


Banquet Of Consequences

by Marvelous_Red



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Gay Male Character, Harry Potter - Freeform, Harry Potter was Raised by Other(s), I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Moving On, Near Death Experiences, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regulus Black Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelous_Red/pseuds/Marvelous_Red
Summary: It's 1978 and Voldemort is at large causing a storm to roll in like no other. The protection that Hogwarts offers is nearing it's end and a war may just claim them all. Dorian Spinster's future seemed bright and even with a war coming near he imagined him and his fellow marauders sticking together "Until the end." As James had said. As most boys he didn't know what kind of tragedy his story really was. On a night that should have been like any other he lost two of his best friends and another to misinformation. At the end of it he was alone with guilt and a baby boy with a lighting scar he promised the dead he would be protect.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Arthur Weasley/Molly Weasley, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Mary Macdonald/OC, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am terrible at writing first chapters so please excuse this if it is bad. I promise it will get better! Thanks for checking it out and don't forget to comment your thoughts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you firstly for checking out this story! I really hope you guys enjoy it and feel free to leave kudos and a comment! It really helps getting feedback! These chapter is being slightly edited to include slight changes for the story! As always enjoy!

“A beautiful day isn’t, Euphemia ..” Her stormy eyes danced over the bright blue skies and the fluffy white clouds that trailed across the horizon.   
“Indeed. Though even as young as James is I find it hard to keep up with him.” The older woman beside who’s hair had small hints graying that mixed with the long dark hair.   
“You are not alone. I struggle to keep up with Dorian as well. He is always begging to do something.” The younger woman was thin and had sharp features while her long brunette hair was twisted into a tight bun that gave her a look of sophistication even as she sat in the wooden rocking chairs. Her son, Dorian was a thin boy but he was about the same size as James while the young Potter boy was a good inch or two taller than the Spinster boy.   
“Looks as if it was a match made in heaven, Benedette.” Eupemia smiled at the two best friends. The two boys had been friends since they were six after Bernadette was invited to one of the famous Potter parties with all sorts. The two boys hit it off right away and their common interest of quidditch made that bond even stronger. Now at the age of eleven the two were the best of friends and Bernadette was happy to see her son so content as the boy had a harder time making friends.   
“I must thank you both for inviting us over. Especially on the holidays. Unfortunately, his wretched father made the holidays quite lonely. I haven’t seen him smile so big once we got the invitation.” Benrdette was a prideful woman and trusted only a few but, being some a prominent pure-blood family the gossip of her rocky and failed marriage made its way through the gossip. She had tried her best to shield Dorian from it all but, even at a young age he had a disdain for his cruel father, who was hardly a father at all. In the following years of his close friendship with James, Fleamont Potter became a sort of father-figure to the boy. His biological father had never bothered to send him a letter or gift on neither his birthday or the holidays.   
“No thanks necessary Dorian is a delight to have around and James adores him as do we.” This caused Berndette Spinster to smile.   
“Dorian, watch out!” James yelled as he pulled up on his broom and Dorian hit a branch causing him to launch off of his broom. Bernadette let out a scream as James raced towards him, his hand reached out. Right before he was going to hit the ground Dorian stopped and levitated above the ground.   
“Is James-”  
“Oh, merlin!” The older woman raced towards the two and Berndette hurried after. James lowered his hand and Dorian lowered to the ground as well. James looked at his hand as he navigated his broom lower so he could get off.   
“Did you do that?” Dorian questioned. James nodded, helping him up.   
“I think so.” The two boys grinned before saying in unison.   
“Wicked.” 

Five Years Later…  
“Which spell is it again?” They treaded lightly against the potions classroom, their wands being the only light.   
“Remus wrote it down somewhere.” Peter, a blonde and short boy whispered, pulling out the piece of parchment that had been ripped in half. He handed it to the boy with black curly-shoulder length boy who towered over him and the ash brown haired boy with square silver framed glasses that were slightly rounded. He squinted his eyes as he tried to read the messy cursive that was circled. “Can you read this dragon scratch, Sirius?” The ash brown hair boy questioned. Sirius squinted hard and shrugged.   
“Come on, Dorian. How far off could we be?” Dorian as he was called, pushed his glasses back up his sharp nose.   
“Yeah.” He agreed with a grin. “How bad could it go?”   
James leaned against the castle’s wall as he was deep in conversation with none other than LIly Evan and even after having dating for about two years he still found himself enchanted by her. He laughed and the sound of it warmed her heart more than she thought possible. The act of keeping watch for the fellow marauders had been long forgotten for some time.   
“Morning, Professor!” Lily gave a quick smile towards one of her favorite professors.   
“Right you are, Miss Evans.” James rolled his eyes as he watched the professor walk past before his eyes widened.   
“James, What is it?” She asked.   
“Shit.” He cursed, running a hand through his untamed hair. “Er..Uh, Professor?” Slughorn turned towards him his aged face towards James. “I don’t think you should go in there yet.” This confused the older man.   
“I beg your pardon?” Lily looked at him confused before she noticed water leaking from behind the doors.   
“Idiots.” She muttered.   
While inside the three boys were trying to get the water under control. “What the hell did you do, Padfoot?” Dorian questioned as Sirius struggled to contain the water spell that was piling water far higher than needed. He threw his arm back and forth nearly hitting Peter with his wand as he tried to stop the spell.   
“I got this. I got this.” He repeated.   
“R-Remus said it was only going to make it rain!” Dorian quickly shushed Peter before he pointed his own wand and tried to lower it but it only made it worse. The three quickly backed away from the growing ball of water, the water up to their knees now.   
“I don’t think we read it right.” Sirius stated as Dorian glared at him.   
“If we drown I am going to kill you!” He yelled.   
“Kill Moony! He’s the one that can’t write legibly!” Sirius argued before the two started yelling back and forth as the water started getting higher as the water from the ball started to leak as if it was about to pop. Peter grabbed onto Sirius' arm, shaking it.   
“G-Guys-”   
“Not now!” The two boys yelled at him.   
“Padfoot! P-Padfoot!” The two turned annoyed before they noticed it.   
“Is that going to pop?” Sirius questioned.   
“Let’s go.” The three quickly turned towards the door before the door opened and they were met with slughorn before the ball of water popped loudly and the three boys and the professor were drenched with cold water.   
“RUN!” The three took off down the hall with an unhappy Slughorn yelling their names as James couldn’t help but, roar with laughter.   
“This is all your fault, Sirius!” Dorian yelled.   
“You think you could have done better, Spinster?!” He fired back.   
“Yes, I do!” Dorian shouted as Peter struggled to keep up behind them. They skidded to a stop, breathing hard.   
“Where’s the map, Dorian?” Sirius questioned. Dorian reached for his back pocket but found nothing there.   
“Uh..” Sirius glared at him.   
“Dorian?” He questioned, with a fiery glare. Dorian searched his robes and found nothing.   
“Please tell me you didn’t lose the map.” Peter’s face flashed with nervousness and worry. Sirius glare only intensified. Dorian began nervously laughing.   
“All in good fun, right?” He flashed a smile.   
“YOU LOST THE MAP?!” Sirius shouted at him before he grabbed him by the robes but Dorian quickly slipped out of the soaked robes and ran down the hall as Sirius shouted profanities at him as he chased him.   
“I”M GOING TO HEX YOU SO HARD, DORIAN SPINSTER!” He practically screamed down the hall. Dorian quickly sprinted faster than before more scared of the wrath of Sirius Black than any angry professor. 

“Tell me again how you dropped the map.” Dorian rolled his eyes.   
“Look, it must have fallen out when we were trying to get out. We have the invisibility cloak-”   
“I have the cloak.” He corrected causing Dorian to roll his eyes.   
“We can get it back from Flitch.” He sighed.   
“I can’t believe you lost-”   
“Yes I know! I lost the god damn map!” Remus and the others snickered.   
“How are you feeling, moony?” James asked.   
“The usual I guess.” The subject of the map was dropped and Dorian was thankful for that but, he was sure he wouldn’t hear the last of it.   
“I’m glad me and Dorian could be your amusement this morning.” Dorian glared at him.   
“Can we please drop it?” He asked.   
“Awe. Somebody is embarrassed?” James teased as Sirius snickered.   
“Remind me why am I friends with you two?” He questioned and the two shrugged.   
“Beats me.” They began to laugh before Dorian glanced over to where Lily was talking to Alice Longbottom, Mary Mcdonald, and Marlene Mckinnon. Dorian was somebody who was rather attractive and had only had a few relationships in his seven years of attending hogwarts. It was nowhere compared to Siruis Black’s count but, none had really lasted. Dorian Spinster had sharp cheekbones, a thin nose and lips with a rather strong jawline. He was thin with a little definition to his arms thanks to being a skilled chaser in quidditch. His ash brown hair was cut short except in the front but his bangs were always pushed back with small strands falling slightly grazing his forehead. His eyes fell upon Mary Macdonald, a rather attractive girl that he knew Lily knew well. She was about average height with fair skin that concentrated he thought beautifully to her dark hair. His gaze drifted over to Mary before she looked over at him with an raised eyebrow, smirking. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. She made an obvious gesture of annoyance at his answer.   
“You alright, Dorian?” James asked.   
“Yeah you and Mary got something going on?” Sirius asked teasingly. Dorian went to reassure them thankful that they didn’t notice who she was eyeing beside him.   
“I believe our dear Dorian fancies Mary.” Remus stated, not looking up from his book.   
“Remus!” He glared at him after nearly inhaling the piece of toast.   
“Isn’t it obvious? You get into this weird trance whenever she walks into class. Last week you nearly ruined our potion when she said hi to you.” Dorian glared at him, tugging on his tie.   
“Why don’t you go talk to her, mate?” James suggested.   
“I’m sure she likes you.” Sirius encouraged and Dorian rolled his eyes.   
“We’re just friends.” James frowned.   
“Why?” Dorian didn’t know how to answer that.   
“I-I’m not her type besides what’s the point with everything that’s happening it doesn’t seem right to start something.” They all gawked at him.   
“The point would be to do it because of everything that is happening.” Remus corrected.   
“Moony’s right.” Peter agreed and Dorian looked at Remus for a minute longer before he shook his head.   
“Come on! You’re a gryffindor! Have some courage.” Sirius encouraged Dorian before he glanced back at her.   
“I-I have more important things to worry about.” He looked away quickly.   
“Like what?” James questioned.   
“Like this war.” Remus paled. Their expressions turned more serious. “I mean we don’t know what’s going to happen do we? W-Who we are going to be fighting on some battlefield-”   
“People we know.” Remus stated somberly.   
“Why are you two so worried-”   
“Sirius, There is a real war coming upon us. People parting ways.” Dorian looked away. “I mean it’s only a matter of time before we have to part ways.” This seemed to rattle something in not just all of them but James especially.   
“T-That won’t happen though, right?” Peter questioned. Remus looked at him with the same worry eating at him and Dorian knew it was worse than his own. He went to open his mouth but James cut him off.   
“No, it’s not. Listen, guys. We’ve been friends for years and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I don’t know about you but, I’m not letting the marauders disband just because we’ve graduated.” He declared.   
“Yeah me either. Can you imagine hogwarts without us? We are legends.” This caused them to smile a little bit.   
“I mean there’s no real reason to not stay together.” Dorian nodded with a smile. Remus still looked worried but it definitely faded to uneasiness.   
“You promise we’ll stick together?” James grinned.   
“Until the end.” The five of them raised their glasses to that.   
“Hey maybe we’ll win this war by ourselves.” Peter suggested causing them to laugh.   
“Not likely.” Dorian laughed.   
“I said leave me alone!” Lily yelled, causing the whole great hall to fall silent as they watched as Severus grabbed Lily’s arm and Dorian saw the flash of not anger but rage crossed James’ face before he stormed towards them.   
“Should we go after him?” Dorian questioned as they watched.   
“He won’t do anything rash.” Sirius reassured.   
“We are talking about the same James Potter, right?”   
“Lily, I just want-”   
“Want to what?!” She snapped at him.   
“Snape, let her go!” James shouted, pulling his arm off of him. Snape glared at him, pulling his wand on him before James had time to draw his.   
“Get back, Potter!” He hissed as The marauders quickly got to their feet, running towards them.   
“Severus, stop!” Lily looked at the two with urgence. Severus was breathing out hate at James and James sent it right back.   
“He isn’t armed, Snape!” Dorian yelled, his hand gripping his arm. Snape didn’t take his eyes off of James.   
“I wasn’t going to hurt her.” He hissed.   
“A little too late for that, Snivelius.” James spat causing the slytherin to jab his wand into his chest.   
“Do. Not. Call. Me. That.” He hissed slowly.   
“Put the wand down.” Sirius demanded, moving closer. Lily looked at him with a hint of fear and anger.   
“Severus, please. He didn’t do anything.” Snape looked towards her and his expression softened. He finally lowered his wand, slowly but, surely he lowered it.   
“Lily I just wanted-”  
“Stay away from me.” She spat before taking James’ hand and Severus’ eyes followed the movement with hurt. “James, Let’s go back.” The two turned around hand in hand back to the table where James put a protective arm around her. Dorian, Remus, and Sirius watched him carefully as Peter looked to be more in fear.   
“Is there a problem, Severus?” Regulus quickly approached them.   
“We were just leaving.” Remus spoke up.   
“No one asked you, filthy half-”   
“Watch it.” Sirius hissed dangerously at his younger brother.   
“Or what?” Regulus challenged. “You’ll sick your blood tradtiors, half-bloods, and mudbloods on me? I am truly terrified.” They all glared at him.   
“Sirius, He’s not worth it.” Dorian told him. Sirius didn’t look like he was backing down.   
“Sirius.” Remus raised his voice as Peter backed away.   
“Yeah you’re right. We don’t have time for snakes.” Sirius hissed before turning away. The three began to walk away. “I can’t believe it.” Sirius was angry. “The son of a bitch is one of them.” Remus gawked at him.   
“Regulus? He doesn't seem like he has the stomach.” Remus responded.   
“Didn’t you see the bandage around his forearm, Moony? He’s got his mark.” The three were silent.   
“Just tone down the death eater talk around Lily, yeah? She’s already freaked out as it is.” Dorian advised.   
“Yeah. You’re right.” Sirius agreed right before they joined the others at the table. Lily didn’t say much during the rest of the meal. She hardly ate either as she leaned her head on James’ shoulder. The rest of the marauders tried to keep the conversation uplifting and every now and then they’d get a smile out of her but, it was a small one. As for James, he looked like he could kill Snape.


	2. Chapter 2

The marauders’ years at Hogwarts had usually been light-hearted and care-free. Even as much as they would love to pretend it was still that way they knew the teachers were tense and the new measure of auors at the school was a reminder of what was happening outside. Still they could pretend but, as the year only less than three months till the end it became increasingly harder to pretend that all was fine. Even as much of a jokester as James and Sirius were they sometimes started to worry about when the safety of Hogwarts ended. Were any of them actually safe?   
“I don’t know about you guys but, this year in potions is a breeze.” James boasted with a grin as they walked down the halls with his fingers interlocked with Lily’s. The red-head scoffed.   
“The only reason you’re getting good marks is because we’re partners.” She reminded with a smile. James gasped.   
“Are you saying I’m bad at potions?” He questioned, dramatically.   
“The worst.” She laughed, watching his over the top reaction as he slapped his hand over his heart.   
“You wound me, lils!” She just rolled her eyes and it was funny how she had grown to adore him over the years. It was just a few years ago that she would have just kept walking and become irritated with his antics.   
“Yeah, You abandoned me for her and now I’m stuck with Peter!” Sirius mentioned, causing them to snicker.   
“I’m sure Peter isn’t that bad.” James sighed.   
“James, We are talking about the same Peter, right?” Dorian asked.   
“Where is Peter by the way?” Remus asked, noticing he was missing.   
“Running late as usual.” Sirius sighed.   
“Unreliable as always.” Dorian muttered before they heard a cry coming from one of the adjacent halls.   
“Awe! I think the rat is going to cry!” A loud high pitched voice that had a tendency to sound like hissing sometimes. They saw a group of slytherins crowding Peter, who backed up against the wall eyes wide as Bellatrix Black , Barty Crouch Jr, Regulus Black, and Severus Snape sneered at him throwing insults and threats towards him.   
“HEY!” Sirius yelled as they hurried towards them.   
“Get away from him!” Dorian yelled before Bellatrix looked him up and down nearly strutting over towards the group.   
“Well if it isn’t your little misfits coming to save your follower.” She taunted, twirling her wand in her fingers.   
“He’s our friend. Now, step away.” James warned.   
“Or what, Potter? You’ll hex us?” Barty Crouch Jr sneered before they started to laugh. “Word has it someone’s got you a leash now.” He taunted. The two groups glared at each other.   
“Nobody has a leash on me.” James hissed. “Just let Peter go.” He demanded.   
“He didn’t do anything to you.” Lily added and they all glared at Lily. “Just let him go.” Bellatrix glared at her in an almost offended tone. Severus had a look of uncertainty and worry when their attention turned to the red-head.   
“I don’t take orders from filthy little mudbloods.” James whipped out his wand quickly in anger.   
“Expelliarmus!” Dorian, Sirius, Remus, and Lily got out their wands as the other slytherins got to theirs.   
“GET THEM!” She screamed in anger. Regulus shot a series of spells at Dorian and Remus while Snape and barty crouch jr shot at Sirius and James. Bellatrix quickly got to her wand and started targeting Lily.   
“Lily, get back!” James yelled, blocking a few curses from Snape.   
“I can handle myself!” She yelled and true she was. Lily blocked her attacks and hit her a few times.   
“Stuphey!” Dorian yelled, hitting Regulus and he was flung backwards onto the ground.   
“Locomotor Mortis.” Lily cast and Bellatrix’s legs stiffened and she fell back unable to move her legs. “Expelliarmus!” She disarmed the slytherin girl, who yelled in frustration. Regulus got to his feet but quickly turned back down the hall and Severus backed away slowly, holding his side where James had struck him.   
“Crucio!” Crouch yelled and their eyes widened as James put himself in front of Lily, blocking the spell as Lily screamed in panic. The slytherin backed away as Severus’ eyes were wide as he looked towards Lily in concern.   
“Let’s go.” Bellatrix hissed as they helped her up and they hurried down the hall where Regulus had run off to. The marauders looked to James and Lily in concern.   
“Are you okay?” James asked, turning towards her checking her for any sign of getting hit. She nodded before she hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around her protectively.   
“You guys okay?” The three of them asked the couple.   
“I think so. More in shock.” James stated before Lily smacked him.   
“You idiot!” They were a little taken back by this.   
“Ow! Lily!” She stopped, looking at him in worry.   
“You could have been hit, James! What were you thinking?!” She questioned, pushing him back.   
“Er..” He scratched the back of his head. “Of you.” Her expression softened.   
“Thank you.” He gave her a small smile which she returned. “Thank you too.” She said turning to the others. They nodded.   
“Anything for you guys.” Remus stated and the other two nodded.   
“Mate, You just blocked an unforgivable curse.” Sirius reminded James who grinned.   
“That’s pretty wicked, Prongs.” Dorian added.   
“Yeah it was, wasn’t it?” The three half-fived while Lily and Remus rolled their eyes.   
“Is everyone alright at least?” Remus asked.   
“Oh shit, Peter.” Dorian suddenly remembered why they had been confronting the slytherins who were no doubt whether planning on becoming death eaters or were already ones. They rushed over to the crying boy who covered his head with his arms as he sunk down on the floor.   
“Hey, wormtail you okay?” Sirius asked.   
“I-I’m sorry, James. I-I didn’t know what to do. T-They were threatening to curse me a-and-”  
“Hey, I’m not mad. There were a good few of them anyways.” James tried to reassure.   
“There’s no shame in it, Peter.” Lily gave him a warm smile and he looked up finally.   
“Y-You aren’t upset?” He questioned, looking to his friends.   
“No.” They all said.   
“Come on, Wormtail.” James pulled him up to his feet. “Besides. You’d never do anything to put us in harm’s way.” He teasingly nudged him. “Right?” Peter gave a slight smile.   
“Of course not, Prongs.”   
“We should hurry now. We might be late for class.” Lily added.   
“That’s the Evans I know.” Sirius teased. 

“So, What color should we put in the slytherins shampoo this time?” Sirius and Dorian were trying to plan some type of prank and slytherin usually was the butt of all of their jokes. Besides they wanted to somehow get them back for what happened a week earlier but Lily had made them all promise her they wouldn’t go looking for fights. They had only seen her angry side a few select times and Dorian was sure he’d rather face the wrath of a death eater than that of Lily Evans’.   
“I’d say pink.” Dorian suggested beside Sirius on the floor in front of the fireplace while Remus sat on the other side of Dorian, reading up on color changing spells.   
“But, We did pink in our third year.” Sirius reminded.   
“And sixth.” Remus mentioned, not looking up from the large book.   
“James, What do you think?” Sirius asked turning back to James who was in deep thought sitting in the arm chair, his tie untied and laying over his shoulders.   
“I’m proposing to Lily.” Their eyes widened at the sudden statement that they weren’t sure he meant to blurt out. Remus’ head snapped up from his book and gawked at him.   
“I mean it’s been two years-”   
“Yeah two years, James. You think that’s enough time?” Remus asked.   
“I mean that’s a lot longer than any of Sirius' relationships.” Dorian joked before Sirius elbowed him.   
“I’m serious.” James stated, running a hand through his messy-untamed black hair. Sirius and Dorian snickered.   
“Guys.” Remus sighed.   
“Right. Sorry, James.” Dorian pushed up his glasses and James proceeded to tell them how Lily was the only girl for him and how he adored her so. They had all heard many times before when he was still trying to get Lily to even agree to go out with him. Dorian had rolled his eyes when the whole infatuation started and even had called him an idiot for still chasing after her when she constantly insulted him, showed no interests, and avoided him but, he had also seen the glances she had given him from time to time in charms and transfiguration in their fourth year. He had also seen how happy his best friend was when she finally agreed to go on a date with him and how he beamed when she came to him about the second date. He had also noticed how incredibly happy James was now that they had been together for almost two years.   
“I-I mean I’m not going to do it right away but, I was thinking..” He scratched the back of his head nervously.   
“Yeah?” They grinned at him.   
“Yeah.” He grinned before they heard Lily, Marlene, and Mary coming down the dormitory stairs. Remus quickly opened the book back up, flipping through some pages. They hurried to look like they were doing something that didn’t look suspicious.   
“Throw me something.” James whispered before Dorian tossed him a quidditch magazine which he nearly ripped the pages as he hurried flipped through the pages as Remus tossed Sirius a textbook and Dorian quickly grabbed the leather bound notebook that the group shared. Peter quickly grabbed the Daily Prophet from the table and hide his face with it, pretending to read it.   
“Hey, boys.” Lily greeted before leaning over and kissing James on the cheek.   
“Hey.” They said in unison before she gave them a confused look.   
“James, You do realize that you’re reading this upside down, right?” The two girls behind her snickered as did Remus. Lily took the magazine and turned it around.   
“Er...Yeah that makes more sense now.” Lily gave him a suspicious look.   
“Are you doing homework, Sirius?” Marlene questioned.   
“What’s going on?” Lily questioned.   
“J-Just killing time.” Peter added with a flash of a smile. Mary looked over at Dorian with a soft smile.   
“Hi, Dorian.” He looked up with a smile, his words stuck in his throat. Remus nudged him in the arm.   
“Hey” The two locked eyes for a moment before she quickly dashed over next to him. The two talked quietly making the others suspicious and he kept shushing her whenever she giggled causing his cheeks to turn a light pink.   
“You’re playing today, right? Against Slyhtrein?” She asked.   
“Yeah. Last game of the season.” Dorian informed. She smiled.   
“I know. You wouldn’t stop talking about it over the summer.” She teased, causing the rest to give them a look.   
“I didn’t talk all about it.” He defended, closing the book. She raised an eyebrow.   
“Should I show you the letters? They do have all of your little secrets.” She teased with a playfully smirk and Dorian’s eyes widened.   
“You are cruel, Mary.”   
“I want to see them! What are these secrets like?” James grinned.   
“Dirty ones I hope.” Sirius teased and Dorian shot them a glare. Mary just laughed.   
“Don’t worry your secrets are safe with me.” She kissed his cheek and the boys gawked at them. More so Dorian for his lack of reaction to it.   
“See you there, Dor.” Dorian grimmanced at the nickname.   
“Alright, Mary.” He sighed, trying to avoid the looks James and Sirius were giving him.   
“Well, We’ll see you boys there I guess. Oh, Dorian if you aren’t too beat up from the game are we still on for studying? We really need to get that assignment done for Charms.” Dorian nodded towards Lily.   
“Yeah. Of course. Did you want to meet right after or later?” He asked.   
“I couldn’t stay too late. Me and James have a prefect meeting.” Lily proudly informed. Sirius snickered.   
“Is that code for something?” They couldn’t help but laugh.   
“Yeah I’ll meet you there after the game.” She smiled but, then her smile fell as she looked at her wrist-watch.   
“Um, James?”   
“Hm?” He looked up at her behind him.   
“Didn’t you say you had to be there at five?” She asked, looking at him.   
“Yep. It’s always best to get there a few minutes early. Especially as Team Captain.” He grinned proudly.   
“Yeah but, it’s five-twenty.” His grin faded before he looked at Dorian and Sirius.   
“Shit!” Dorian, James, and Sirius sprung to their feet, grabbing their wands as their piles of parchment and books went flying off of the table and scattered all over the place. Dorian’s hand smacked into his ink and crashed into Remus’ lap.   
“Dorian!” He yelled, trying to clean up the mess.   
“God damnit! James, You’re the captain!” Sirius yelled as James hurriedly put his shoes on.   
“James!” Peter tossed his other shoe at him.   
“James, hurry up!” Sirius and Dorian yelled at the entrance of the Griffindor Dormitory. James hopped around trying to fit into his shoe while those not rushing laughed at the panicked three.   
“Where’s my wand?” He questioned, looking around. Remus and Peter started laughing.   
“Should we tell him?” Remus asked, laughing.   
“Nah.” Peter chuckled. Lily and the girls joined into the laughter.   
“Here, idiot.” Lily teased, pulling his wand from it’s resting spot on his left ear.   
“Oh right.” James laughed.   
“James! Now!” Dorian and Sirius urged.   
“Got to go. See you there, Lils.” He quickly kissed her before he ran off leaving the others to laugh at their antics as the three quidditch playing marauders sprinted down the halls towards the quidditch field. Once they hit the locker rooms they never had gotten changed so quickly as they raced against time and James quickly grabbed his broom, heading towards the rest of the team.   
“Hurry up or you’ll miss the strategy I planned!” He called.   
“Yeah, says the captain who's late!” Dorian called, closing his locker and heading after him with Sirius behind him hurriedly tying up his hair. They entered the large room where James stood up front explaining their strategy that he no doubt planned thoroughly during the summer.   
“You know you’re late, right?” The red-headed boy’s hair was slightly lighter than Lily’s teased.   
“Really? Maybe someone should remind us.” Dorian fired back causing the boy’s twin to laugh quietly.   
“We thought maybe you had gotten cold feet.” The other teased with a playful smirk.   
“Not a chance.” Sirius grinned.   
“Fabian! Gideon!” James yelled. They pointed at Dorian and Sirius.   
“Spinster, Black, and Prewetts. Pay attention!” He scolded before going back to the plan. The rest was pretty simple and straightforward and there was ten or so minutes left before the gane was going to start.   
“Hey James!” The twins stopped the three with unusually serious faces that Dorian didn’t think fit for the two jokers. “We heard that Crouch tried to attack you and Lily.” They mentioned.   
“What about it?” James asked.   
“Well we’d figure that we could get them back for you.” Gideon began.   
“Well we promised Lily-”  
“We didn’t.” They smirked. James chuckled, shaking his head.   
“What do you have in mind?” He asked.   
“Obviously we can’t curse him but, we can at least do something. If they mess with our friends of ours they mess with us.” James smiled.   
“Thanks, guys. I’m sure Lily will appreciate it even if she doesn’t say so.” The twins grinned. “But, first let’s focus on beating those snakes’ asses.” The whole team hurriedly grabbed their brooms and lined up with James leading proudly as number seven.   
“Hey Prewetts!” He called.   
“Yeah, Captain?” Fabion asked.   
“Swing hard and fast.” They grinned before they mounted their brooms and soon they flew out taking positions against the green slytherins. The game was a rough one and the slytherins seemed intent on dominating the game. The score was eight to ten with slytherin being in the lead and it seemed like it was going to be a long one. James cursed under his breath as he looked around. They had already lost a chaster due to a broken arm and James had faith that Dorian and Sirius could pick up the slack but, he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t going to be a hard game nor could he deny that the slytherins were playing good. Better than ever before and perhaps this was because it was the last one of the year and he would be damned if he was going to lose his last quidditch game at hogwarts. Dorian quickly headed straight for one of the other chasers, ramming his side with him and stealing the quaffle from him. He quickly flew up, dodging those around him before flying straight up, tossing the ball to Sirius, who then flew ahead below them before passing it to the left to their other chaser before she tossed it towards Dorian who threw it past their keeper.   
“GRYFFINDOR SCORES! THAT”S NINE TO TEN!” The majority of the crowd cheered as they raced after it again. A high pitched swishing noise caught James’ attention as his eyes landed on the gold snitch that swished through the air. He quickly went after it and Regulus soon joined him, ramming into him. James barely dodged one of the towers seating the teachers. He swung back around and hit him on the other side. Regulus let out an unexpected cry of pain as James hit his left arm. He noticed the bandaged covering his forearm as the wind blew his sleeves up a little. The snitch climbed up and up without hesitation the two chased after it, pulling up vertically causing the crowd to holler and cheer. The snitch then turned several times nearly causing James to become dizzy before he dived down. The two looked at each other as they were heading straight down.   
“You got the guts, Potter?” Regulus hissed.   
“The colors should tell you that, Black.” James retorted, trying to get ahead and once he did, pulling up towards the snitch, reaching his arm out. Regulus kicked his broom causing James to spin a little.   
“JAMES!” He faintly heard Lily scream from where she stood watching eagerly with Marlene, Mary, Remus, and Peter.   
“It’s going to be a close one.” Peter added. James hissed as he felt his leg throb at the hard kick. He swerved around and raced after Regulus, his green and black robes flying behind him. He reached his left hand out, nearly there. James quickly headed for him while Dorian struggled to get an opening to toss the quaffle. Two slytherins got on either side of him, ramming his shoulders harshly before he launched the ball as one of them kicked the underside of his broom causing him to fall forwards and nearly fall off, rolling on his broom. James quickly raced as the crowd screamed and he didn’t have time to look at what had happened as he focused on the snitch and Regulus arm outstretched arm. He got closer before he clenched his fist and swung his arm down on Regulus’ arm. The young slytherin screamed in pain, slowing down as he clutched his arm to him. James cut in front of him, reaching his right hand out, his skinny fingers nearly there. He planted his feet severely on the foot rests of his broom, standing up on them and leaning forwards before he sped up. He was getting closer to the stands. He swung his arm, snatching the cold golden snitch. He quickly pulled on his broom, stopping in front of the stands, his shoulder hitting the sides painfully.   
“POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!” Majority of the people in the stands cheered loudly, James held the snitch up high grinning ear to ear. The rest of the team cheered with them. While Lily jumped up and down in excitement with the others. “Yes! Yes!” She hugged Remus, Peter, Marlene, and Mary. James flew around, grinning before he spotted Lily and quickly flew down to the front row where they were. “James!” She leaned over the railing, grinning before she hugged him as best as she could.   
“You were so great!” She grinned and James was taken back a little as he had never really seen her this excited about one of his games before.   
“It’s cause I had my good luck charm.” He grinned.   
“And What’s that?” She asked.   
“You.” She rolled her eyes before she cupped his face and pulled him into a kiss. His broom hit the railing before he grasped the railing with his hand, leaning over. The people who saw it cheered and went wild. Lily’s cheeks were red from the attention and pulled away. James was a grinning idiot before he gave her a wink and flew off to return to his team, getting high-fives, fist-bumbs, and their grinning faces. He held the snitch above his head once more.   
“Potter! Potter! Potter!” They cheered. It wasn’t long after that they returned to the changing rooms and after a team picture most had cleared out.   
The three marauders were still grinning and James couldn’t be any prouder of not just his team but, his two friends. They were still in their quidditch robes and now bruised up from the hard game. There was a knock before James opened the door and Lily practically jumped in James’ arms in excitement.   
“You know I love it when you kiss and hug me but, what is this all about?” James asked, taken back.   
“It’s just it’s the last game and you actually managed to pull something so reckless and idiotic-”   
“Yeah, Yeah. Forget I asked.” This caused her to laugh.   
“You were brilliant.” She smiled and he beamed.   
“You really think so?” Remus and Peter told them all how brilliant it was before Mary squeezed past them to get to Dorian.   
“Enjoy the show, Mary.” Dorian smiled, rubbing the back of his neck as his nerves took over.   
“You were really brilliant. Don’t get me wrong I knew you were great at quidditch but, I didn’t know you were that great.” Dorian laughed  
“Careful you might make the others think we’re flirting” He asked with a half grin that caused her to laugh.  
“You had me scared to death though. I really thought you were going to fall.” She admitted.   
“I guess I’m just full of surprises.” She scoffed at his response.   
“I’ll see you at the party then.” She smiled before heading towards the door.   
Remus, Sirius, and Peter gave him an encouraging look, urging him to ask her out. Dorian rolled his eyes, walking back towards his locker.   
“Dorian!” Lily scolded.   
“You blew it, mate!” James looked at him in shock. Dorian scoffed, shaking his head.   
“Me and Mary are just friends. Have been ever since first year.” Dorian corrected. Remus gave him a look, walking over.   
“Just friends? She kissed you-”   
“On the cheek.”   
“Still.” Dorian groaned at their pressuring.   
“Guys, I do not like Mary like that. We are just good friends. I’m nice to Lily and have been friends with her since second year but, you know I don’t fancy her.” He pointed out. James cringed at this.   
“Yeah because I would break every bone in your body if you did.” James retorted. “But, Mary is attractive, single, and likes you.”   
“She seems to.” Lily added with a smile that was both sweet and comforting.   
“Plus you’ve never actually gone out before.” Dorian really hated keeping this from his friends. He didn’t know how they would react. I mean they all reacted great when they found out Remus was a werewolf but, that’s entirely different isn’t?   
“I appreciate you looking out for me but, we are really just friends.” He said closing his lockers.   
“Hey about a picture of the three stars?” Marlene said, holding up her camera. The three of them lined up throwing their arms around each other’s shoulders, grinning before a flash went off. Despite them trying to set up Dorian it was still a great moment and it was one to be cherished


	3. Chapter 3

Lily and Dorian had collected a rather large stack that was a combination of classes. Primarily Transfiguration, Defense Against The Dark Arts, and Charms. They had chosen a good size table in the back where there was enough for their many books that laid open with a few long scrolls of notes. Dorian had done this many times before with Lily and oddly it was their time studying or working together on projects that bonded the two. Lily had judged him at first solely on being friends with James Potter as she had done with the others. She still sometimes felt guilty for doing so but, she had grown to enjoy the marauders’ company.   
“Doing anything exciting for the holidays?” Lily asked as she wrote some more notes.   
“I usually spend the holidays at James’ house.” Lily frowned realizing she didn’t know much about Dorian’s family. He had never really brought it up and avoided those types of questions when they first met.   
“Every year?” She questioned. He nodded in response.   
“Doesn’t your family do something?” She asked. He stopped mid sentence, setting his quil down.   
“It’s just me and my mom. Always has been.” He sighed and she noticed the pain behind those words.   
“I’m sorry.” She sighed.   
“Oh, no don’t be. I don’t mind really. I mean I never knew him. He was out of the picture before I was born.” Lily felt sorry for him.   
“Your mother’s family?” She asked.   
“Don’t know them. They disowned my mother when they found out she was having me. Like I said it’s always been just us until she met Mister Potter that is.” She noticed his tone got far less somber when he mentioned the Potters.   
“If you don’t mind me asking, Dorian. What does your mother do exactly?” She asked.   
“Oh, She’s a healer at St. Mungos.” Lily was increasingly interested.   
“Really? So, she’s like a doctor? I mean someone-”  
“You forget that my mother is muggle-born, Lily.” Dorian reminded her with amusement. “Maybe healer isn’t the right word. She doesn't always practice on people. She researches new methods and ingredients that could help people better. She also gets rid of old methods that don’t actually work like using Legilimency on the mentally ill.” Lily saw how proud he was explaining it.   
“That’s incredible.” Dorian nodded.   
“She has to get grants from people in the ministry and Mister Potter actually vouched for her and paid for a portion of her grant. I was about five when we were first invited to their annual christmas party.” He explained.   
“You’ve known James since you were five?” She questioned in disbelief. He nodded.   
“The Potters are like family.” She smiled at this before they went back to their studying.   
“Are you coming to their christmas party?” He asked.   
“I’m actually spending half the week at my parents’ and the other half at James’.” Dorian noticed a bit of nervousness.   
“They agreed?” He raised an eyebrow. Lily scoffed.   
“I mean they trust me but, I really had to convince them.”   
“The catch?” She laughed at his question.   
“They want to have dinner with him and formally meet him.” She sighed and Dorian couldn’t help but snicker.   
“What?” She questioned.   
“Nothing.” She gave him a glaring look. “It’s nothing.”   
“Tell me right now, Dorian Spinster.” She demanded. He scoffed.   
“Or what?” She snatched his glasses and he squinted unable to see clearly.   
“Lily!” She kept them from him until he told her.   
“Fine! James might have to learn how to keep his hands to himself.” She glared at him, hitting him with her roll of parchment.   
“Ow!”   
“We don’t-” She seemed flustered. “He isn’t like that.” She sighed.   
“Oh wow. Now, you’re defending him.” She hit him again with the parchment. Dorian just laughed before she tossed his glasses at him. He quickly slid them back on. “Look, All I am saying is that you guys always kiss when you see each other, he always has his arms around you, and you usually are holding onto him. Not to mention that when you guys make excuses to leave and hurry off we all know you’re snogging.” She gawked at him. “Like the many times at the three broomsticks.” Her eyes widened and her cheeks turned red.   
“W-We do not!”   
“The booth in the back on the right where the light is broken and always dim.”   
“Oh god.” She grimaced causing him to laugh.   
“James said you never guys never sit on that side.”   
“James gets his right and left confused all the time.” She sighed.   
“Idiot.” Dorian laughed, leaning forwards.   
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m just teasing you.” He reassured, feeling bad about bringing it up.   
“Well that’s not the only thing I have to worry about” She sighed. He raised an eyebrow.   
“My parents are nagging me about meeting his parents and I kinda left out that there would be more than just James in his house.” Dorian looked at her for a moment before he let out a loud laugh.   
“You are so dead, Lily!” She frowned at him. “You do know that Sirius lives with him now and I’ll be there along with Remus and Peter.” She groaned once more.   
“All of you are staying with him?!” She questioned.   
“Yeah. Didn’t James tell you?” She shook her head.   
“Wait why do Remus and Peter stay with you guys?” She questioned.   
“The obvious reason being that there are hardly any rules at James’ house and we can basically do what we want. Also the Potters are pretty cool.” He stated it was a well known fact.   
“And the unobvious reason?” Lily asked.   
“Remus doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents and Peter..” Dorian thought for a moment.   
“Not really sure.” He shrugged before he glanced behind where Mary and Remus were cleaning up their area. Dorian’s gaze softened and his fingers tapped against the hardwood table not realizing it. Lily looked over and smiled.   
“Thought you didn’t fancy her?” Dorian’s head snapped back to her.   
“I don’t. Merlin, Why do you all-”   
“You guys constantly are around each other and we were just staring at her for over five minutes.” Lily mentioned with a cheerful smile. “I think she’s fond of you too.” Dorian groaned, rolling his eyes. He was silent. If he went on she was just going to find out. Dorian grew silent as Lily wouldn’t stop going on about it.   
“Damnit, Lily! I don’t fancy Mary!” Lily was caught off guard by the sudden outburst and she soon became overly apologetic.   
“Dorian, I didn’t mean to make me mad. Y-Your eyes just lit up so much when-” He sighed.   
“Just forget it. I’ll see you at dinner.” He grabbed his bag, putting the strap of his bag around him before getting up his chair squeaking slightly. She was still apologetic.   
“Dorian, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t-”   
“It’s fine, Lily. Really.” He sighed. “Thanks for meeting up.” He added, cursing himself for making her feel guilty. He left the library before Mary ran after him.   
“Dorian, wait!” Lily glanced towards them as she cleaned up her side wondering about them. She had been so sure that Dorian fancied Mary. Dorian slowed down as Mary ran towards him with a bright smile, her thick and long hair flowing behind her. Her smile faded as she saw the look on his face.   
“What’s wrong?” She asked, concerned. He took a deep breath.   
“They think I fancy you.” She laughed and he glared at her.   
“It’s not funny! What am I supposed to tell them that I’ve fancied the same boy for four years and he just happens to be one of my best friends?” He questioned and she shrugged.   
“You could tell them the truth-”   
“Like that would go well.”  
“You don’t know that he doesn’t like you!” She pointed out and Dorian rolled his eyes. “You could at least start with coming out to them.” She suggested. That was far more daunting than he expected it to sound. The idea scared him to his core. “I have no doubts they’ll accept you, Dor.” He had stopped walking and looked down, playing with his fingers.   
“It’s not something that’s entirely accepted, Mary. Not everyone is like you! I-I mean I would like to think they would..Forget it.” She pulled on his arm, keeping him from walking off.   
“Stop being so afraid of it! They love you, Dorian! Honestly I don’t think they’ll just push you out. They aren’t Bellatrix or Malfoy.” Dorian couldn’t help the small smile as he looked up from the ground a little.   
“D-Did he say anything about me?” He asked, nervously. Mary grinned and nodded. Dorian peaked up. “What did he say?” She giggled, smiling.   
“He wouldn’t stop talking about you, Dorian. He said you were one of the most brilliant people he has met. He just went on and on. He asked about you too.” Dorian grinned.   
“Really? You aren’t making it up?” She scoffed.   
“Why would I? It was a little annoying. I mean I don’t think you’re that brillant.” Dorian sighed, rolling his eyes. She sighed. “Just tell one of them at least. You talk about all of this trust you have for them then why can’t you trust them with this? Haven’t you waited long enough?” Dorian supposed she was right but, the idea of them shunning him was down right terrifying. He could take the slurs from people like Malfoy or other vile slytherins but, if his friends were to call him those he didn’t know if he could take that. He sighed. Maybe Mary was right.   
“I dunno know, Mary. I hate lying to them and-”   
“Just talk to them, okay? Don’t ignore this anymore.” She sighed, hugging him briefly. “Look I’ll go find Lily but, we’ll meet you at dinner, yeah?” Dorian nodded.   
“Tell her I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at her.” Mary gave him a reassuring smile.   
“I’m sure she understands.” He then turned heading down the stairs in pursuit of the great hall. Dorian began to get lost in his usual thoughts which had been all things considered harmless. Dorian tried to push his worries down some but, in reality they were eating him alive. They had been for years and at the age of sixteen his worries of not being accepted; Of being shunned by everyone if they ever found out started to eat at him especially when his feelings became more intense for a certain gryffindor. Mary was the only person who knew and at this point the guilt of his friends not knowing was catching up to him. He hated lying to people he loved and wasn’t not telling them lying too? His thoughts were soon interrupted when no other than slytherin's prized prince came walking- no storming towards him.   
“In a rush, Spinster.” Regulus hissed. Dorian watched him carefully, stopping his tracks but, he didn’t flee. “I need you to give a message to my idiotic brother.”   
“No.” Regulus looked offended and it didn’t fit his features.   
“Why-”   
“I’m not your messengers.” Lily spoke up. Regulus glared, clenching his jaw as he rolled his eyes.   
“You don’t have much of a choice, half-blood.” He hissed, his gaze intensified and Dorian looked at him with spite.   
“You don’t control me, Black.” Dorian went to walk past him but Regulus blocked his way. 

“Listen closely you filthy-” He closed his eyes taking a deep breath as if it was a real struggle to stop himself. “Listen closely, Dorian.” He hissed her name in a way that made Dorian feel sick.   
“It might be cursed, Black. Knowing your type I-”   
“My type?” Regulus questioned, as he held the thick envelope.   
“I’ve heard the rumors. Seen how you react when someone hits your arm.” Dorian spat. Regulus clenched his jaw tight and a dark expression shadowed his drained features. He stepped closer to Dorian as if it was a challenge. Dorian stood there unmoving.   
“And pray tell what are these rumors concerning me.” He hissed, standing proud staring Dorian directly in the eyes.   
“Regulus Black is a death eater.” Dorian allowed the tone to be more taunting than it needed to be. Something flashed in Regulus’ dark eyes that Dorian couldn’t quite comprehend. It was something of rage, guilt, and pain. It was something unnamed that he hadn’t ever seen in someone’s eyes.   
“Then you should know you do not want to-” Dorian reached for his wand, placing the tip at his throat.   
“I don’t kindly to people like you telling me what to do. I will not fear you or Voldemort.” Regulus’ eyes widened for a moment. His own features betraying him for a brief moment; A very brief moment. Regulus’ eyes narrowed at him, his fingers curling around his wand at his side.   
“I will not be taunted or insulted by a filth like you. Especially the likes of you.” He hissed like the snake he was. Dorian clenched his jaw.   
“Is that another insult to the bullshit blood status? I hear it everyday now. You’re an idiot to think that has any effect on me anymore.” Dorian spat victoriously. Regulus laughed darkly and Dorian frowned at him. The same boy who had been so quiet and before he would never thought to have a one on one confrontation like this.   
“No.” He corrected his voice icy and amused to a degree of spite dripping from the words. “I will not be disrespected by anybody especially not half bloods or mudbloods and especially not by queers.” Dorian’s eyes widened and that stung hard. He gripped his collar bringing him forward where the tip of his wand dug against his skin. Dorian’s breathing increased with the rage that filled him. Anger bubbling up at the twist of the knife brought by his words. “You’re as low as they get. A queer half-blood.” He scoffed. “I’ve never heard of something so disgusting in-”   
“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!” Dorian shouted in his face. Regulus smirked as Dorian’s breathing became heavier with the burning anger flooding him now.   
“Go on. Get your revenge, half-blood.” He hissed, looking at him with a haunting pleading expression. “Hex me or perhaps you are man enough to use the same spell. ” He encouraged him. Regulus became irritated by his lack of action.   
“Do it, qu-”   
“SAY IT ONE MORE TIME!” Dorian shouted, his blood boiling. He took a deep breath, suppressing his anger. “Say it one more time and see what happens.” He hissed, pressing the wand harder causing Regulus to shuffle back in true discomfort.   
“Just give the letter to my brother and you won’t hear it.” Regulus spat.   
“I already told you no.” Dorian hissed, looking like he was about to do it.   
“What are you waiting for? Hex me and be on your way.” Regulus hissed, clutching the letter in his hand. Dorian lowered his hand, shoving him back harshly.   
“You aren’t worth it.” Dorian hissed before he forcefully pushed past him. “Stay the hell away from me.” It was clear that Dorian was troubled by it all even disturbed.   
“Hey, Sirius.” Regulus had tried to stay close to the brother he had idolized. He so wanted to be like him. The older male ignored him, brushed him off. “Siruis-” Him and Potter ignored him laughing before they knocked into him not even sparing him a glance. While they walked they bumped into a hufflepuff student.   
“Sorry, mate.” Sirius had quickly said though he hardly meant it. Regulus felt that same fleeting of uselessness in his first year.   
“Hey, Sirius!” He had called from the court-yard in his second year. Sirius ignored him, his shoulders tensing.   
“Isn’t that your brother?” The scar-ridden boy asked, looking over. Some half-blood Regulus had found his brother liked for some reason. Sirius looked over with dread and irritation.   
“Yeah. He can’t seem to take a hint.” They laughed at his brother’s comment, walking off.   
Regulus had been ignored his whole life. He was ignored by his father, by his mother when she didn’t want something, and he had been ignored by his brother. He was tired of it all. Sick and tired of being ignored, knocked into, and brushed off.  
“NO!” He shouted, gripping onto the back of Dorian’s robes and pulling him with such force that surprised even himself at the force. Dorian let out a painful cry as his whole body crashed into the rocky stone wall painfully, losing his balance. “You think you are so much better than everyone! You, the mudblood, that half-breed, and Potter! I will NOT be ignored anymore!” He shouted at Dorian as the gryffindor tried to push him off, going for his wand.   
“Dorian!” Lily yelled, aiming her wand as Regulus hands gripped around Dorian’s throat. “Stuphey!” She quickly flicked red sparks at Regulus before he was knocked back and Dorian gasped, his lungs sucking in the air cut off from him moments before. He quickly swung his fist, hitting Regulus in the jaw before he picked up his wand from the ground.   
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouted, rubbing his throat. Regulus was shaking with anger.   
“You lot! That’s what is wrong with me! Ever since you came into my life my life has been shit! I am sick and tired of being forgotten!” He shouted at the two, his proper act forgotten.   
“You’ve done that all by yourself.” Lily spat, keeping her wand raised. Regulus glared at the two looking as if he was going to explode.   
“SHUT UP!” His voice bounced off the walls before he began hammering them with spells. Then shouting sounded behind them as Remus came running towards them, sounding off quick spells that caused Regulus to become defensive.  
“Regulus, End this!” Dorian yelled. Regulus glared at him.   
“Dorian Spinster you are nothing but, a filthy half-blood standing somewhere you don’t belong! You are nothing without your half-breed.” He stated looking at Remus. “Muggle-loving Potter, my idiot of a brother, and that cowardly rat.” He listed. Dorian stood in front of the two.   
“Dorian, Move!” Remus yelled, with a worried expression.   
“Dorian, Get back here!” Lily yelled after him as Dorian walked towards Regulus.   
“Dorian, Stop!”   
“I don’t care, Regulus. I don’t care about your mommy issues. I don’t care that you feel ignored! I don’t care about the rumors. I do not care. Now, stop stalling and end this.” Dorian hissed with spite. Regulus held his wand out as did Dorian; Both aiming at the other. Regulus scoffed and Dorian looked him in the eyes seeing hurt, pain, and were those tears? Tears for what? Dorian was sure the slytherin didn’t even know how to cry.   
“The rumors are true, Spinster. I am doing something to make a difference. To make the world better.” Dorian scoffed.   
“By killing off your supposed filthy people like me?!” Dorian questioned, anger pooling inside him.   
“I won’t waste my breath explaining to someone who doesn’t care.” Dorian saw the bandage under his sleeve and a hint of a black mark on his arm like a tattoo. He didn’t have too many guesses about what it was.Dorian clenched his jaw.   
“I said end this.” He hissed. The two threw their wands back before throwing their respected spells at each other. Red sparks ignited from the tip of Dorian’s black wand after a small but quick circular motion. Regulus thrusted his dark brown wand down and out green lights exploded from the tip, twisting around each other like ribbons, cutting through the red. Dorian eyes widened as Regulus, unlike himself hissed out the words coldly. “Avada Kedavra.”   
“DORIAN!” Remus screamed, throwing spells at him and cursing themselves for allowing Dorian to go ahead. Dorian swung his wand in a slash motion before diving to the cold stone floor, cutting and scraping his skin. Remus and Lily quickly darted away the spell darting towards them and burning the ground. Regulus looked drained from it and guilt crossed his face, looking down at his wand in disgust.   
“REGULUS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” He turned to the side, a blue stream hitting him right in the chest and knocking him clear onto his back and the ground. Sirius and James ran towards him down the hall. Remus sprinted over to where Dorian laid in shock over taking him as his heart pounded in his ears and his hands trembled slightly. James casted a quick binding charm around him, keeping Regulus stilled in place. Lily followed after Remus, looking over Dorian with worry and fear. James looked at them with a scared expression.   
“T-That was the killing curse, wasn’t it?” Lily questioned, shaken up herself.   
“It was.” Remus’ voice was grim. James nodded, squeezing his hand tight around his wand.   
“You fucking death eater!” Sirius shouted, kicking Regulus hard in the ribs before James stormed over towards him.   
“What the hell were you doing?! Huh? Think it would be funny-”   
“I just wanted something delivered-”   
“So, You try to kill one of my best friends?!” Sirius shouted, wanting to tear him apart.   
“I-I lost control-” Sirius pulled him up by the collar and threw his fist straight into his nose.   
“YOU USED THE KILLING CURSE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Sirius screamed at him.   
“What would you have done if it struck him, huh?” James was clearly enraged but, unlike Sirius his rage caused him to remain in a calm state that was far more chilling this Sirius' loud screaming and shouts of rage. Regulus was silent.   
“He would have killed us too.” Remus stated, a dark look on him. “Isn’t that what they teach you lot? To leave no witnesses. To slaughter-”   
“It isn’t like that! I’m not-”   
“Let’s see shall we.” James and Sirius tore his sleeve up, ripping the bandage off as Regulus found it impossible to move under James’ jinx even as he screamed. Sirius backed away in horror  
“Shit.” He looked down at the dark mark on his brother’s forearm in horror. “You really did it..” Regulus glared at him.   
“Yes, I did because you weren’t there to do it! When you left I became the only son! I became the head of house so, of course I had to become one of them!” He shouted at him with disgust and anger. “You left me, Sirius! You left me alone in that hell hole!” He shouted accusingly.   
“I left because I was unwelcomed! I am not like you, Regulus! I am not the favorite!” James didn’t know what to do in his instant and that killed him.   
“All you think of is about yourself! You never once cared about the consequences of your actions!” Regulus spat at him and Sirius stormed closer to him.   
“I never once told you to become one of them! You have free will, Regulus!”   
“I have to be a good son or else I’ll be just like you! An ungrateful, disgrace to the family! I will not have my name burned off of the family tree like you and that muggle loving cousin of ours!” He spat. Sirius looked hurt from that but anger quickly replaced it.   
“Fine. If that’s how you feel.” Sirius picked up the letter before he ripped it to shreds. “Stay away from me and my friends. At least I can I haven’t used the fucking killing curse-” Regulus laughed even as tears gathered in his eyes.   
“That’s classic. You protecting your filthy blood traitors, half-breeds, and filthy queers-”   
“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!” Dorian shouted at him, as the first tear fell painfully as Remus and Lily tried to comfort him while holding him back. James swung his fist down, hitting him hard in the jaw.   
“You don’t get to insult any of us. You have no right…” Dorian stopped listening at this point and he shoved past Peter and Lily, ignoring Remus and his protest.   
“Dorian, wait-” He grabbed his arm tugging him back. Dorian ripped his arm away from his.   
“Get away from me!” He snapped loudly before he stormed off, not really sure where. He found himself on the bridge, leaning over the railing, the slight breeze blowing over but, it didn’t help the sick feeling he felt inside of him. Dorian had never let out his emotions besides the slight anger whenever he got into some fights but now was different. Now, he felt hurt, useless, and disgusting. That disgust feeling he first felt when his mother expressed her concern over his lack of interest in dating or at least the people she wanted and expected him to date. The same disgust that was in her voice that night. The disgust she bestowed on him that night was eating at him once again. Then shame flooded him as he realized he was crying. He was crying. His lip quivered and pained sobs slipped past his thin lips.   
“Dorian?” He jumped, turning around to see a concerned and worried Remus. Dorian cursed himself before he turned away.   
“I told you to stay-”   
“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” Dorian sighed, quickly wiping his face and then rubbing his forehead in frustration, his back to him still. “You’ve been acting strange all year.” Dorian cringed and took a deep breath.   
‘I don’t need this right-”   
“No, You’re going to hear this! I am worried about you, Dorian! You’ve been off lately and you stopped writing during the summer even after I wrote you all those letters.” Dorian sighed. “Did I do something?” Dorian turned around quickly, shaking his head.   
“No, No. God, no. You didn’t do anything.” Dorian reassured with a softness to his tone. A tone only Remus seemed to bring out.   
“Just tell them the truth.” Mary had been telling him the same advice for years now.   
“What is it then? You seem almost disconnected.” Dorian went to open his mouth but, the witty gryffindor beat him to it. “And don’t say the war. I know it’s something else.” Dorian looked down, picking at his nails in a nervous way.   
“Truth be told I-I’m scared to.” He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. Remus frowned.   
“Scared?” He scoffed. “You’ve never been scared of anything before.” He gave him a small smile. “Always so confident. Something I wish I had.” Dorian shook his head.   
“Mostly just an act, Moony.” He nervously laughed, pushing his glasses up. “There’s so much I’m not confident about.” It was true he wasn’t. He had put this off for years. He constantly told himself that he just needed more time to know for sure. That was three years ago and nothing changed. He was scared.   
“Pretty good actor then, howls.” That nickname that almost seemed too childish for the situation but, they both laughed nervously before Remus returned to his worried and concerned expression. “Please tell me the truth, Dorian.” He looked up finally at the taller boy.   
“W-What Regulus called me is true.” He muttered and for once he was thankful for the extra hearing Remus’ lycanthropy had granted him. Remus’ eyes went wide.   
“But, it’s not.” Dorian cursed under his breath.   
“God damnit, Remus! You of all people-” He took a deep breath. “Look this is why I didn’t want to say anything because I-I can’t live without you or any of the other guys. I-If you reacted in denial how are pads and prongs going-” Dorian stopped himself that burning pain in his chest once more. “Just forget it.” He turned to walk away and he felt tears coming as he didn’t hear footsteps behind him.   
“You aren’t disgusting!” He called after him. Dorian halted.   
“Excuse me?” He turned looking at him.   
“You aren’t what Regulus called-”   
“Remus, I get that you don’t agree with it but,-”   
“He called you a disgusting..” Remus seemed to struggle saying it. “A disgusting queer and you aren’t.” Remus sighed before he hurried towards him. “Sure there are worse things he could call you but, it still doesn’t describe you.” Dorian clenched his jaw.   
“The what does-”   
“Gay. Homosexual. Those are words that describe what you are. What he called you is something he and people like him use to belittle people like us.” Dorian stood there in shock.   
“Like us?” He questioned, confused. Remus looked like a deer in headlights before he nodded.   
“I like both. I-If you know what I mean.” Dorian scoffed.   
“Why the hell didn’t you say anything?” He questioned.   
“Why didn’t you?” Dorian shuffled, looking down.   
“I didn’t know how you or the others would react. I-I was scared you’d cast me out. T-That I’d lose you.” Remus shook his head.   
“They accept me for being a werewolf. Why wouldn’t they accept you for being into guys?” Remus asked, bluntly. Dorian stammered for a moment.   
“Because you can’t help that-”   
“And you can’t help your sexuality. It’s a part of you as much as my problem is a part of me. The difference being your preference isn’t a disease or a condition.” That burning pain was replaced with a lighter feeling and he felt a weight lifted from him.   
“So, you accept me?” Dorian asked in disbelief. Remus nodded, letting out a short scoff.   
“How could I not? You’re one of my best friends. I care a little too much about you. If you accept me for what I just told you then I accept you.” Dorian nodded.   
“Remus, I-I’m sorry-” The sandy haired gryffindor quickly embraced him into a tight hug and Dorian was stiff for a moment before he wrapped his arms around the taller one, feeling tears coming about.   
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” He pulled away looking at him with a reassuring smile. “Thank you for telling me.” Dorian smiled, wiping the tears away from his face.   
“Dorian!” He turned and saw James running with Sirius and Lily. Remus noticed how Dorian stiffened.   
“Hey, They’ll accept it as long as you’re ready.” Dorian didn’t say anything. They all looked worried and guilt passed through Dorian at the sight.   
“You okay?” James quickly asked.   
“He didn’t have any right to-”   
“I have to tell you something.” Dorian quickly blurted out. This wasn’t at all how he imagined this would go but, at least he wouldn't be hiding from his friends anymore.   
“Well first are you alright? You look a little pink.” Lily commented.   
“Guys.” Remus warned.   
“J-Just promise you won’t have a fit and freak out.” They exchanged confused and concerned expressions.   
“Of course.” James nodded.   
“Yeah, You can tell us anything.” Sirius added. Dorian nodded taking a deep breath.   
“W-Well, Uh..You know how I’ve never dated anyone?” He asked. The three nodded.   
“Well, I-I don’t date girls.” He almost forgot how dense Prongs and Padfoot could be.   
“So?” James asked, clueless. Dorian picked at his nails again, looking down for a moment.   
“I-I’m not into girls…” James and Sirius looked at each other, their eyes growing wide. He took a deep breath. “I’m into guys.” He quickly looked away from him. “I really hope this doesn’t effect-”   
“Effect what? Dorian, I thought you knew us better than that.” Dorian was dumbfounded by how nonchalantly they took that.   
“Yeah I mean we’ve been causing trouble since we were what six? I’ll accept you no matter what.” Dorian was in disbelief.   
“I’m happy for you, Dorian.” Lily smiled sweetly. “But, Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” She asked.   
“Yeah I mean if you had just told us we wouldn’t have tried to hook you up with Mary.” James informed. Dorian was still in shock. Was it really that easy?   
“Y-You mean you aren’t angry?” He questioned and Remus smiled. It was their turn to be in disbelief.   
“Why would we be?” Dorian stuttered trying to put his rambling thoughts into words. James stepped towards him. “We’re marauders, right? We stick together no matter what.” James and Sirius threw their arms over his shoulder. “As long as you don’t become a death eater.” Dorian laughed, looking down.   
“Not a chance.” They grinned.   
“You could have told us sooner, mate.” Dorian sighed.   
“Yeah. We’ll always have your back.”   
“Thanks, guys.”   
“Dinner anyone?” Lily suggested. They all agreed in unison before they quickly made their way there and Dorian felt like a heavy weight was finally lifted off of him and he had to admit. He felt really good.


	4. Chapter 4

The Gryffindor common room was always a great place to hang out when outside wasn’t an option. It was always warm and with a little chatter that it wasn’t too much nor was it too silent. In the winter months Dorian personally liked sitting on the rug in front of the large fire feeling the warmth on his skin after a cold day. It was currently pouring down rain and storming so the common room was a much better choice than the black lake. They all were laughing about pranks and such. James sat on the couch with an arm around Lily, who curled up to his side. Sirius was sitting next to Marlene while the two flirted back and forth completely out of the conversation.   
“So, How was detention with the slug boy?” James teased and Lily smacked his side.   
“James! Be nice to him! It’s your own fault that Slughorn doesn't like you.” She reminded and Prongs rolled his eyes.   
“Remember when we dyed all of his robes bright yellow?” Dorian laughed and James began to laugh with him.   
“That was you?!  
“That was classic!” James and Dorian high fived while Remus and Peter snickered. Dorian picked up the daily prophet before James tossed a crumpled up ball of paper at his back.   
“What?” Dorian tossed it back at him. James smacked it away.   
“Your mum ever write back? Doesn’t she take like an entirety to give you a response?” Dorian sighed, taking out the thick envelope, showing it off. “Oh, Merlin.” James snickered seeing the six pages she had written back.   
“Tell me about it. I ask her a simple question and she lectures me.” Lily raised an eyebrow.   
“Lecture?” Dorian took a deep breath, shaking his head.   
“My mother seems to think I have too much fun.” James couldn’t help but laugh. “Always reminding me to have fun and remember my morals.” Remus put down his book in disbelief.   
“I’m sorry but, remember your morals?” He questioned. Dorian rolled his eyes. “I mean what the hell does that even mean?” Remus questioned.   
“That I should be exactly the son she wants me to be. You know: Head boy, perfect grades, perfect attendance, popular, and dating the perfect girl. Then there’s the future she has planned out for me.” James had heard this many times before when Dorian would get sick and tired of his mother’s lectures and rants and come over to his house.   
“Future?” Lily questioned.   
“Yeah I’ll graduate top of my class, follow in her steps or at least become a healer, not fight in the war, and settle down with some blonde girl with money.” He listed bitterly.   
“But, What do you want to do?” Remus asked, intrigued as he had never heard this before. He supposed James heard it before considering his lack of reaction.   
“Oh!” They say how quickly Dorian’s expression went from bitter to beaming at what he actually wanted to do with his life.   
“Become an auor, stand my ground, and just find a nice guy who loves me for being me. I don’t care if he has money or not.” He explained. They smiled at his response but, Remus’ faltered for a moment.   
“Does she know about your preference?” He asked and Dorian looked down at the letter. He shook his head, his shoulders slumping slightly. Remus didn’t take his eyes off of him.   
“I’m sure she’d accept you either way.” Lily reassured.   
“Yeah, Lils right.” Dorian’s smile returned before they each went back to whatever they were doing previously. Dorian couldn’t help but drift his gaze over to Remus. He sat next to him, his chocolate like eyes scanning the book so carefully and entrically that it almost made him jealous. It had his full attention which was only reserved for a few things and people. Dorian had been feeling this tension between them but, it wasn’t a bad tension it was like both of them had something to say but, neither could get it out.   
“What book are you reading?” Dorian finally asked after staring at him for what seemed like hours. Remus saved his place quickly before he looked up giving him all of his attention.   
“Oh it’s just some old muggle book.” He shrugged and Dorian scoffed, shaking his head. “What?”   
“Why does everyone seem to forget that my mother is muggle-born?” Remus opened his mouth to most likely apologize but Peter beat him to it.   
“Cept’ the slythreins.” He told him with his mouth full of candy. He rolled his eyes before looking over towards him.   
“Yes, wormy. Thank you for reminding me.” He sarcastically remarked. Remus tried to hold his laugh back before Dorian moved closer to the crossed-crossed gryffindor with his legs bent in front of him, the warm heat of the fire setting an orange glow on him and Remus.   
“May I?” Remus nodded, handing over the worn out book. Remus watched him look over the book with a certain gentleness that no one he knew ever treated his books with.   
“Sorry. I sometimes forget that you are half-blood. You just seem too extraordinary to be just a half-blood.” Dorian’s eyes stayed focused on the book even if he wasn’t really reading it anymore. Instead Remus’ seemingly innocent comment had caused him to feel heat rush to his cheeks.   
“Please you are far more brilliant and talented than most of the people in our own house.” It was Remus' turn to feel flustered at his comment. “I read this not too long ago actually.” He quickly moved on with the conversation. Remus’ interest peaked up.   
“Really?” He was astonished. He hadn’t realized he moved closer. “Did you like it?” The sandy-haired boy asked, eagerly. Dorian nodded with as much eagerness.   
“Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors. Have you read any of his plays or poems?” Remus was ecstatic to have learned this.   
“No, I haven’t. I didn’t know you liked muggle books so much. I’d figure you would be more into magical ones.” It was true that Dorian was a known reader and even when skipping classes he managed to get his grades up. He also usually had a book on him but, it was never the amount or size that Remus had with him.   
“I like them both but the classics are different. A good different especially wilde.” Remus nodded in agreement. The two soon plunged into a long conversation about their favorite muggle books. The common room was empty by the time Remus looked around once more. “Time flies when you’re having fun.” Dorian said, removing his glasses to clean them off with his shirt.   
“You haven’t forgotten your morals have you?” Remus smirked before Dorian pushed him slightly.   
“You ass!” The two laughed before Remus took his glasses.   
“Don’t you know any spells for this?” He shook his head before muttering a quick cleaning spell. “Allow me, howls.” Remus pushed the silver framed glasses onto his face and that’s when he realized how close they were as Remus was leaning towards him. The two quickly became flustered before Remus backed away to where he was taking the book. Dorian looked away, quiet as he bit down on his bottom lip. “Um..” Remus cleared his throat, gaining Dorian’s attention.   
“Yeah, Rem?” A small smile grew at the little nickname.   
“Would you like to read with me?” Dorian grinned, nodding eagerly.   
“I’d love to.” 

“You know if you didn’t spend all night out with Remus this wouldn’t be happening?” Mary had reminded him for the sixth time during Defense Against The Dark Arts. It wasn’t a very exciting day as they were just reading the textbook chapters. Well, the professor was and his students were supposed to be following along. If Dorian didn’t have his mother down his throat about having perfect grades or if he didn’t care so much he would be causing mischief with James and Sirius or at least sleeping in. Dorian yawned for maybe the tenth time when Mary had made the comment once more.   
“It wasn’t all night, Mary.” She rolled her eyes, glancing over to Remus who sat next to Lily two rows in front of them.   
“You were asleep on the couch.” She recalled and he groaned.   
“Why don’t you just you know tell him how you really-” He shot her a glare.   
“Forget it.” She kicked him under the table.   
“I will not. Both of you are obviously into each other. Why else would he invite you to read with him?” Dorian had been stealing looks at him all class period and Mary noticed every time and she teased him. Lily and her both noticed whenever Dorian made the attempt to write down some notes Remus would glance over his shoulder. The two girls shared a look together with a raised eyebrow.   
“Just kiss him alrea-”   
“Mary, shove off.” She swatted his hand away when he went to push her away.   
“Don’t you touch me with your ink stained fingers!” She warned. He looked at her offended. “Dorian, How do you possibly get ink on you every day?” She commented, seeing how ink had stained his index fingertip. He rolled his eyes at her as he kept writing. Remus looked over his shoulder, watching how intently Dorian tried to keep up with what their boring monotone professor lectured about. He watched how focused he was and how he quickly wrote in his cursive that was nothing like Remus’ messy handwriting. Dorian met his eyes for the first time since their glancing game they had been unintentionally playing. They both smiled at each other before they both looked away. Remus took a deep breath before he tried to pick back up with his notes.   
“Oh my god.” Lily quietly gasped. “You’re into him.” Remus ignored her at first before she nudged him. “You so are!” Remus sighed.   
“No I-I don’t. That’s mad.” He laughed nervously.   
“Is it?”   
“Yes, Lily! W-What deranged thought would make you think that I fancied Dorian?” Lily couldn’t help the laugh.   
“I never said who.” Remus blushed painfully bright.   
“You should ask him-”   
“No.” He said firmly.   
“But, you’d be cute and it’s clear he likes-”   
“Lily, He doesn’t like me like that. Why would he? So, please just drop it.” Lily was quiet before she looked over to Mary, who pointed at the two of them and made a heart with her hands.   
“Evans, Macdonald!” The two girls quickly went back to taking notes. When class ended the two boys were quick to get away from the giggling girls. Lily and Mary quickly walked together.   
“Those boys are hopeless.” Lily commented.   
“Aren’t they? Dorian kept staring at Remus when he thought I wasn’t looking.” Lily nodded as they hurried down towards the dungeons.   
“I know! Remus kept denying it but, did you see how they looked at each other?” The two girls kept whispering before Lily stopped.   
“We have to get them to realize it.”   
“Aren’t we reviewing love potions today?” Lily asked, the dangerous look of plotting in her green eyes.   
“Yeah, Why?” Mary asked.   
“We need to get Slughorn to call on them to describe what they smell.” MAry gasped.   
“You’re brilliant, Lily! But, how do you know he’ll do that?” She questioned and Lily gave her a look before sighing.   
“Because. The man may be a great potions master but, he’s not very creative when it comes to lessons.” The two girls grinned before hooking arms and quickly running into the room. People were already gathered and the marauders were already lined up with James and Sirius looking rather bitter being there. As Lily would have expected Slughorn had a small cauldron that was covered and it was the usual set up when he had brought up love potions last year. Mary and her exchanged a look of excitement.   
“What’s got you so excited, Lils?” James asked, putting an arm around her waist. She did her best to stop the grin as Mary stood by Dorian.   
“Just a little plan to hook up the two lovebirds.” James gave her a look before she guestered to Remus and Dorian.   
“No, they aren’t-” He looked back at them. “Nah. Can’t be.” She smirked, always loving proving people wrong. Slughorn then began the lesson and it went exactly how Lily thought it would be. A copy of the same one from last year.   
“Now, Can anyone tell me what this one is?” He gestured to the small cauldron.   
“A love potion.” Mary confidently called. The class looked at her surprised.   
“Correct! This brew however is amortentia. The strongest kind. It is said that each person smell’s something different based on what they are attracted to. That is how it lure’s those to it. Very dangerous.” He explained and most of everyone looked far more than bored except for Lily and Mary who looked like they were about to pop from anticipation.   
“Now, Who’d like to volunteer?” No one stepped forwards until Mary shoved Dorian forwards harshly. He caught his glasses last minute after they fell from his face, a few snickering.   
“Ah, Mister Spinner-”   
“Spinster, sir.” Dorian corrected. Slughorn guestered towards the potion and he sighed before he stepped forwards. The smell caught him off guard   
“Smells like..burnt wood, old books, earl grey tea…” Each word he unknowingly stepped closer the fumes filtering off. “And chocolate-” His eyes widened before he quickly stepped back, his eyes wide and his face flustered.   
“Did he-”   
“Told you so.” Lily whispered back to James. Slughorn got the class’s attention back before offering up to someone else to prove it smells entirely different.   
“Sirius, push moony.” Sirius looked at him before he was met by Lily’s intense glare. He only had to shove him with one hand. Remus looked back at them with a glare that challenged Lily’s intensity. The rest of the marauders watched him closely as he approached it.   
“And what do you smell, Mister Lupin?”   
“Um...dried ink, parchment, cut grass, a-and nutmeg.” Remus slowly backed away, his eyes widened in shock and his arms crossed.   
“Lils, You’re right.” James gasped.   
“Nutmeg?” She questioned.   
“Dorian’s mum makes nutmeg cake. Dorian loves it. He loves anything with nutmeg in it.” James whispered. Lily noticed how red Dorian was as he watched Remus from the corner of his eye, who looked just as flustered.   
“See very different smells.” Sirius leaned over to them.   
“Did they just smell each other when-”   
“Yep.” The three of them just looked at the two. “We have to help them out. They’re just-”   
“Hopeless.” They said in unison.


	5. Chapter 5

“Moony! Padfoot!” Dead leaves crunched under his shoes as he hurried across the cold ground of the Forbidden Forest. 

_ “Remus, Calm down. Remus, you need to calm down! You’re making it worse than-” Peter moved back to keep out of the way as Remus charged at him as tears spilled over as his body trembled under the might of a rising full moon and a savage wolf ripping at its cage.  _

“Prongs! Howls! Moony! Padfoot!” Peter breathed heavily after stopping from the run, his side hurting. He had a few bruises and some scratches but, nothing too serious. He worried about the others and as usual felt guilty about his animagis not being what he deemed ‘large enough’ to actually help. 

_ The moonlight filtered into the room slowly as if taunting the poor seventeen-year old. His eyes dilated as he looked at the full moon. “MOVE!” He screamed at Peter, who stood too close to him. Remus’ whole body started to convulse and his breathing was erratic before the screaming started. “Peter, Move!”  _

“Wormtail!” His head picked up and started running towards the source. He quickly ran towards where James stood, a hand on his side and leaves sticking in his messy raven hair. “Padfoot! Moony! Howls!” He called as his skinny fingers ran through the thick layer of leaves and twigs as he searched for his missing glasses. 

“Prongs!” Peter quickly ran over to him. 

“I lost my glasses.”  __

_ A high pitched scream erupted from the outskirts of the forest and the four boys’ hearts dropped at the sound. Moony turned his head, sniffing in the air before he let out a long howl before he raced away towards the girl, a hufflepuff in their year. She screamed again as she began to run for her life. The four chased after him as Padfoot barked and Dorian howled. Wormtail let out a squeak as Sirius latched onto his arm, pulling him away as Howls growled at him trying to back him up. He barked and howled at him. Moony let out a ragged snarl that mixed into a terrifying growl before he slung the black dog off of him, baring his sharp teeth at him. Padfoot growled back at him, not backing down. Howls growled behind him, planting his large paws on the ground. Moony ran at the ash-brown colored wolf before the two canines charged at the large werewolf. Moony grabbed onto Padfoot’s neck, slinging him to the side before he hit the ground painfully, rolling over as Howls charged at him again. Wormtail quickly ran between the two of them, running up Moony’s back and biting at him causing the mangled wolf to swing around its own body before Howls and Sirius charged at him, claws and teeth catching skin and the three tackling to the ground harshly. Moony slung Sirius onto the ground harshly, the dog tumbling down the slope before the tall werewolf grabbed onto Howls before he threw him. The wolf let out a loud whimper as his body hit a tree. Loud puffs of labored breathing heard as the pounding of hooves sounded as Moony stood over Howls who, whimpered as the werewolf held his large claws on his right paw-like hand over him about to strike down savagely. A loud crash as a large stag dashed, his antlers pointed downwards as he rammed Moony with them before the werewolf was knocked completely back and on the ground harshly. Prongs breath came out in puffs of white like fog in the cold hair as his solid and puffed out chest heaved from the run. He brought his head up and rubbed his hoof at the ground. Moony shot up, running at him, limping to a point. Prongs reared back, swinging his hooves down on him before howls shot up from the ground, letting out a loud and long howl before he ran underneath the two before he jumped at Moony.  _

James’ right eye was swollen and bruised purple while he had scratches along his jaw and neck. His shirt was ripped slightly with small dots of blood on it. His side was killing him and he was sure it had something to do with his ribs. Peter helped him up and began tossing leaves away to clear the way before picking up the smashed pair of glasses. He got his wand out and mended them best as he could. 

“Here.” James’ fingernails were covered in dirt and a few fingers on his left hand looked jammed and his middle finger looked broken. He took them carefully, pushing them up his nose. He muttered a quick spell and the scratches flew off like insects. 

“Thanks.” He leaned against the tree, taking a deep breath as his legs and arms were sore and felt stiff. “Where’s the others?” He asked, holding his side. 

“I-I don’t know.” James' expression hardened. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” He raised his voice at the smaller gryffindor. 

“I-I lost them last night. I woke up not far from you.” James shoved past him, moving quickly through the foggy forest, the morning sun shining a little more than when Peter first woke up. “James, wait!” He hurried after him while James started calling out for the others. Dorian groaned as he opened his eyes to the image of tall trees pointing up to dusk’s sky. He slowly rolled over and he winced at the pain in his shoulder and then the soreness in the middle of his back. He cursed under his breath as he slowly got to his feet. He hung onto a tree, holding his shoulder before he tried to wipe the blood from his busted lip. He cringed at the dried blood that peeled off of his bottom lip before he felt the gash going through his left brow. He shivered at the coldness as he walked, his ankle burning as his bare right foot stepped down on the freezing dead leaves and his shirt was ripped along the back and the sleeves missing chunks. 

“Remus! Sirius! Peter! James!” He yelled, looking around worried. 

“Dorian!” He whipped around and saw Sirius, James, and Peter hurrying down. 

“You alright, mate?” James questioned, with concern dripping from his words. Dorian nodded. 

“Yeah. Shoulder acting up but, nothing I haven’t gotten from Quidditch.” He looked over them and Sirius' laid limp by his side. “Padfoot?” He eyed the gash on the side of his head and cuts on his neck along with the bruises. 

“Broken arm but, nothing major. Still breathing.” He joked and they scoffed. 

“Always the jokester you are.” Peter said, looking a little pale. “Where’s Remus?” The blonde asked. Dorian’s eyes looked between them. 

“You mean he isn’t with you?” Dorian was worried. Very few times had he transformed this badly; Usually when he was stressed or freaked out by something other than the obvious. It had been very rare that they woke up far from him. 

“He is usually by you all the time.” Sirius pointed out. 

“Well, not this time.” Dorian picked up his wand from the base of the tree as they began searching for him which turned to a frantic one. “Remus!” They called, rushing around the forest spread out but not too far. “Remus! Moony! Where are you?!” They called out. Dorian was slightly ahead of them as they tried to cover the forest but that was an impossible feat even for the marauders. Peter started muttering with a panicked look on his face. 

“This is all my fault! I-I should have stayed close! I’m such an idiot!” He pulled on his hair. 

“Hey! This isn’t anyone’s fault, Pete.” James gripped his shoulders. 

“Yes it is! I-If I had been more brave like you o-or-” 

“You were here! That is brave enough.” James tried to convince him, forcing him to walk with him a confronting arm slung around his shoulders. 

“Prongs is right. Anything else would have been foolish.” Sirius added. 

“But-” 

“You were here, Peter. You know how much that means to Remus. You were here and you helped.” Dorian tried to convince him, giving him a small smile. Peter looked at them, guilt in his eyes. 

“That’s enough. You are enough.” James reassured. “Now, let’s find Moony.” Peter nodded, walking with them as they hurried through the forest. Dorian huffed, twisting his wand around as a nervous habitat while worry played him like a fiddle. He stopped, looking around before he saw something moving in the distance and hanging onto a tree before continuing on. Dorian’s eyes widened before without a second thought he sprinted towards the figure, ignoring the throbbing pain that burned around his ankle. 

“Remus!” He shouted and the others followed behind him, struggling to keep up with him. Moony’s shaky legs gave out, his shirt somewhere abandoned in shreds. Fresh scars and dirt covered his face as old scars had been opened and his torsco exposed to the cold weather. Tears streamed down his face and his throat burned when he tried to call out to them. The only thing that had somewhat survived was his trousers which were ripped and tattered and they only covered his knee. “Remus!” Dorian quickly ran towards him in a full sprint before he stopped beside him, sliding on the wet leaves slightly. Remus reached out to him, his skin like ice as he shivered. Dorian quickly tore off his jacket and put it around Remus for some kind of warmth. Dorian wrapped his arms around him as Remus cried and shook in his arms. 

“Guys!” He called and they quickly ran to them. James was quick to tear his shoes off and then his socks. They were quick to attend to him as Dorian tried to calm him as he conjured bandages for the many cuts and gashes that littered his arms, chest, sides, and back. Sirius tore his larger jacket off and put it around Remus’ shoulders on top of Dorian’s. 

“I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!-” 

“It’s not your fault.” James gave him his socks, Sirius gave him his jacket, and Peter lended him his shoes. 

“You did give us quite the scare, Moony.” James joked and Remus scoffed, shaking his head. 

“Thank you.” He managed to get out. James lifted onto his back, his hands holding his legs securely as he stood up. Dorian took his wand as the four of them walked side by side out the forest. Remus looked incredibly drained as he leaned his head down on James’ shoulder. “I owe you guys.” He admitted. 

“Nah.” Sirius shook his head. 

“We owe you for such a good time.” Peter joked causing him to laugh a little but, his sides hurt for that. 

“This is what friends are for. Whenever you need us we’ll be there. Right guys?” They smiled. 

“Right.” 

Remus laid in a bed in the hospital wing feeling much warmer but still as sore. The others were patched up with a few bruised and broken ribs, some cuts, a sprained ankle, a broken arm, and a handful of bruises. They had all sat around his bed but, after being a little too loud were all kicked out and forced to go to class. Remus found it hard enough to fall asleep but, staying asleep was torture. He was so bored and would much rather be in class or plotting with the rest of them. Madam Pomfrey had left for a reason Remus didn’t really care about but, the silence was terrible. Against his better judgement he peeled the white sheets off of him and stood up, walking towards the window and let himself just admire the view. That was until he saw an arm swing over the ledge, gripping onto the ledge from below. Remus’ eyes widened as he saw Dorian pull himself up, his robes whipping in the cold wind and his cheeks red from the crisp wind while his wand was in his mouth, sideways securely. He got to his feet , taking his wand out of his mouth and turning around with a smile. Remus gave him a look before he opened the window for him. Dorian quickly shuffled inside. 

“One more minute I’d die from hyperthermia.” He half, joked rubbing his bare hands together as Remus crossed his arms. 

“Do you have any idea how high up this is?” He scolded. Dorian rolled his eyes as Remus returned to bed, regretting getting up in the first place. 

“Would you rather me leave?” 

“No.” He cursed himself for saying it so quickly. “I-I mean of course not. I just don’t want you getting hurt.” Dorian pulled up a chair, taking the leather messenger bag off before he opened it. 

“Don’t worry about me, Rem.” He smiled as he dug around his bag, taking out a pile of books. Some looked older and others looked newer. 

“I figured you’d be bored, so I got you this.” He handed him a book that Remus had never heard of. “It’s a uh older book but it's one of my favorites.” Remus smiled. 

“You didn’t have to, Dorian. I’ll definitely read it tonight.” Dorian nodded before he went back to searching around in his bag when Remus noticed a leather bound journal that looked a bit tattered with a leather string wrapped around it and loose pages sticking out of it in some places. Dorian quickly snatched it away. 

“That’s my personal journal. I’d rather you not-” 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-” Dorian’s eyes widened. 

“No, No. Don’t be sorry it's just a silly thing really. Stupid poems and ramdom ideas.” 

“Why is that stupid?” Dorian gave a small smile with a hint of surprise. “I knew you liked to write but, I didn’t know you had a whole journal.” Dorian nodded, slightly embarshed. 

“I do. Just whenever something comes to me. Mum thinks it’s childish of me and I’d roll over and die if she ever read it.” He admitted with a small laugh. 

“I sometimes forget how demanding she is. If it makes you feel any better I’ll always support you in any way I can.” Dorian’ features lightened up and he gave him a small but bright smile. 

“Ready for your next gift?” That playful, mischievous look that Dorian usually had with a certain light in his eyes that Remus adored. 

“You didn’t have-” Dorian turned the bag upside down and dumped a pile of all types of chocolates: Dark Chocolate bars, Milk Chocolate balls, White Chocolate squares, and they were all wrapped in different colors. Remus couldn’t fight the grin that grew on his face as he looked at the large pile at the foot of the bed. “You don’t mind if we share do you?” Remus just laughed before he hugged him. 

“You’re too good to me.” He admitted, grabbing one from the pile and unwrapping it. Dorian laughed, shaking his head. 

“Not nearly good enough.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday break begins and while it should be happy and usually is Dorian deals with the problems he has at home with his mother. Warning for toxic relationship, slight degrading, and homophobia.

They hurried down past the compartments of the train as the train neared the station, squealing following. All of the young witches and wizards beamed with excitement at the thought of the holidays. Dorian quickly kept up with them as they hurried off of the train, laughing as James tripped on his way down and nearly falling. His friends’ laughter was like music to his ears as he chased after the two black-haired boys that had become brothers to me over the years. Dorian lost himself for a moment as he followed them all to see the smiling faces of the Potters. The two elder wizards hugged him and Sirius like children of their own. They then greeted the others warmly asking how they were and actually cherishing their responses. SOmething must adults didn’t take the time to do. 

“Oh, Dorian. You look absolutely dashing!” Euphemia Potter always seemed to take the time to complement Dorian on whatever it was she saw fit. She did the same to Sirius and James but, Dorian still cherished her words as his own mother never gave him the privilege. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Potter.” Fleamont was a father figure to him and Dorian smiled when he put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Keeping up with quidditch I hear.” Dorian nodded eagerly. 

“One of the best chasers on the team!” Sirius mentioned as James introduced Lily eagerly to his mother. 

“Not likely.” Dorian scoffed and the elder man eyed him. 

“You should be confident, Dorian. Both me and Euphemia agree that we haven’t seen a chaser as good as you since we were in school. You know you could turn that into a promising career.” Dorian grinned at this. 

“You really think so-”

“Absolutely not.” Dorian’s smile fell as he heard the cold voice of his mother behind him. He turned to the dark haired woman who wore all black unlike the lighter robes that the Potters typically wore. She leaned on a sleek dark cane as she approached him, her lips frozen in a thin-line as always. It was very rare she ever smiled and Dorian couldn’t really remember the last time she did. Fleamont's strong but, soft grip on his shoulder was more in a protective way. 

“Bernadette, You’ve never seen Dorian play-” 

“A waste of time. I am a busy woman and as I have always told  _ my  _ son the barbaric sport is a distraction for what he should focus on.” Dorian clenched his jaw at this and looked away from her. His mother was a cold woman who only focused on making him strong and ensuring his future. She never once allowed him to do what he wanted. Bernadette was more than thankful to the potters for taking Dorian under their wing after him and James met. It wasn’t long afterwards she regretted letting her son spend so much time with them as she deemed some of their interest as a bad habitat. She could tolerate him learning to fly but she became angry when they had taken her son to a professional game of quidditch and he came back obsessed with the sport. Dorian cringed at the memory in their second year when he had tried out for the quidditch team for the first time. A memory that should have been happy with him celebrating with his friends on getting a spot as a chaser but, a howler ruined that. One of their first big fights happened later the next summer when she tried to go behind his back to get him removed from the team. 

“You’ve never seen me play.” Dorian reminded. She sent a cold look his way. 

“You should have seen him, Mrs. Spinster. He’s brilliant on a broom-” Lily frowned when his mother laughed. 

“It hardly takes any talent to ride a broom and aimsley fly around. Now, my son will be a brilliant healer if he can ever get through a year passing potions.”

“He’s gotten Exceeding marks in potions.” Remus defended, his arms crossed. 

“Not an outstanding mark, now is it?” She sent a harsh look at Remus, looking him over. “Now, let’s go.” She began walking off. 

“You be good, Dorian. We’ll be seeing you christmas, yes?” Euphemia asked. Dorian nodded, not meeting their eyes. 

“It can’t get here faster.” Dorian sighed, picking up his things. 

“Dorian!” She called before he hurried to follow alongside her. They walked away from the crowd before she stopped. 

“Mum, Are you alright-” She smacked him in the back of the head harshly. 

“You damn fool. I thought I raised you better than to believe in fairy tales!” He looked down, his jaw clenched once more. “You are not a good quidditch player! You are not a good writer! You will not be an auor! You are too weak to fight in this war!” Dorian tried not to flinch at her words. “Do not cry, Dorian Paul Spinster.” She scolded as he pushed them back, his knuckles turning white. “Only weak cowards and fools cry. I did not raise either, did I?” He looked at her in the eyes. 

“No.” 

“Good. Get in. I’m concerned about the company you keep.” She slammed the passenger side of the door shut before he tossed his things into the trunk of the car before getting into the car. It was about a two hour drive home and the whole way she lectured him about how she never approved of his friends. Lectured how she doesn’t want him to go astray as she tried to convince him Sirius and Remus badly influenced him and James. That he was straying away from her and it scared her. Dorian didn’t say a word. 

“And that Remus.” She shook her head. “He’s worse than Sirius. He looks absolutely dreadful and those scars.” Dorian gripped the wheel tighter. “At least cover them up. The way him and Sirius dress. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are freaks like those freaks thinking they deserve equality. It sickens me that the wizardarding world has those freaks causing trouble too.” Dorian wanted to scream as his blood was boiling. He wanted to crash the car, tell her to shut up, and just tell her the truth. 

“At least I don’t have to worry about you being a freak.” Dorian wanted to scream. He wanted to be with the Potters. He wanted to be with his friends. He wanted someone to tell him it was going to be okay and he wanted a family that’d accept him. 

“I know you’ll bring home a nice girl and not be one of those queers. Mark my words. That Lupin boy is one of-” He slammed on the brakes, the engine shutting off abruptly. She caught herself with her hand on the dash, looking at him astounded. 

“Dorian-” 

“Shut up!” He shouted. “I can’t take this, mum. Nothing is ever enough. I got sorted into gryffindor and you told me you’d be more happy if I was in ravenclaw like you. You hate what I do, You hate what I like, and you hate my friends. I am not you, mother. I will never be like you.” She looked like she was going to have a heart attack. 

“I am only concerned, Darling! I don’t want you going down the wrong-” 

“I am on the right path! I am on my path and I will not have you control everything I do. I will not sit here and listen to you degrade me and my friends!” She looked at him shocked. 

“Dorian, Why are you doing this?” Dorian opened the door and got out. “Dorian, I am your mother! You cannot-” He slammed the door before he went to the trunk but, she hurried out and got in his way. 

“Get inside the car, now!” She demanded and he stood there looking back at her. 

“No.” Bernadette looked unsure of how to comprehend her son saying that to her. 

“Dorian! Now!” 

“No!” She pushed him back when he went to open the trunk. He shook his head before he stepped away. “Dorian, wait! Sweetheart, lets’s talk this out. Y-You just confused what I’m saying-” Dorian shook his head as he walked away. 

“I can’t be around you like this, mum! I-I just can’t.” She shook her head, glaring at his backside. 

“You’re just like your father! Walking away instead of facing them like a real man!” She shouted at him and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Dorian, I-I didn’t mean that.” She hurried towards him, grabbing his arm. “Work is just so stressful right now a-and I didn’t mean to say that.” Dorian didn’t know why it was so hard to walk away. 

“I promise I won’t yell at you anymore. I’m just worried, You scare me when I hear all of these things about you and your friends. I don’t want you ending up a freak.” Dorian wanted to scream and break down but he felt frozen and numb. “The house is just up the road.” He wasn’t really sure how she coaxed him into the car and while she drove them home it was silent. Dorian leaned his head against the window wishing he was with his friends; Thinking of all the fun they were having without him. They pulled into the driveway to the two story brick house. 

“I made nutmeg cookies like always. Why don’t you go treat yourself-” 

“Not going to comment on my weight this time around.” He hissed, getting out and slamming the door behind him. 

“Dorian!” He went inside, not bothering to close the front door and slamming his bedroom door shut harshly before locking it. In the safety of his room he stopped in the middle, pushing his hair back as tears began to spill over and he wanted to shout, scream, and throw his fists at something. He wanted to leave but he felt unable to. So many times he had the chance but never took the opportunity. He looked at his desk and on his bookcase were a framed photo of him as a child with his mother. He looked at the staged photo that he never seemed to see through until recently. He grabbed it and he threw it hard at the wall. The glass shattered against the wall before the frame busted into four pieces on the floor in the corner. He tossed his glasses to the side as tears clouded his vision. He felt anger at his mother, at the father who didn’t care to know him, and towards himself. 

“I’m a goddamn gryffindor. S-So, why can’t I find the courage to-” He threw his fist hard into the wall, the skin splitting over his knuckles. “God damnit!” 


	7. Chapter 7

“You think Dorian is alright?” Remus asked, worried as James moved his chess piece ahead. They had all been worried about him. James sighed. 

“I hope so. He doesn’t talk much about what goes on in his house. I’d think with her being muggle-born she wouldn’t be so much like-” 

“I know.” James clenched his jaw, sighing. “She’s always been uptight and just cold. Dorian once broke his wrist and she lectured him about how real men don’t cry.” James admitted. Lily shook her head. 

“Does she know...you know?” He shook his head. 

“She’s the last person he’d tell. Pretty sure she’s the reason he didn’t tell any of us.” Lily was worried too. 

“He sang her praises when we were in the library. I thought she’d be more like him.” Remus shook his head, his fists turning white. 

“She manipulates him.” He said, bitterly. They all turned towards him. “You all saw it how she was talking and then how obediently he followed after her.” Remus wanted to run after him right then but it was Sirius he stopped him. He wished he had gone after him. He cursed himself for being timid. 

“My mother did the same to Reg.” 

“Dorian, sweetheart.” She knocked on the locked door. “Sweetie?” Dorian’s jaw clenched at the sweet little voice she put on when she felt guilty. He turned up the volume on his record player that sat at the edge of his desk, a muggle record spinning around. It had been a week since the incident at the station and he was counting down the days until he could see them finally. His mother had locked up his wand, broom, and bicycle, trapping him inside the house. She was suffocating and he kept himself locked up in his room not that she respected that. At one time he had thought that she was normal. Strict but a normal single mother. That was until he saw first hand in his third year how him and Sirius' mothers acted strangely alike. It was not to the extent but, he began to realize that when he had cried or been upset by something she said to him it wasn’t just him overreacting. The way she had many angry out-burst that was directed solely at him and the way she tried to force him to be just like her; To be a perfect son. He made Dorian sick and it was in that way that he was grateful that her work always came first. It let him be away from her and for a time she always dumped him off to the Potters and now he wished that she would have just abandoned him there. 

“I’d be happier there.” He thought to himself many times as he responded to Remus’ many letters. He missed them terribly. They sent letters to him almost every day which had brought more complaints from his mother from the forced bondings at dinner. The more he got older the more he realized how impatient he was at leaving finally. 

“ _ Can’t they do anything without you? Those blasted owls keep me up at night.”  _ She had complained as he picked at his food at the other end of the table, his own act of rebellion against her when she gestured to the chair next to her. “ _ You know how I can get ill without a proper night’s sleep.”  _ As usually she tried to guilt trip him. He didn’t talk much about his home life with his friends and he instead gave people at school the idea that she was merely a successful woman that he was proud of. James knew the truth. That he did all he could to be out of the house as much as possible and that the woman never supported his own interest. It hurt whenever he’d look in the stands and on the occasion see the Potters cheering him and James on but the seat he had reserved for his mother remained empty. 

“Sweetheart?” The door creaked as she unlocked it and he quickly put the letters away with a sigh. 

“It’s locked for a reason, mother.” He hissed, his back still to her. She pursed her lips, sighing before she walked over to her. 

“Why are you being like this, Dorian?” She asked. He had half the mind of just letting it all flow past his lips. “You’re tearing our family apart-” 

“You’ve done that by yourself.” She shook her head as Dorian got out, finishing packing his things and turning off the music. 

“I’ve said I’m sorry, isn’t that enough?” She questioned. “Why can’t things be like they were before? When it was just us and you were so sweet to your mother.” His knuckles burned when he clenched his fist. He picked up his trunk. 

“Where’s my things?” He questioned, ignoring her previous question. 

“The shed.” She handed him the key. “Dorian, We need to talk-” He stormed off towards the shed in the back, unlocking it and quickly picked up his things. She didn’t go after him and she didn’t even wish him goodbye. Not that the young wizard expected that kind of sentiment from her. When he arrived at the Potter’s he was met with smiling faces and crushing hugs from everyone. He instantly felt a sort of warmth that came from being surrounded by his friends; surrounded by family. 

“Come on, Lils! Don’t be a chicken.” James coaxed as he sat just above the ground on his broom. 

“James, You know I don’t like flying-” 

“I won’t go too high.” He batted his eyes at her and somehow he had convinced her to join him on the broom. 

“Awful choice, Evans!” Dorian teased as he sat on the ground next to Remus and Peter as Sirius zoomed across the sky, hollering nonsense. 

“Oh shut it, Dorian!” James yelled before he made sure Lily was holding on tight. 

“Not too high.” She warned, holding onto him. 

“I know, I know.” He smirked, gripping the broom and they lifted a little higher. “But, You never said anything by how fast!” Lily let out a scream as James took off at a fast speed, chasing after Sirius. Dorian laughed, looking over to see Remus looking at his poorly wrapped hand. 

“Lily is going to be pissed.” Peter laughed, chewing on some kind of candy he had brought with him. Remus’ warm eyes looked back at Dorian's own and the taller boy sighed. “We’ll be back, Pete.” Remus said, standing up and Dorian went to protest when Remus gave a stern look towards him. “You don’t want it getting infected do you?” He asked and Dorian sighed before he followed him back to the house and upstairs to the little living room area upstairs which had been upturned into a pillow fort mess. Dorian flopped down on the couch as Remus took out a first aid kit from his book bag. 

“Always so prepared.” Remus scoffed a little. 

“Usually it’s me that needs the patching up.” 

“Funny isn’t?” Remus' smile faded as he looked up at him. 

“No.” He sighed as he took out some fresh bandages and his wand. “I don’t like seeing you being hurt.” He grabbed his hand and Dorian insticly moved it back. “May I?” He asked, softly. Dorian let out a strained breath he had been keeping in before he nodded. Remus carefully undid the poorly wrapped bandages and he clenched his jaw when he saw the deep cuts on his knuckles and the dark bruises that surrounded them. 

“What happened, Dorian?” He asked, something in him hurting. Dorian looked down. “Dorian, Look at me. Please.” He slowly looked over to the soft eyes that were full of worry and concern. 

“I snapped cause she just kept insulting me and you guys. She just went on about how you were a freak and I couldn’t take it.” An odd sense of relief washed over him as the words flooded out and Remus listened intently. “I am so sick of her. I am sick of how she talks about me and you guys. I am sick of her trying to control everything I do.” Remus hadn’t let go of his hand. 

“Why didn’t you write to me or any of the others? Why didn’t you ever talk to us?” He questioned. 

“I-I didn’t want to be a burden-” 

“You aren’t.” He didn’t hesitate. “You should have come to one of us. We care about you, Dorian. Me especially.” Dorian’s eyes widened. Did he hear that right? 

“Especially?” He questioned and Remus went into a mental panic. Had he really said that? “Remus?” Dorian questioned. 

“I-I care about you.” He quickly clarified. 

“So do the others-” 

“Not like I do.” He blurted out, looking so vulnerable. “I care so much more about you, Dorian. More than you know.” Dorian’s heart was pounding. 

“So do I.” Dorian’s voice was barely above a whisper. 

“No, You don’t-” 

“Don’t tell me what I feel.” Dorian warned, holding his hand like he always wanted to. Remus looked so confused. 

“What do you feel?” He asked. “The truth this time.” Dorian took a deep breath. 

“I like you. A lot.” Remus was the one in shock now. 

“F-For how long?” He questioned. 

“A while.” Dorian feared he’d sound pathetic if he gave him a precise year. 

“And you never thought to come talk to me?” He questioned. 

“I-I didn’t know what you’d say? Remus, you are one of my best friends and I couldn’t bear to lose you-” Remus cut him off by pressing his lips to Dorian’s, who barely hesitated before he eagerly kissed him back, their lips fitting against the others in a sweet ghost of a kiss. The two pulled away slowly, their hearts pounding. 

“You-”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded and Dorian smiled fully. He intertwined his fingers with Remus’ and Remus tried to fight the smile. “E-Even with me being-” “I adore all of you, Moony.” He looked down to make another excuse. “I’ve seen you on your worst nights and this feeling didn’t change. I’ve seen you at your best and it didn’t change. I adore every scar and I adore the madness within.” He brushed the stray hair away from his eyes. “I adore your brilantlice and I adore how much of an idiot you can be.” Remus laughed at that, his fingers tangling with Dorian’s. 

“I-I like your passion, your determination, and I love how adventurous you are.” Remus slowly began to gain some confidence back. “I love that look you get when you’re studying or planning something really brilliant. I love that smirk that means trouble and I love that brightness in your eyes that you get sometimes. Even as much as you can annoy me I love your persistence when you know something is wrong.” He listed off and Dorian looked awe struck. 

“Oh, Remus.” He breathed. Remus looked at him eagger. 

“If you’re sure t-then I promise I’ll treat you right. I’ll never hurt you. I promise you that.” Dorian had no doubts about it. 

“You couldn’t if you tried.” 


	8. Chapter 8

The holidays had always been Dorian’s favorite time of year. Even more so when Remus and him had shared that kiss, sealing their confession for each other. Dorian was practically beaming from then on. The others were more than happy to see not just one friend but, two so happy. 

“About time!” Lily had exclaimed. In the morning they ripped open presents each smiling and laughing eagerly as they made a mess that was a sea of wrapping paper. After some morning coco they bolted out into the snow quickly chasing after each other and getting into a snowball fight. James grabbed Lily from behind, spinning her while he landed a snowball in Sirius' face. Dorian laughed as him and Remus ganged up on Peter, hitting him at the same time. 

“Sorry Mate!” Dorian laughed before he got tackled by James, causing him to hit the ground harshly as laughter filled his ears. 

Dorian hit the ground, his back cracking by the force of it. Screams and shouts filled his ears even as muffled as it was it was still gut wrenching. Blood ran down his right temple from a burning gash before he quickly rolled over as a blinding light headed for him. It caused the dirt to explode and pieces of the earth to hit him hard. He looked through his cracked glasses at the torn up land and the smell of blood making him want to hurl as he got to his feet. 

“Sirius, watch it!” James shouted. It was no longer a friendly snowball fight and how he wished to return to that. How he wished they were back at Potter Manor. Dorian jumped as more explosions went off, black smoke twisted in the air. Dorian’s breathing was hard as he gripped his wand, spitting the blood he tasted on the torn up earth. 

“Lily, get out of here! Go! We’ll handle it!” James shouted, his eyes looking towards the red-head whose lip was spilt. 

“I’m not leaving you here to die!” She yelled back and James turned towards her, a nasty gash cutting over his right cheek bone.

“Stop being so dramatic, Lily! I’ll be fine!” He argued. “Just run, Lily. Get out of here. It’s not safe for-” She quickly cast a shielding charm, stepping in front of him as he raised his wand, casting a defensive spell.    
“I can handle myself, James.” She stood up tall both of them back to back. 

“Besides when did you ever care about being safe?” He scoffed, ready for another fight. 

“I guess you’re rubbing off on me.” Dorian made a break for it as James shot a spell at one of the death eaters that flew overhead. Dorian gave behind some debris as the battle waged on. His chest heaved and he felt his hands trembling slightly. 

“Dorian!” Sirius came running towards him, his jacket ripped and it looked burned as blood dried under his nose from where it had been broken. He quickly stopped away from him. 

“Stuphey!” He yelled, whipping his wand in a circular movement. “Come on! I’ve got you covered, mate!” Dorian took a deep breath, his heart pounding in his ears before he sprinted across, his sides hurting as he quickly made it behind the makeshift cover. “You alright?” Sirius asked. Dorian nodded, tightening his grip on the wand so his hand didn’t shake. 

“Just a little rattled.” Sirius scoffed. 

“Aren’t we all?” Dorian laughed a little. “Where’s Moony?” He asked. 

“He’s not with you? He said he was going to meet with you guys since we were getting flooded back there.” Dorian had been worried about him the whole night. 

“I haven’t seen him. Maybe he’s with James or Pete.” Dorian had a sick feeling. The fear they all had. “Look, we should try to meet back up with the others. We’re getting overwhelmed right here so we should cut-” 

“GET BACK THE LOT OF YOU! GET AWAY!” Marlene shouted, almost in a scream a ways away. 

“Go! I can manage!” Sirius quickly took off, calling out to the blonde who he had grown so fond over. Dorian’s head snapped up to the black smoke that was causing chaos down below. Several branching off and he quickly started running, throwing spells behind him as he sprinted down the hill towards the others. Dorian’s legs were pulled underneath him as chains wrapped around him and he tumbled down the hill, his wand out of his reach as he tried to get out of the bindings. 

“No one’s here to help you, half-blood!” The death eater was barely old enough to be there at all. An old schoolmate and a nasty one at that. One of the ones Snape hung around the most and he grinned as he held his wand towards him. Dorian stared at him wildly as the boy got ready to take his first kill. Dorian quickly grabbed his wand and he shot a spell at him. The two threw spells desperately at the other. They forget that they knew each other and that the other was still in school. Those things had been blurred long ago. Dorian was knocked back, his ribs burning as he sat up, chains feeling tighter around his legs as he unleashed a series of spells fueled by his anger and at this point he wasn’t thinking of any spell in particular. He threw his wand out, a hot spell twisting in the air before the boy let out a loud scream, the spell throwing him back. The chains fell off of Dorian and he went to snatch his wand away and it dawned on him as he looked at the blood that pooled from burns and deep wounds on his body that his eyes were lifeless and unmoving. Something twisted inside of him as he looked at the harm he had done. HIs hands trembled under this realization as he dropped the wand. He turned to see all of the fighting focused ahead and clenched his fist. There was no time for that right now. He focused all of his energy on just running as fast as he could. Not in a retreat but, towards the battle. 

A hard earned battle that had come out of nowhere and now the wreckage was left for them to deal with. Dorian looked around frantically. 

“Oh god!” A poor soul cried as they looked down on a dead loved one. Another casualty to add to the list. Dorian couldn’t help but think:

_ “Thank god it’s not Remus.”  _ He then whipped around at his name being called. Remus was limping towards him and was bruised up but he was alive. Dorian quickly hurried to embrace him as Sirius came over the hill, an arm around Marlene with a few more cuts on him and supporting a few broken ribs. Marlene’s eyebrow was split open but she was still breathing. That’s all that mattered. Dorian and Remus held onto each tightly no longer giving a damn who saw them together. Those fears still existed but, the fear of death long since overtook it. 

“James!” The red-head departed from Mary as she sprinted towards James. 

“Prongs?” James stumbled around as he forced his legs to move faster and it was only when he felt Lily’s arms go around him that he collapsed against her from exhaustion. 

“You’re alright, Lils?” He asked, his tired eyes betraying him. She nodded with a relieved smile. 

“You sure?” She couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I’m sure, idiot.” 

It had only been a year since they had graduated but war can change you quickly. That year was almost up and things had gotten progressively worse. The days of pranks and care-free summers were over. They looked over their shoulders constantly wondering if they were standing next to a death eater or perhaps they’d be a target for another attack. Dorian found peace that he didn’t have to question his friends. The order was fighting within itself more and many that had joined up had left due to fear they’d be killed next or worse their families. It was all dawning on them now. Each day they’d come back looking worse than before and Dorian lost track of all of the times he had collapsed in a chair or on the couch, unable to make it to the bed. Dorian spent most nights laying awake, unable to sleep due to the horrors he had seen and the things he had done. He found solace in the fact that he laid tangled with Remus, his arm wrapped protectively around him. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked, his voice groggy. 

“Just thinking…” Dorian sighed, his fingers intertwined with Remus’ before he turned around to face him in the darkness of their apartment. 

“About?” Remus enjoyed their late night talks in bed. It distanced their own worries and the war from them. It was like they found a sliver of time where they could hide away from it all. 

“Our first kiss.” Dorian smiled at the memory and Remus laughed. 

“Seems a lifetime ago...Before the war and everything.” Dorian sighed. “We were so awkward.” The two both laughed. 

“I like to think we improved.” Now, It had become so natural for the two just to kiss and Dorian laughed how it used to be so awkward but, it meant the same as it always did. He didn’t know what he would without him. They pulled each other closer, their limbs tangled with each other. Dorian brushed the ends of his fingers against the new scars that Remus came home with. Scars he conjured on missions he couldn’t talk about. Missions that brought nightmares he refused to talk about but, it didn’t go unnoticed that he would cry Dorian’s name and his silent sobs that he buried in his pillow didn’t go unheard but, he refused to let Dorian hold him but, holding Dorian close to him seemed to keep the nightmares at bay. That much he’d tell him. 

“Remus.” Dorian sighed, eyes seeing the deep scars that ran down under his jaw and his neck. 

“Don’t.” Dorian went to open his mouth when there was a loud screech at the window. Dorian sighed, grabbing his glasses and wand before he turned on a light and let the owl in. 

“Who the hell sends an owl at 3 in the morning?” Remus groans, sitting up as Dorian took the letter. 

“Emergency Order Meeting.” Dorian reads off. 

“What? Read the whole thing, Dorian.” Remus struggled to adjust to the light. 

“I did.” He handed the letter to Remus, who frowned as he checked it for forgority or tampering. 

“Get dressed. Something must’ve happened.” The two quickly got dressed and found themselves outside the meeting place. They never had the meeting at the same place right after each other. This time it was the Prewitt home. 

They entered the house quickly and crying could be heard upstairs as some hurried upstairs and others quickly moved towards the back room. Dorian and Remus followed to the back room, confused by the array of emotions. “James, What’s going on?” The whole room looked somber. He took a deep breath, looking more enraged than anything, He guestered for Dorian to follow him and he went to the back door and outside. He looked down, taking a deep breath. 

“It’s the twins..” He pushed his untidy hair back in frustration. “They went out on a mission with Sirius, Just the three of them.” Dorian let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. 

“And Sirius?” He questioned as James took out a crumbled pack of cigarettes from inside his jacket. 

“St. Mungos. He got away with a broken arm and some burns. He’ll be fine.” Dorian figured James would be more of a wreck if it wasn’t so. 

“Lily knows you’re smoking?” He inquired. James’ scoffed. 

“She’d have my head but it helps with the stress. It’s a bad habitat I know but-” Dorian took out his own pack. 

“I get it.” James shook his head. Dorian looked back inside. 

“Speaking of.. Where’s Lily?” He asked. 

“She’s been sick today. You wouldn’t believe the amount of convincing I had to do to get her to stay in bed today.” Dorian got worried. 

“Sick? Is she okay?” He questioned. They hadn’t been able to see much of each other since the war really took off. With them being on different schedules when it came to missions. It had been a while since he’d seen Lily, Sirius, or Mary. He was usually paired up with James and sometimes he’d go one a few missions with Fabian but those days were over. It's hard to comprehend that they were gone. That any of those they lost was gone. He counted his blessings that at least James was safe enough but, he supposed that was pure luck on their end. 

“Probably just some stomach bug or something she ate.” James took a quick drag from his cigarette, quickly blowing it out. He didn’t much care for the taste. “I did cook for her last night.” The two laughed. 

“Well that explains it.” James scoffed, not his roaring laugh that Dorian missed. None had the heart anymore to laugh like that these days. Their hearts had all since been ripped out by now. 

“She’s going to go to St. Mungos tomorrow anyhow.” Dorian nodded, thinking it was nothing more than James’ awful cooking. The two sat there in silence both indulging in the bad habitat of smoking. Dorian looked back through the window seeing two small red-headed boys sitting on a couch in the other room with a smaller and younger boy sitting between them. 

“Those Molly and Arthur’s boys?” He asked. 

“Well, They aren’t mine.” Dorian gave him a look. “James, really?” 

“You’re the one asking stupid questions.” Dorian sighed, tossing his cigarette down and squishing it under his boot. 

“I’m heading in. You coming?” James shook his head. 

“I need the air out here but, come get me when the meeting starts.” Dorian nodded before heading inside. Remus was in the middle of a lengthy conversation with Mad-Eye as everyone waited for the meeting to start. Dorian quickly exited the room and went into the kitchen. 

“What do kids like?” He muttered under his breath before he quickly conjured up two mugs of hot chocolate and some pumpkin juice for the smaller one. He went into the smaller room where the boys waited. 

“Weasleys I’m guessing?” He said as he pulled the table closer and sat down the mugs. The eldest boy looked about eight, nodded. “I’m Dorian. Dorian Spinster.” He gave them a warm smile. 

“I’m Bill.” The eldest introduced. 

“I’m Charlie.” He looked about six or seven. “And this annoying thing is Percy.” Charlie added, causing Dorian to laugh a little. 

“Hope you two like hot chocolate. I know I always loved drinking it when I was a kid. I brought Percy some pumpkin juice if that’s alright.” The boys eagerly thanked him and it seemed to cheer them up. They got a little more chatty as the time went by and Dorian was more than happy to keep their minds off of the current situation that neither of them really understood. 

“Boys, Time to go. Your father is here to take-” Molly seemed to hide her tears well enough for her children but, she couldn’t hide the red and puffiness. “Oh, Dorian. Isn’t it?” She asked. 

“Pleasure to meet you finally, Molly.” The two shook hands. 

“Dorian made us hot chocolate!” Charlie grinned. 

“And did you thank him?” She asked. 

“They did. They were very well behaved. I hope you don’t mind.” Dorian suddenly felt nervous he offended her. 

“Of course not. In fact, I’m glad that you did. I feel awful about bringing them here anyways.” She sighed and got the boys’ coats on them. 

“Thank you, Dorian, Really. You don’t know what it means to me.” Dorian nodded. 

“Take care, Molly. As I take it you and Arthur have your hands full these days.” A small laugh came out as she nodded. 

“You do the same, Dorian. It’s your lot that is doing all the hard work.” He nodded before he headed to see if the meeting was soon to start. He couldn’t help but, think: Are we really working hard enough? 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read notes for Warnings. 
> 
> After a year and a half with no contact with his mother. Dorian gets a visit from her where she confronts him on rumors circluating him and Remus Lupin in the minstry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some Homophobia from the time. If you aren't comfortable reading this (100 percent understandable) I made sure to make this chapter not include anything that may need to read to follow along with the rest of the story. Again thank you for all of the support!

The rain bashed against the roofs harshly as thunder rumbled in the distance and lighting illuminated the dark sky. Dorian sighed, his muscles tense and burned as he slowly took off his jacket, hanging it up with the others as he flipped on a light to the empty apartment that was beginning to lose its shine. Remus had gone off on another mission for Dumbledore, obeying the requests to stay silent about it. Dorian often didn’t know where his lover was off to or when he’d return from these missions. He almost always came back with new scars and bruises that he couldn’t do himself. He sighed, reading the letter he left, treasuring the almost illegible handwriting. He wiped the lenses of his glasses before reading the length letter that didn’t say much at all. Dorian sighed, folding the letter up as there was a knock at the door. He sighed as they persisted. “Sirius, This is not funny at this hour!” He unlocked the two locks, sliding the chain and unhooking it before cautiously opening the door half expecting it to be Siruis thinking he was being humorous or hoping it was James, bringing good news for a change. His eyes widened and he frowned. “Mother?” He questioned and the lines in her face tightened as a cracked smile grew. 

“Dorian..” She twisted her fingers around the strap of her small purse. “I was hoping you would be home. I-I’ve heard you’ve been working late.” The air grew tense. 

“What do you want, Mother?” It came out harsher than it was intended. He hadn’t seen her in over a year. At first she sent howlers that he’d throw in a fire and then it was letters pleading for him to come back home but, he was seventeen with no obligation to her. 

“I’ve missed you, Dorian. You never came back to me-” 

“I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see you. I thought that was clear in the letter I sent.” Her lips fell into a thin line. 

“I’ve been so worried. People talk, Dorian..” He sighed, opening the door slowly. 

“Do you want to come in?” He asked, the air felt stiff as she walked in, her nose wrinkling up and her face cringing at the small apartment. 

“You live here with that  _ friend  _ of yours?” She questioned, trying to distance herself from his lifestyle as best as she could as she sank into her green coat. Dorian sighed, crossing his arms over his brown sweater that was a little too big for her liking. “Are you eating well? You look thin and I can’t imagine you’re making much money writing for quidditch columns.” He looked down, scoffing. 

“You haven’t changed one bit, Mother. Did you come here to criticize how I live my life?” He questioned, crossing to the kitchen to boil up some water. “I’m sorry if I’m your disappointment.” He sighed, swallowing the emotions inside of him. 

“Don’t, Dorian. You are my son-” 

“Don’t lie to me. We both know you are disappointed.” Dorian’s chest felt like it was crushing. 

“I am concerned, Dorian. You live in  _ this  _ side of town. I don’t understand what is so tempting to live from paycheck to paycheck-” 

“Why are you here, mother?!” She wasn’t used to him raising his voice. She looked like the words in her throat was physical hurting her and the cane thumped loudly against the wood floors as she stepped closer. 

“I am afraid for you. These rumors...I came here to hear the truth..” She sighed, shaking her head. Dorian stopped, looking towards her his heart sank. 

“What rumors?” He questioned, his voice losing its volume with each word. Bernadette took a deep breath in, stepping forwards as she searched his face for something she wasn’t sure. 

“A-Are you more than just friends with this flatmate of yours?” Dorian words got caught in his throat. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He never wanted to talk to her about this. She looked desperate for an answer he couldn’t give her. “I-I mean are you in a..a..” Dorian frowned. 

“A what?” Dorian’s heart was pounding. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“A relationship.” He clenched his jaw. 

“Mother-” 

“Well, Are you?” She questioned, staring at him and her eyes widened. “Oh my god..” Dorian took a deep breath. 

“I am.” He admitted. “And I’m tired of this fear of you knowing.” She gasped, covering her mouth and turning away from him. 

“I-Is that why you left?” She questioned. 

“No.” He crossed his arms once more. She seemed to be struggling to comprehend it all. 

“I-I’ve been angry and disappointed before, Dorian.” She began, turning to look at him. “But, I have never been so ashamed of you.” That hurt him but, he was tired of being the perfect son. He clenched his jaw. 

“I don’t care. I spent years trying to live up to the life you wanted me to live but, I was tired of being unhappy with myself. I was tired of not being me. I don’t care of you’re ashamed that your son is queer-” 

“Dorian, You just need help-” 

“No.” He pulled his arm away from her grasp. “I will never change myself to please you. I don’t need help, I don’t need to be fixed, and I don’t need your permission. I am happy despite the absolute hell this world is going to. I am finally content with the people in my life and you cannot convince me otherwise.” He felt fire in his veins as he finally stood up to her. 

“I will not watch you destroy yourself and your name by defying tradition with this monster-” His blood boiled. 

“He is not a monster! He is so much more than what they labeled him as! HIs condition does not define him, Mother! He makes me happy and I make him happy. If you can’t live with that then walk away.” He spat. 

“Do not raise-” 

“This is my home, not yours!” He stormed over to the door unlocking it and swinging it open. “My life has been better without you anyways.” She glared at him. 

“I knew you were tainted, Dorian. I knew those friends of yours were no good.” She hissed, shaking her head. “I could handle you being friends with them. I could handle the quidditch playing, the fighting, and all else you put me through but, this is where I draw the line.” Dorian sighed. 

“It’s your loss.” She shook her head quickly walking out the door before Dorian slammed it shut, locking it quickly. He let out a shaky breath as he slid down to the floor, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The effects of war are weighing on Dorian and it is increasignly harder with hearing nothing from Remus who left four months ago right after James and Lily's wedding to do some more work for Dumbeldore, which doesn't pay a cent. It dosen't help that some people in the order are starting to question these missions of Remus'.

The days dragged on as people pretended there wasn’t a war. That the attacks were just a few and wouldn’t destroy their very foundations. Dorian tried to do the same as the clicking of keys upon the typewriter in front of him clicked away as he tried to seem normal. He couldn’t help but follow the occasional ministry officials with his eyes as they passed whispering in a hushed way that concerned him. The ministry was becoming unsafe by the minute with more riots and the minister of magic announcing their stepping down. An act of cowardice and it just damned them for the worse. Dorian couldn’t help but feel paranoid as he left, feeling eyes on him as he walked home and becoming fearful of shadows that passed around corners. He always had his wand at the ready when he walked down the lonely road as he did now. A long day of work was done and he thought about leaving his job. Was he truly safe anymore? He fought on the battlefields with James and Sirius. He had killed and he had seen people be cut down by people they had gone to school with. 

_ The warm colors distracted them all from what was outside and so many of their friends were there laughing and smiling. Dorian couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled.  _

He fumbled with the keys before he opened up the door, sighing as he tossed his bag down and stepped over the mail. He tore off the wool jacket before turning on the lights and he checked the apartment. Next, he hurriedly shifted through the mail. 

“Bills, Bills, Bills, and more bills.” He chose to ignore the late notice on most of them. “Still no word from Remus..” He sighed, tossing the mail onto the table and tried to scanage something up to eat; The fridge was about empty and they didn’t exactly have the money to go shopping every week. He grabbed a stale sandwich he had saved from a few nights ago and made a cup of tea. The apartment was cold from the shower pouring outside and Dorian was thankfully for the warmth of not only his sweater but the tea as he began trying to divide up money to pay for the bills on top of the late fees that came with it. 

“ _ Looks like your next, padfoot.” Sirius roared with laughter.  _

Dorian couldn’t remember the last time any of them laughed.

_ “We’ll see..” They grinned like idiots as they saw him looking over to Marlene.  _

Dorian hadn’t seen Sirius in some time nor had he seen James since the wedding. They had been put on different missions as of late and after a fight that broke out between Dorian and Frank..

_ “How did they know we were in the area? We were careful..” They lost three more and Dorian still couldn’t get used to that: Seeing that bright green light tear through people you’ve come to trust, feeling the heat off of the curse. Sirius was outraged. They all were. The members had been fighting more and more as paranoia set in that there may be a spy. “Why don’t we ask Dorian?” Frank asked, standing up. “He’s the one closest to Remus. A member that is supposedly doing Dumbeldore’s work.”  _

It made Dorian sick now to think that he would even suggest that it was Remus. He knew Remus, they all did. He wouldn’t dare betray them. He would never even think to join those monsters. Dorian sipped at this tea before there was a knock on the door. HIs heart leaped as he quickly got his wand out. “Please be Remus.” He muttered as he cautiously opened the door. 

“James?” He questioned.

“Can I come in, Dorian?” James asked. 

“Yeah.” He opened the door, letting him inside before locking it securely. 

“Merlin, Dorian. Don’t you use your heat?” James asked as he had a thin shirt on underneath his jacket. Dorian cleared off the table quickly. “Er..It got turned off.” The two others looked at each other before him. “Remus not back yet?

“Not yet..” Dorian tried to ignore the pain that statement brought. 

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” James tried to reassure him and Dorian nodded. 

“Listen, mate. If you need to borrow anything to cover-” 

“I don’t.” Dorian sighed. “I appreciate the offer, James.” He removed his glasses to clean them off. “But, I don’t want hand-outs.” He sighed. “What did you want?” He asked and cursed himself for it sounding harsher than he meant for it to. 

“First I wanted to check up on you since we haven’t seen you in a while.” He began awkwardly.

“As well as one can be.” Dorian sighed, crossing his arms. 

“I want to scout around Malfoy Manor.” James blurted out. Dorian’s eyes widened. 

“What?” He questioned. “James, It’ll be crawling with Death Eaters. You do realize that, don’t you?” He scoffed. 

“I’m not an idiot...None of the others will go through it.” Dorian shook his head. 

“For good reason. I’m surprised Lily hasn’t already talked you out of it.” James sighed, biting his lip and Dorian groaned. 

“Oh, god. James.” He nodded, knowingly. “Why don’t you tell Lily?” He questioned. 

“She uh-” He looked up at Dorian. “I really didn’t want to tell you like this.” He muttered. 

“Tell me what?” Dorian asked, lifting up his mug. 

“She’s pregnant.” Dorian’s mug hit the floor, shattering. 

“Hey! It’s not that surprising!” Dorian shook his head. 

“James, You need to focus on her. If you do this mission-” 

“I’m not giving up, Dorian.” He glared at him. “If you won’t help me I’ll do it myself!” Dorian grabbed his arm pulling him back. 

“Listen to me! You can’t be reckless right now!” James shoved him off. 

“And why the hell not?” He questioned. “I’m trying to win this war.” 

“And you won’t do that alone! You aren’t that powerful, James.” Dorian sighed, a look of pain in his eyes. “James, I grew up without a father. I know what that’s like.” Pain entered James’ eyes. 

“Dorian, I won’t let that happen-” 

“You can’t control that, Prongs. You are going to get yourself killed if you go alone.” James sighed, nodding before he started walking away. “That’s why I’ll go with you.” He stopped, turning around. 

“Really?” 

As long as we just scout.” James nodded, eagerly. 

“Dorian, We could get an advantage on them.” Dorian nodded, a small smile. 

“And then maybe Remus could come home finally.” 


	11. Chapter 11

The gray clouds moved across the grey sky slowly just as slow over Malfoy Manor and the woods that surrounded it. It was colder than he would have liked and the smell of rain was in the air. Dorian sighed, his breath showing as a fog as he rubbed his hands together wishing he would have brought some better gloves than the fingerless ones he wore currently. It took him about two hours to walk to the edge of the tree-line right on the outskirts of Malfoy Manor. He dropped his canvas bag on the ground and sighed. “Howls.” He quickly turned, his wand ready just in case. James carefully crouched over to where he was. 

“You see anything interesting?” He asked 

“A few death eaters coming in and out. I don’t think you can use magic to get out past the gate. At least not quickly.” Dorian sighed as James got out a bag of crisps. “Are you kidding me?” Dorian snatched the bag from him. 

“Hey! It’s not my fault you didn’t pack anything to eat.” James grabbed them back, stuffing his mouth. Dorian rolled his eyes. “So, What makes you think that they can’t use magic?” He questioned. 

“I didn’t say it like that, Prongs.” He sighed, bringing out the binoculars. “It looks like there is only one way out of there.” He sighed. 

“No flu network?” James asked, stuffing the bag back into his pack. 

“These rich types probably have dozens of fireplaces, so I’d say yes. Not that it’ll help much. We don’t know a damn thing about this place other than what we can see.” James sighed, looking around. 

“Let’s move. I don’t like being this close.” The two quickly retreated back into the thick brush, trying to stay quiet as they walked down. “I reckon after we get some real good intel we’ll be rewarded like the legends we are.” James half joked. Dorian laughed a little. 

“If they don’t kick us out first.” Dorian retorted. “Did you tell anyone we were out here?” 

“Not really. Sirius knows I mean I asked him to come but, he thought we were mad. Why?” He questioned. 

“Just the rumors of a spy. I just didn’t want too many people knowing where we were in a high risk position.” Dorian sighed. James stopped before turning around. 

“I don’t believe it.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t believe that it's Moony. We know him better than anybody; You especially. If there is a spy it won’t be any of us. I mean we’re the marauders afterall.” Dorian smiled a little. 

“I just hope Remus comes back soon.” James put a hand on his shoulder. 

“You just keep up hope. If something had happened or was wrong I’m sure Dumbledore would have said something.” James tried to reassure him but, deep down he was worried sick about Remus. 

“Would he? James, I agree with what we’re doing but-” 

“But?” 

“What if the old man isn’t telling us everything? James, We barely get any information at all-” 

“You can’t lose hope, Dorian. If the others heard you-” 

“Why do you think I don’t talk too much in front of them?” Dorian sighed. 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m just saying that there are few people we can trust these days-” 

“And Dumbledore is one that you can trust. Why are you suddenly so indecisive?” He questioned. 

“I’m not. I just don’t want to blindly follow someone who-” 

“Dorian, Stop. We have to trust him!” 

“Says who?” It quickly turned into an argument. “James, You used to be able to think for yourself!” James shoved him back. 

“You need to get your priorities straightened out!” Dorian glared at him. 

“And you need to start thinking like-” A bright light cut through the air and Dorian was thrown to the ground, his back crashing against the leaves as he slid across them. 

“Dorian!” James started throwing off spells as Dorian quickly got up, helping him. “Let’s go!” There were too many of them and they quickly took off running. 

“James, hurry! We’ve got to go!” Dorian yelled as they quickly ducked. 

“I know, I know!” James tossed a few spells as they ran. James ran ahead of him as they tried to get away from them. Chains wrapped around Dorian’s legs and he hit the ground harshly. James kept running, his heart pounding against his chest harshly. 

“James!” He shouted as he tried to get to his wand but the chains only tightened and wrapped around his body. “Get off!” He shouted, trying to fight them. James stopped on the hill as he looked to the spot just ahead. He looked between his way out and Dorian, his eyes wide. They were getting closer. “James!” He shouted, fear evident in his eyes. James quickly darted towards him, muttered counter curses as he tried to tear off the chains. 

“I’ve got you.” James hurriedly pulled him up. James was thrown back as a spell hit him in the chest. Dorian quickly picked up his wand and started blocking spells. 

“James, get up!” He shouted. “James!” He turned and his eyes widened. “Prongs?” Blood ran down his head and Dorian saw the rock he must have hit as he was thrown back. Dorian stood in front of him and tried to block them as well as send the spells back. Dorian was trapped behind his own shield, trying to hold it up but the pale blue light that it gave off was cracking. 

“CRUCIO!” 


	12. Chapter 12

“We’ve got two order members, Lucuis!” The two fought and struggled against them. James’ head pounded as he tried to tear his arm from their grasp but, his head was pounding and it felt like his heart was in his head. 

“Let us go-” They hit him harshly in the stomach before they shoved them down to their knees and chains wrapped around their arms, snaking around their bodies. Dorian looked over to James, the blood on his temple dried. “Prongs..” He looked towards him, the gravity of the situation hitting him hard. James met his worried gaze through cracked scratched lenses with a look of guilt on his face. He opened his mouth to say something of reassurance but, what would have made them feel any better? What could he have said that would have made either one feel better in a room surrounded by death eaters as prisoners. 

“Just as he said.” Lucius was an obnoxious man with great pride that proved to be extremely annoying. He walked slowly, taking his time before he stepped towards the fireplace and faced them swiftly with a turn on his heel. “Well, Well. If it isn’t the famed Potter and Spinster…” His eyes went to James. “Dumbeldore’s loyal dogs.” He spat, folding his hands over the cane.

“Get off your high horse, Lucius.” Dorian hissed. “You act so high and mighty but, you’re just a slave.” Lucuis’ smirk faded as his eyes narrowed and darkened. Heels clicked behind them against the hard floor and it echoed more against the cold walls of the house that seemed to lack any warmth;That physically and that emotionally. 

“What would a filthy half-blood know about honorable service?” The voice was chilling and seemed to have an edge. “What say you, cissy?” Bellatrix and Narcissa joined Lucuis. All acting like they were some kind of royalty and Dorian guessed that they thought they were. Narcissa looked unsure and her eyes widened when she laid eyes on James. 

“What’s happened to this one?” She guestered to James. 

“Pardon?” Lucuis questioned. 

“His head, Lucuis.” Bellatrix hurried down to him, gripping his hair and James hissed at the harshness. “What happened to him?” The young witch questioned. 

“He must have hit his head.” Lucuis rolled his eyes before he nodded. 

“He looks fine to me.” Narcissa stepped back as Lucuis stepped forwards. “Now, Potter.” He hissed. “What does Dumbeldore know about our operations?” He questioned. James glared back at him. 

“Who?” Lucuis swung his cane, hitting him harshly with the cane. James closed his eyes, trying to swallow the pain and not give them the satisfaction. 

“Where is the order meeting?” He questioned next. James scoffed at this. 

“You really think I’d tell you that?” Lucuis clenched his jaw before he swung the can again. Dorian closed his eyes, flinching everytime the cane was brought down. James was knocked onto the ground. 

“What do they know?!” Lucuis’ patience was very thin. 

“He doesn't know anything!” Dorian shouted, not having the stomach to bear having his best friend beat right next to him. James coughed hoarsely. 

“Dorian, don’t worry about me.” He sighed. 

“Oh.” Bellatrix’s eyes lit up with something that neither James nor Dorian liked. “Dorian Spinster, is it?” Lucuis looked towards her. 

“Another loyal gryffindor no doubt.” Lucuis spit. 

“A disgusting half-blood too.” Bellatrix got out a knife that was as black as coal. James’ eyes widened. “I’ve heard rumors about this one..” Her eyes pierced into his eyes. 

“A queer.” Some of the others death eaters made sounds of disgust and Dorian felt like the knife was already in him. “Only when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.” Lucuis looked towards her. 

“It gets worse?” He questioned. 

“Haven’t you heard, Lucuis? Dorian Spinster is  _ involved  _ with a werewolf.” They made more signs of disgusts. She was twisting the knife. 

“It’d be a pleasure to rid ourselves of this one.” Another stepped forwards. 

“If he doesn’t know anything then we’ll kill him.” Dorian glared at her. 

“If anyone is disgusting it’s you lot.” He hissed. She cried out in anger, cutting his cheek harshly and he hissed in pain. 

“You know nothing half-blood!” She shouted in his face. 

“Leave him alone!” James shouted and Dorian looked towards him. 

“James-” Lucuis swung his cane and Dorian hit the ground. His chest was still sore from the one curse and Lucuis seemed to be aiming for that. Dorian cursed himself for allowing himself to cry out in pain. 

“Stop it!” James was clearly bothered by seeing one of his friends in pain. 

“Lucius.” Bellatrix hissed and he stopped mid swing and Dorian looked towards James. 

“James-” 

“I’ll get us out of this.” James quickly said, not caring that they laughed at him. “I promise.” Dorian looked towards him with complete faith and trust as he always did; As best friends always did. Lucuis swung his cane, catching him by the jaw. James hit the ground harshly, trying to move but the chains only got tighter. 

“He doesn’t know anything!” Bellatrix kicked him harshly, digging her heel into his ribs. 

“Of course he does. Dorian Spinster is an order member afterall-” 

“I dragged him into this! This was my idea!” They laughed at him before she looked down at him. 

“A true gryffindor, isn’t he? It sickens me.” She jabbed her twisted wand to his throat. “Though it seems you do have a weakness.” She grinned. “Take this one to the dungeons!” Two death eaters grabbed onto James. 

“Wait no-” 

“Shut up, James!” Dorian yelled at him. 

“We’ll see just how strong the half-blood is.” They laughed darkly at this. 

“Don’t you touch him!” James shouted, eyes wide with panic as he tried to fight. 

“I’ll be fine, James!” Dorian shouted as they dragged him away, tossing him inside. 

“Dorian!” He ran towards the gate but it was locked and with no wand on him. “DORIAN!” He shouted, gripping the bars and trying to force it open but, it was nowhere strong enough for that. James didn’t know how long it had been and he began pacing, ignoring the pain in his head. 

“Stay back.” The voice was icy but it wasn’t harsh either. Narcissa stood there proud as ever but her eyes told another story. He saw pain and fear in them even as she tried to mask them. He stayed put already knowing how it would end with him running at her. 

“What have they done to Dorian?” He questioned. She lowered her wand slightly but still had it ready and aimed at him. She quickly checked to be sure no one was around. 

“You were a fool to come here.” She said in a whisper. James didn’t say anything and for once he didn’t have a retort or shid comment. “You have no idea what lengths they will go to get information out of you and your friend.” James scoffed. 

“You act like you aren’t one of them.” She raised the sleeve up revealing blank skin. 

“I don’t have a choice, Potter.” She hissed. “I am afraid…” She took a shaky breath. “I am not like you. I am not like my cousin. I am not like my sister.” James watched her carefully. 

“No but, you’re a malfoy alright. You may not agree with their methods but, you agree with their traditions. I heard you at school using that disgusting word. Nobody has the right to call anyone that name. You are just like them and Bellatrix-” 

“I don’t want this!” It was the first time James had ever heard her raise her voice at anyone. “You think I wanted to cast my sister out? I loved Andromeda but, I saw what happened to people who went against tradition.” She took a shaky deep breath. “I saw what they did to Sirius. It was cruel and unfair. They had no right but I had no choice.” She took another deep breath to put back up her mask. 

“You have a choice now.” James mentioned. “People depend on me and Dorian.” 

“I can’t do much, Potter. I don’t have the power my husband and sister have but, I came here to help with that.” She guestered to his head. “I’m particularly gifted in healing.” James stepped back. 

“How do I know you won’t go digging around up here?” He questioned. She sighed. 

“Why would I risk telling you what I told you if I came here to torture you?” She retorted. He sighed. 

“If you help us I can provide you with protection. If you just explained-” 

“I can’t.” She flicked her wand and he hissed as the wound started to close up. 

“Why not, Narcissa?” He questioned. “I’m sure if he just-” 

“I’m pregnant.” She quickly pushed back the tears before she lowered her wand. James hurried towards her. “Stay back.” She quickly backed away, turning away in an attempt to shield her unborn child. Screams of pain and laughter echoed upstairs. They both looked up. 

“Narcissa-” 

“I’m sorry but, I can’t do anymore right now.” He walked after her and she closed the gate. 

“What are they going to do to him?” He questioned. 

“You won’t like my answer.” She quickly hurried up the stairs, the stoic mask returning to her face. 

“NARCISSA!” James shouted, shaking the bars once more. “NARCISSA!” She returned to the others. 

“Well?” Lucuis questioned. 

“He’s stubborn but-” She stopped in her tracks, her eyes landing onto Dorian who laid on the floor in obvious pain as his sleeve was ripped and his arm was bleeding from the words engraved into his forearm. “Half-blood.” His face was bruised and his nose was bleeding. She could only imagine what he went through. 

“But what?” Lucuis questioned. 

“Given time he will break.” She quickly tore her eyes away from the scene and walked towards her husband, who spared no sympathy. 

James didn’t know how long it had been since Narcissa left but, he stopped his pacing once he heard heavy footsteps. The door opened. 

“Get back! Get back!” One of them shouted before they tossed Dorian in and James quickly caught him, seeing the blood dripping from his arm. They slammed the bars closed and left, leaving very little light. 

“Dorian, What did they-” 

“Get off!” Dorian shouted, his legs wobbled as he caught himself on the wall and nursed his arm. 

“Dorian, I can help-” 

“I’m not helpless, James! I can handle myself.” He slid down to the ground, gritting his teeth. 

“I never said you were. You haven’t gone mad, so that tells me you were strong..” James slowly walked towards him. 

“I know what people think. They assume that because I’m-” He sighed. “What I am that I must be weak but, I’m not. I don’t need your help and I don’t need you causing a fuss.” James sighed. 

“I don’t think that, Sirius dosen’t think that, and none of us that know you think that.” He sat beside him. “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. I’m sorry, Dorian.” The two exchanged a look. 

“Drop the ego, Prongs. I don’t blame you for this. It’s these sick fucks that did this.” He sighed and his arm was shaking. 

“Let me see.” Dorian held his arm closer. “Dorian, I can do some wandless magic. I can help you.” Dorian sighed before he nodded. James carefully took his arm and pulled back the ripped fabric and his heart sank at the sight of it. 

“Fucking hell.” He muttered. 

“I didn’t say anything.” James’ head snapped up. “In case you were worried.” 

“I know you, Dorian. I didn’t have any doubts. I just didn’t want them hurting you over some stupid idea I had.” James covered the wound with his hand and Dorian hissed. “Sorry, mate.” 

James tried to stop the bleeding but it wasn’t working. “Bloody hell I know Remus is better at this sorta thing but, I didn’t think I was this awful.” He sighed. 

“James?” He questioned. 

“I’m trying..” 

“Prongs!” James finally looked at him. “Try to transform.” Dorian instructed, worried. 

“That isn’t going to-” 

“Don’t argue just do it.” James nodded and stood up. He tried to but nothing happened. 

“The hell?” James tried again. He closed his eyes and thought hard but nothing happened. 

“James. We can’t do magic here. At least not from inside here.” Dorian stated. 

“But, Narcissa-” 

“She lives here, James. She would know all of the tricks. You can’t turn into a stag and you can’t do wandless magic here. At least not in this prison” James sat down, looking defeated. 

“Dorian, I’m sorry.” He looked distraught. 

“Prongs, stop apologizing. I don’t blame you.” The two both sighed as they sat beside each other. “How long do you think before they notice that we’re missing?” He asked, nursing his throbbing arm. James scoffed. 

“I reckon Lily is already delivering her wrath on the whole lot.” Dorian laughed a little. 

“And she’s pregnant this time around.” James laughed before his smile fell. “What is it?” Dorian asked. 

“I’m going to be a father. Merlin, I’m going to a father and I came out here-” 

“Don’t start going soft on me, Prongs. We aren’t dying in here and you most certainly aren’t going to miss out on your son’s life.” James raised an eyebrow. 

“Son? How do you know it’s going to be a boy?” He questioned. 

“I have a feeling.” James laughed. 

“Well, it's like I told Lils. I’m happy either way.” Dorian smiled. 

“That’s why we’re getting out of here. Your kid isn’t going to grow up like me.” Dorian looked at him with reassurance. 

“I don’t plan on it.” 


	13. Chapter 13

The order was in chaos. They could never have a decent and calm meeting with everyone there. Though Sirius partly blamed himself as he could never just shut his mouth when an argument presented itself. It had been a month. Sirius and Peter had been on the receiving end of Lily Potter’s wrath and it seemed she wasn’t going to stop. The whole room was in disarray with some members claiming it wasn’t official order business, so, if the two got themselves caught they could get themselves out of it. Others left the order entirely when they got news and the rest (Thankfully the majority) wanted to raid the whole place and get them out. Only they didn’t have the members they needed nor did they know anything of great importance. Sirius gathered his things and Marlene hung around to wait for him. The two had been going steady for a while and he could finally say he was glad to not be off and on. The Longbottoms had hosted this meeting and as they made their way down the stairs Siruis stopped. 

“Lily, I understand you’re upset. We’re all-” 

“Oh no, Alice. You do NOT understand what it’s like.” Alice huffed, guestering to her small bump. 

“Lily-” 

“Where are they?” Sirius gave her a weak smile, nervously scratching his head. 

“H-Hey Lily…” She stormed towards him and she didn’t look happy. 

“Where is he, Sirius?! It’s been a month! Where is my husband?!” Sirius backed away from her. 

“Look We’re trying-” 

“Well, Try harder.” The fireplace roared with green flames. 

“Where is he?!” Sirius groaned as Remus hurried towards him looking worried and worse for the wear. He had scratches and fresh scars all over his face; Worse than his usual. 

“Remus, You’re back-” Lily stopped, her eyes going wide. “Oh my god.” Remus looked towards her stomach, noticing the small bump. 

“I’ve been away for a while, haven’t I?” 

“Three months to be exact.” Sirius sighed. Lily gasped. 

“Oh, Remus.” 

“What?” 

“You don’t know, do you?” Sirius’ heart sank. 

“Oh Remus. When did you get back exactly?” He questioned. Remus frowned. 

“I just got back to the apartment but, Dorian wasn’t there and he left this.” He had a blank parchment in his hand. 

“Um..Moony. That’s blank.” Sirius mentioned. Lily took it and waved her wand. 

“It’s still blank?” Marlene looked at it puzzled and Remus rolled his eyes as he snatched it out. 

“It’s a muggle thing. Dorian had the idea for when things got real bad and he couldn’t risk sending any info in letters. He enchanted some parchment so that no spells could reveal it and then used that muggle ink that only when heated shows up.” He explained before he got out a lighter and held it underneath it. 

“He’s a genius.” Lily looked at the words. 

“ _ Remus, Gone with James to scout around Malfoy Manor. I know you may think it’s foolish but, I see the benefit in it. Besides if he goes alone he’ll no doubt get himself killed and if doesn’t I can’t let him take all the credit for something this big. Don’t worry we’ll be fine and we only plan on staying out here for three days. I know James wants to stay a little longer but he's also worried about Lily. Don’t you dare tell the others I told you but, she’s pregnant. Seems he has matured a bit. Anyways if we aren’t back by September 27th then tell the others. Please come home soon, it's been too long.”  _ Sirius read aloud. 

“That idiot.” Lily sighed, shaking her head. 

“I told him to drop it.” Sirius sighed. 

“Wait, He asked you too?” Marlene questioned. Sirius nodded, crossing his arms. 

“I told him it was too dangerous and I told him to drop it but, you know Prongs. He can’t ever just drop something.” 

“And now they’re both trapped in there.” Lily shook her head. 

“Dorian, look at me! Dorian!” The pair were both tied to chairs as Bellatrix conducted her “integration” while the others watched occasionally. Dorian was slumped in his chair, the spell causing dark bruises on his temples and it was taking a toll on his body. It physically pained him to see Dorian like this. “Dorian, open your eyes. Dorian, fucking look at me.” James tried to move but the restraints were too tight. Dorian shook his head, coughing before he opened his eyes. “Listen to me, Dorian. We’re going to get out of here. You hear?” He nodded. 

“And when we do drinks on me.” James laughed even if it hurt to do so. 

“Oh, I could use a damn drink about right now.” 

“Crucio!” James yelled out in pain, his body twisting and he gripped the arm of the chair. HIs head was thrown back as he kicked his legs as the body wrapped around him and Dorian felt sick hearing him in pain. She lifted the spell and James breathing was uneven. 

“Look we don’t know anything!” Dorian yelled at her and she scoffed. 

“I know that’s a lie and I don’t like liars!” She grabbed him by the face, digging her nails into his face. 

“I’ll get it out of you eventually.” She hissed, getting out her knife once more before she stabbed it into his hand and Dorian cried out in pain as the knife stabbed through his hand and into the chair. James’ eyes widened. “CRUCIO!” He screamed out in pain as the pain wrapped around him, squeezing him. James knew they were hurting him more to get to him and he couldn’t give them what they wanted; He wouldn’t ever. At this rate Dorian wasn’t going to last much longer and from the looks of it his arm was infected hence the pasty skin and fever that was burning him up. “Dorian, You can fight this! Just hold on!” He shouted. Dorian gritted his teeth but he couldn’t hold it in. She twisted her wand. 

“CRUCIO!” He tasted blood in his mouth and he spit it out as he screamed in pain. Dorian’s entire body was hurting and he was burning up. He felt his energy draining and he couldn’t really think that clearly. She lifted the curse and he gasped for air, his breathing heavy. 

“Dorian?” He questioned. Dorian was slumped to the side, his hand shaking. 

“J-James…” He muttered. 

“Dorian? Come on, pick your head up.” He encouraged. Bellatrix hit him across the face harshly before grabbing his face once more, forcing his head up. 

“You tell me and I’ll make the pain go away.” She tried to entice him. He looked at before he spit in her face. She roared with anger before she ripped the knife out. “Take this one!” She shouted. 

“Try to get what you can out of this one!” They dragged James out and he kicked the whole time. James hit the ground harshly as he received another kick to the stomach and another. He swung his fists, hitting them once before he hit the ground painfully. 

“GET OFF!” He shouted as they tied up his hands before they hit him again. HIs right eye throbbed as his glasses laid on the ground somewhere and his ribs burned. He had dark bruises around his neck and across his back from the torturing but, he knew as sick as it was that Bellatrix got more pleasure out torturing half-bloods and muggle-borns. 

“Leave him! I’ll deal with him.” A voice spat. A voice he knew too well. His glasses were placed back on his face harshly with no care for him. Not that he expected it. He looked up at an old enemy. James looked up to where he could hear the screams of Dorian and the cries of pain as well as the demands of the death eaters there with him. 

“That give you satisfaction, Snape?” He hissed and the greasy-haired death eater’s eyes looked up towards the sound. 

“I could care less, Potter.” His eyes still held hate as they returned to James. 

“You gonna torture me too?” James questioned. The man was silent but he held his wand confidently. James watched him carefully. 

“Their patience is running thin. I imagine they wouldn’t be upset if I put you out of your misery.” He pressed his wand against the raven haired man’s neck. James’ eyes watched him carefully, his nostrils flaring. 

“I know we weren’t exactly the nicest to-” 

“You were cruel. Made my life a hell.” He hissed and James swallowed hard. “Spinster was just like you. Like Black. All of you ruined my life-” 

“You didn’t exactly try to be good, did you? You attacked us-” 

“And you humiliated me.” 

“Did I make you call Lily that name? Huh? Did I drive her away?” He questioned. “You think killing me is going to help your case, Snape?” He questioned. Severus stared at him and he stepped back, conflict in his eyes but, it was overshadowed by hate. “Listen to me I need to get back to Lily. She isn’t safe without me-” 

“She can manage without you, Potter.” James shook his head. 

“God damnit, Snape! She’s pregnant!” Snape’s eyes went wide and disgust was in his eyes. “Please if you ever cared for her just let me go. I am sorry for what I did, Severus.” He aimed his wand. 

“You think sorry will fix this-” 

“No and honestly I don’t care but I need to get back to Lily. I need to get to Dorian before you kill him.” He raised his wand. “No.” His eyes were wide. “Severus, stop. Severus, no-” James flinched as he flicked his wand angrily but, the chains fell from him and shock overtook his features as he stood up. 

Severus looked at him angrily. “This is for  _ her. _ ” He hissed before he stepped back, lowering his wand. “Your things are upstairs.” He sighed heavily. “Go before I change my mind.” James hurriedly ran up the stairs and true to the slytherin's words their things were there. He grabbed both packs and got out his wand. Severus walked up behind him. James stopped. 

“One more thing, Snape.” He turned around. “ Petrificus Totalus!” Snape fell back frozen and stiff onto the ground. James stood over him before he hurriedly rushed upstairs. He stopped by the door where he saw Dorian no longer tied up but, laying in the floor too weak to move and his face was scratched up; Claw like marks tore the skin from under his cheek bone down and caught the corner of his mouth. It was bleeding badly and his neck was bruised purple while it looked his leg was broken. Bellatrix stood away from him with somebody she didn’t recognize while Lucuis stood over him. He swung his cane down on his chest and Dorian coughed harshly. 

“He’s not giving up anything. I suggest we kill him.” Lucuis sighed. Bellatrix looked towards him. 

“Or we could handle them both with half the work.” Bellatrix had a sinister look on her face. 

“What are you suggesting?” He questioned. 

“Since the half-blood is so fond of werewolves we let Greyback bite him.” The wolfish man laughed at this clearly already agreeing with the idea. “And we lock the two in together.” Lucius frowned. 

“You are suggesting I let something so gruesome occur in my own home?!” He questioned. 

“Do you want to torture them any longer than we already have?” She hissed. “In your own home?” Lucuis sighed, stepping over him. 

“Just get rid of them.” He stormed out of the other door. Dorian tried to get away from them but, his injuries and lack of injuries slowed him down. James quickly whipped around the corner. 

“STUPHEY!” Greyback was thrown against the wall before Bellatrix fought back with him. Dorian picked up the knife that was used on him and stabbed her in the leg causing her to scream out at him in both pain and anger. James quickly rotated his wand quickly freezing her up like he had done to Snape. Dorain collapsed onto the floor and James quickly forced him up. 

“J-James…” He felt sick at Dorian’s appearance. 

“Come on, Howls. We’re getting out of here.” He put Dorian’s arm around him and they quickly began getting out. They hurried into the woods and James could hear them behind him. 

“Dorian, You still with me?” Dorian gave a slurred yes as he tried to work his feet along but James was more dragging him along. “We’re nearly there.” He told him as they crossed a small stream. The two tripped and Dorian coughed, his body trembling even though he was sweating from the brutal fever. James picked him up, gritting his teeth as his ribs stabbed at him when the extra weight was added. 

“J-James..Just leave me...Y-You have a family-” 

“I’m not leaving you. This isn’t where you die, you hear me?” Dorian tried his best to keep up with him but he felt so drained and he was seeing black dots. They were surrounded and James quickly grabbed onto him and closed his eyes. Dorian felt like he was being dragged through a tube, his ears popping and the two hit pavement. He fought to keep his eyes open though without his glasses everything was blurry. 

“J-James?” His throat hurt so much. He didn’t respond. “James?” He forced himself to crawl and it looked more like he was dragging himself across the pavement. He blinked trying to get rid of the black dots. He reached James and heard his pained breathing. “James? James?!” He saw the deep slash across his shoulder and chest. “Oh god.” Dorian shook his head but his head felt so heavy. 

“James! Dorian!” Everything sounded muffled before his eyes rolled into the back of their head and his body collapsed as heard a distant scream. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Dorian escaped but, it came at a cost. Months later Dorian is still dealing with what was done to him and Remus makes sure he is there to help in anyway possible.

“Dorian, James!” Sirius’ grin fell as his eyes widened. “Bloody hell.” Lily was close behind him. He couldn’t tear away from the sight of the two of them. Lily stopped when she saw the state of them and her eyes landed on James before she let out a mix of a scream and a cry. Sirius quickly grabbed onto her.   
“JAMES!”   
“Lily, go back inside. Me and Remus will get them in.” He looked around her. “Peter, take Lily inside.” The shorter male quickly grabbed her gently and guided her back inside. Sirius went over to James and Remus stopped in his tracks with Frank there beside him. “He’s splinched.” Sirius sighed as Frank helped Sirius with James and Remus went over to Dorian.   
“What did they do to you?” He questioned before he picked him up.   
“Remus, He needs help right now!” Sirius was panicked when he took in Dorian’s appearance. They quickly rushed the two in keeping Lily away from James as good as they could. They laid James in bed and she quickly started looking through her things to find something to seal up his wounds.   
“Sirius!” Remus yelled. He hurried down as Remus quickly started looking through his things. “T-The wound on his arm is infected and he’s burning up.” Sirius looked at it and he thought he might be sick.   
“I’m going to be sick!” Peter quickly ran to the bathroom.   
“Lily, Dorian’s arm is infected! What do we do?” She finished sealing up James’ injury and Sirius paled at the sight of the skin pulling itself together.   
“How bad is it?” She asked.   
“It’s pretty bad.” She looked towards Frank.   
“I’ll clean him up.” She nodded before she hurried downstairs and she gasped.   
“T-There’s a potion but, I’ll have to brew it.” The house was in a rush as Peter helped Lily set up the potions and she began brewing it. Remus quickly went to put a cold rag on his forehead to try to cool him down and he tried to clean away the blood from the one on his cheek.   
“Remus, is that-”   
“A werewolf scratch.” Remus hissed. “Greyback did this.” He looked up at Sirius, clearly bothered by the name. Sirius ran up the stairs to check on James who seemed to be doing better than Dorian was.   
“Here!” She quickly started pouring the potion over the wound and her eyes softened when she saw what it spelled out. The wounds bubbled up and fizzed when the potion sank into them. She quickly started to clean up the green and black ooze that ran out of them before she poured some more in until no more came out. She poured some on some bandages and covered it up.   
“Force him to drink this. It’ll break that fever.” He nodded and sat up Dorian.   
“Dorian, open your eyes.” He slowly stirred as Lily ran to take care of James. “Dorian?” He slowly looked at him.   
“R-Remus? You’re alive..” He smiled weakly. The two shared a few short kisses.   
“Drink this for me. It’ll break that fever.” Dorian took the vial and cringed at the taste. Remus moved his hair back before Dorian fought sleep.   
“W-Where’s James?” He questioned.   
“He’s alright. We’re mostly worried about you.” Remus said, worry evident in his eyes.   
“How long h-have we-”   
“A month.” Dorian trembled a little as confusion was in his face. “Go on and sleep. You need it.” Dorian nodded before he fell back, passing out more than just succumbing to his need for sleep. Remus worked on patching him up as he slept.   
“Moony..” Sirius sighed.   
“Not now.”   
“Moony, We need-”   
“Not now, Sirius! Can’t you see I’m busy?!” He questioned, glaring at him. Peter came back downstairs and he picked at his nails nervously.   
“There isn’t much more you can do for him, Remus.” The air was tense.   
“If you had just talked James out of-”   
“I tried, Remus! You would know that if you weren’t running off all the time!” Remus stood up the two glaring at each other.   
“If you haven’t noticed I’ve been risking my life-”   
“Have you? You never talk about it. You just come and go. What happened to you having our backs huh?” Sirius questioned. Remus glared at him, anger coursing through him.   
“What the hell is that supposed to me, Sirius?”   
“You tell me! While you’ve been away we’ve been fighting the war. You say you’re apart of the order but, you’re never here anymore.” He spat. Remus shoved him back.   
“I told you already I am doing work for Dumbeldore-”   
“What exactly are you doing, Remus? You aren’t even working anymore! You just expect Dorian to pay for everything while your off doing-”   
“I already told you that I can’t say.” He hissed.   
“Stop it both of you!” Lily yelled, getting between the two. “Fighting isn’t going to help James or Dorian. Sirius you shouldn’t be trying to blame our friends for this and Remus you shouldn’t be so quick to fight your own best friend.” The two sighed.   
“You want someone to blame? Blame the people who tortured them.” She looked between the two. Frank came down the stairs.   
“Honsently, You two are fighting at a time like this?” He questioned.   
“They’re right.” Remus sighed, going back to where Dorian was.   
“Sirius?” Lily asked. He sighed.   
“Yeah.” He walked away hurrying up to see James while Lily followed him up. She chased after him as best as she could do. “Sirius.” She kept her voice low but it was still harsh. “Sirius!” He stopped, turning. “What the hell was that about?” He rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw.   
“Don’t you think it’s a little convenient that Remus comes back right after we know they’re missing with this letter that Dorian supposedly-”   
“It was his handwriting. I know the old trick he’s talking about and you know Remus adores Dorian and James. Why would he have anything to do with what happened to them?” Lily looked towards him with a worried and complex expression.   
“You know how Dorian struggled, Lily. You saw how we’d have to force him to eat dinner. We'd buy him because he was giving up meals to pay rent on that terrible apartment.” Lily sighed.   
“That isn’t any of our business-”   
“He is our best friend or at least he’s mine, James’, and Peter’s.” She glared at him.   
“He’s my friend too! You think it doesn’t tear me up inside to see him struggle but Dorian is so damn proud he won’t ask for help even when James and me told him he could borrow money if he needed it but, it’s not our business what they’ve worked out.” Lily sighed. “Remus wouldn’t ever be a spy for them, Sirius. You know him. Since you were eleven.” Sirius sighed.   
“I-I don’t know what to think anymore..” 

Remus sighed as he opened the door to their apartment that they nearly lost. Dorian had been slowly recovering but, he still laid in bed now able to get some food down that didn’t involve him throwing it back up a few hours later but, he still was weak resulting in him staying in bed most of the time unable to get back to work. Remus closed the door quickly and locked it. Ever since Dorian had gotten back he had become more paranoid; James too and Lily even wrote how more mature he behaved since. Remus dropped his things and tossed his jacket before he went to check in on him. “Dorian?” He felt instant worry seeing him up on his feet and moving to the seat by the window after pushing off of the dresser.  
“I’m fine. Really.” Dorian took a deep breath as he continued to finish up the letter he wrote while sitting near the window. Remus sighed, leaning against the doorway.   
“You know you aren’t supposed to be walking around-”   
“I’m not weak.” He hissed, snapping at him slightly before he sighed. “I’m sorry, Moony.” He put away the quill and letter. “I-I just feel so weak all the time. Like I’m exactly what they think I am.” He sighed, clearly holding onto some anger.   
“Do I need to remind you that you were a star quidditch player?” Remus asked as he grabbed a framed photo and handed him the photo. All of them grinning after their last quidditch match. Dorian gave a small smile. “You were a great chaser, Dorian. You can’t be that if you’re weak.” Dorian looked at the photo sighing. “And I’ve seen you take down dozens of death eaters.” Remus took his hand in his, careful around the bandaged one. Dorian’s smile fell.   
“Then why is it taking me this long to recover? I should be out there with you and the others fighting-” Remus shook his head, sympathy in his eyes.   
“You were tortured throughout the span of a month, Dorian. Those sick bastards used the-” He stopped himself remembering how the name of the curse bothered him. “They tortured you but, you didn’t give them what they wanted. Somebody who was truly weak wouldn’t have made it through that much pain without giving up some kind of information.” He explained, trying to make him see.   
“I just..” Dorian took a deep breath. “I just am sick and tired of feeling so helpless.” Remus cupped his face, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.   
“You aren’t. You’re making progress and I’m proud of that.” Dorian gave a small smile before the two found each other’s lips. The pair never got tired of the feeling of the other’s lips on the other. Dorian hung his arms around his neck loosely, bringing them closer. They pulled away and Remus traced the scars tenderly on Dorian face.   
“D-Do they bother you?” Dorian questioned and Remus shook his head.   
“Of course not. You accept all of my scars. Why would I not accept yours?” He questioned and Dorian nodded.   
“Something is bothering you.” Remus sighed, tangling his fingers with Dorian’s. “You’re a terrible liar.”   
“I know what some people may think...I’m afraid people may think I caused this..” Dorian’s smile fell.   
“Who would think that?” He questioned. Remus shrugged.   
“I don’t know. Maybe your mother-”   
“Remus, I don’t care what people say about us. Our friends accept us and we accept each other. That’s all I care about. I don’t ever want to be away from you for too long again. I don’t like not knowing when you’re going to come back. I don’t like not knowing whether you are dead or alive.” Dorian explained. Remus nodded before they shared another kiss; This one longer than the other. “I promise I won’t ever be away from you that long again. It was dreadful, Dorian.” They kissed once more. “Are you hungry?” He offered to make them some dinner. Dorian nodded. Dorian stood up with the intent of walking into the small kitchen but, his legs gave out and Remus quickly caught him, his arms wrapping around him.   
“S-Sorry.” Dorian gripped his shirt tightly, suddenly feeling tired again.   
“Don’t be.” Remus would have carried him but he knew that bothered him so, instead he helped Dorian walk with one of his arms around his neck and his own was wrapped securely around Dorian. It was a short distance to the bed and Dorian was able to get in on his own and he sat up in bed, sighing. “I’ll go make us something to eat.” Dorian grabbed his arm.   
“Don’t be long.” Remus gave him a reassuring smile.   
“I promise.” Dorian let him go and nodded with a small smile. It was a particularly cold day, so Remus came back with a bowl of soup and grilled cheese for Dorian while he just had a sandwich. Dorian didn’t like to think about the days where he couldn’t even lift his arms up and had to be spoon fed. He shook the memory away before he slowly ate. It was a pleasant silence and they just enjoyed being in each other’s company. It was later when Remus was in the middle of reading as the sun had already set and the dim lights illuminated the whole place.   
“You’re going to go blind reading in this lighting..” Dorian said and Remus scoffed.   
“Excuse me for being considerate.. I thought you were still sleeping..” Dorian smiled at this.   
“That’s sweet.” Dorian curled bottom lip between his teeth slightly unsure how’d he react to something he’d been thinking about a lot. “Remus, I’ve been thinking.” Dorian sat up, biting his lip as pain shot up his back. Remus lowered his book, marking his page before he closed it giving him his full attention; Another thing that Dorian adored about him. Dorian took a deep breath, sighing. “This may sound really stupid-”   
“None of your thoughts are stupid.” Dorian smiled a little.   
“This might be but, How would you feel about moving out of this apartment in the near future into something a little bigger?” Remus looked a little taken back.   
“You mean like living together in a house?” That seemed like a bigger step when Remus said it but, was it really? They had already been living together for nearly four years.   
“I was thinking more of a small cabin or cottage. Somewhere out of the city near some woods.” Remus watched him as he clarified and a smile grew.   
“I’d like that a lot.” Dorian couldn’t help but, grin.   
“Really?”   
“Well, We’d need to save up some money of course but, yes.” The two smiled at each other; Bright smiles that seemed to have disappeared for months now. “I’d like that.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The toll of the war takes it toll and the cost of a war hits close to home for Dorian.

James came downstairs, his injuries all but healed. Though his shoulder did hurt him at certain times or a stiff soreness would spike up. Lily was still sleeping as a storm raged outside. He sat down at the small dinner table with nothing really to do. He sat his wand down on the table sighing. He picked up the unopened letter from Dorian, recognizing the tight cursive that Dorian was known to write in. Since the whole ordeal he noticed his hand writing had gotten messier but, he quickly shook that out of his head. He tore it open reading under his breath. 

“ _ Prongs, It seems like forever since we’ve seen each other..It’s been so long since I saw any of you minus Moony of course. I’ll tell you I’m about bored of this damn apartment and of this bed. Wish I was out there with you guys. I’ll try my best to make it to the next meeting. I’m sure they’ve had plenty to talk about me..We should try to meet sometime. The whole gang at that. How’s Lily? Haven’t heard from her either. Last she wrote she was telling me how overly protective you’ve been. Prongs, please write soon. It’s so incredibly lonely during the day..Just know I don’t blame you for anything...If anything I’m in debt to you..You did save my life afterall. Write soon.  _

_ Howls.”  _

James sighed, placing the letter to the side before he got out a piece of parchment but, he struggled to write the letter. Since they had gotten back he hadn’t slept well in ages. He sighed, letting his quil move across the page. 

“In all honesty I feel like a damn git. Lily is worrying herself sick with this whole prophecy business. I haven’t slept well and I’m worried too. I hate saying this but, I do hope it’s not him. I’d never want to burden the Longbottoms like that but, what choice do we have. I don't want my child to have that kind of burden. How do you even have a childhood with that looming over your head?” James sighed before he continued on. “As for you..Don’t feel bad about missing the meetings. All we seem to do is fight each other..We’re losing this war and there’s no use dragging you back into it when you’ve just recovered.You and Moony should just take off. Go to the countryside or something. That sounds like something you’d both like. Nobody would blame you for it. I couldn’t do it myself..Too far into this war but, everyday I see more death and misery. The idea sounds more appealing each day actually. I’ve suggested Peter do the same thing. Funnily enough he told me no for the first time. It was actually refreshing. I guess he’s found that courage. Always knew he had it in him though. I can’t say I haven’t missed having your stupid face around. Take care and tell Moony I said hello. 

Prongs.” He folded the letter over before he heard his name. 

“James, What are you doing up?” Lily asked, slowly making her way down the stairs. 

“Did I wake you, love? I’m sorry I just couldn’t sleep.” He sighed and her eyes softened. 

“I couldn’t sleep either.” She touched the present bump, looking down and sighing. “Neither could he.” James gave her a small smile. “James, The things Dumbeldore is saying-” 

“Lily.” He sighed as she sat down. 

“What are we doing? I mean I thought that we’d be making head way and maybe we’d have control over this war and-” 

“Lily, Lily. We’ll figure this out. Together like we always do.” He grabbed her hands putting them in his. 

“Aren’t you worried?” She questioned. 

“Yes! Of course I am. I am terrified.” James removed his glasses, rubbing his face. 

“James, Talk to me. You never talk to me.” She pleaded, seeing the stress weighing on him. He sighed. 

“I can’t sleep because when I do I am back at that damn house and I see Dorian slumped over in that chair, bleeding and clinging to anything to keep himself awake…” Tears were evident in his hazel eyes. “I see you in pain pleading for me to help you..T-To make it stop...I-I see Sirius lying still on the floor at my feet while Peter is screaming for me to help them a-and I hear Remus-” A pained sob escaped his mouth. Lily hugged him, placing a hand on the back of his head. 

“Oh, James. How long have you been having these dreams?” She asked, worry dripping from her words. 

“S-Since me and Dorian got back.” She hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her. “I-I am terrified of losing you.” 

“Why didn’t you talk to me, James? Why wouldn’t you talk to me?” She questioned. 

“You were already so worried about the baby and everything else. You didn’t need to worry about me.” Lily sighed before she pulled away from him and grabbed his glasses, putting them back on his face. “You’re my family. All of them are and if they ever got to-” Lily quickly kissed him, hating the look of shame and hurt on his features. 

“James, You aren’t invincible. You can’t control everything and you can’t be blaming yourself for what happened.” He opened his mouth to argue but couldn't come up with anything. “Dorian, Dosen’t blame you. I don’t blame you. Nobody blames you.” James sighed. He wiped his face, ridding himself of the tears. He stood up, the chair squeaking against the wood floor. “Where are you going?” She asked and he took her hand. 

“Let’s go to bed. I’m sorry about  _ that.”  _ She shook her hand. 

“Don’t be. I didn’t think it was possible but, you worry yourself more than I do.” She still had that look of worry in her eyes. 

“Don’t know if you know this but, I’m a pretty big softy.” She couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

“Let’s go to bed, Darling.” 

Dorian gasped, jumping up in bed as his heart pounded. He tried to calm himself down and he frowned seeing Remus wasn’t there. He turned on the light as a feeling passed over him. Something was wrong, he was sure of it. It was 2 in the morning and he wasn’t back yet. He threw the covers and sheets off and got to his feet. The floor was cold on his bare feet and he jumped when a frantic and loud knocking hit at the door. He grasped his wand and slowly opened the door. 

“Padfoot?” Sirius looked like a mess. He quickly opened the door. His hair was a tangled mess, a gash cutting his cheek, and blood on the edge of his mouth. His clothes were wrinkled and dirt stained his sleeves. He hurried inside and Dorian shut the door. “Sirius, What’s happened?” He questioned, getting worried. 

“You need to come to St. Mungos.” His voice had a certain gloom around it. “Is Remus-” 

“Just get dressed and come with me.” Dorian nodded and hurried in the back throwing on a simple black shirt, dark trousers, a pair of boots, and throwing on his jean jacket on his way out as he followed Sirius. “Is he alright?” Dorian questioned. Sirius turned. 

“Remus is as well as one can be-” 

“Can you tell me at least what’s happened?” He questioned. Sirius looked grim as he got onto his bike. 

“I-I don’t know how to tell you this, Dorian.” 

“Tell me what?” 

“It’s Mary. She’s-” 

“Just take me there.” Dorian quickly got on, holding onto the cargo bar on the back before the bike roared to life. Sirius didn’t say much but, he knew it must have been bad by the way Sirius was driving and how he leaned forwards, his grip tighter than need be. Dorian’s heart was pounding as he wished they could get there faster. Sirius weaved between muggle traffic as they neared. Sirius hadn’t fully stopped the bike before Dorian got off and hurried inside. 

“Dorian, wait!” Sirius called after him but Dorian was racing up the stairs frantically thinking of the pair of them. He found the room. 

“Dorian, What are you-” Remus blocked his way and he looked worse than Sirius did. 

“Where is she?” Dorian questioned, he was sure they could hear his heat slamming against his chest. Remus looked pale and he had that same grim look as Sirius only it was worse. His hair was a mess and his face was stained with tears as could be seen by his red eyes. 

“I tried to stop him but he took off!” Sirius said, out of breath. 

“Remus, Where is she?” He questioned and he got fed up with nobody giving him answers. 

“Dorian, don’t-” He pushed past them and everything seemed to stop in that moment. The two of them grabbed his shoulders, trying to stop him. His eyes widened as he saw MAry laying there her face stained with dirt and cut lined her face as she laid there unmoving and her hand hanging off of the bed. He was sure his heart had stopped in that moment and a painful sob escaped his mouth as he comprehended it all and tears spilled over as Remus pulled him back in an attempt to tear him away from the sight as Dorian’s sobs grew louder by the minute. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

The sky was dark; It had been since the ministry had fallen and to some it wouldn’t turn back to the light. Everyday it was becoming more of a war zone and James now doubled his worries as he found himself running down a battlefield, the curses that flew past them could almost be mistaken as thunder. He quickly dived into the brush as curses whipped and twisted towards the spot. James quickly dragged himself through the thick brush and sat up against a tree. He pushed his scratched up glasses up his nose as he hissed at his bleeding side. He must have taken a few curses or at least was grazed by one. “This is going great, James..” He muttered under his breath as his bloody knuckles gripped his wand as white bandages covered the cut and he slowly rose up before he heard the crunching of leaves, quickly turning before he saw the wild look of his best mate. 

“Alright, Prongs?” James let out a relieved sigh before he gave a quick nod. Sirius wiped the blood from his broken nose with the sleeve of his leather jacket. It was a normal sight at this point. Sirius’ eyes found the blood and tear in his shirt. “James-” 

“Nothing I can’t handle.” He quickly reassured. “Just a little scratch. More than what we gave ‘em.” Sirius scoffed. 

“Where’s Remus?” He asked. James sighed. “It’s been a month-” 

“Sirius not now.” James looked tired. 

“Prongs, Dorian isn’t well. I mean have you seen him? He’s still not recovered after all of this time, unable to work or even be on his feet the whole day and Remus just leaves-” 

“Sirius, We don’t have time for this.” James snapped at him. “We have more pressing matters at hand.” James sighed, looking around with his wand at the ready. “I don’t know why he left when he did but, he must have had his reasons.” James looked towards him. “I have enough to worry about as is...I-” He clenched his jaw. “ _ We.”  _ He corrected himself. “We don’t need to worry ourselves with  _ what  _ you’re suggesting.” Sirius never let an argument go. 

“I know you, James. You are just as worried for Dorian as I am. As Pete is…” Poor Peter. He wasn’t made for this and it showed. Recently he had developed a nervous stutter that seemed to get worse and the dark circles were proof he wasn’t sleeping. James turned around swiftly. 

“Of course I am, Sirius.” A look of guilt passed over his tired eyes. “I wish he would have left. I would feel better if him and Remus packed up their things and left the country.” 

“But, you know Dorian would never do that. It’s not in his nature.” James scoffed. 

“I wish one of us would stop being a damn gryffindor.” Sirius laughed at that. 

“Heard Peter’s mum nagging him to leave with her.” 

“Maybe he’ll take it. He’s not made for this sort of thing.” Sirius murmured, checking around the area, tapping his wand against his jeans in a nervous habit; Seemed everyone was getting one of those now. James shook his head. 

“You know Peter. He’s almost as stubborn as you.” James let a small smile appear and it was a relief for Siruis to see. “If he says he can handle it he can.” Sirius nudged him with his shoulder lightly. 

“Well, Why don’t we get out of here and show ‘em what we’re made of?” Sirius nodded. 

“Read my mind, mate.” The two quickly darted away from the covering. Once more the sound of battle returned to their ears. 

  
  


The field was nearly deserted now with a series of pops and cracks as those retrieved fallen friends or escorted their dead out. He looked out one the field that had once been peaceful. One he had passed by many times before. He stood on the hill looking out on what was left of it. “Dorian!” He turned swiftly, his wand aimed but quickly lowered it. 

“Marlene.” A sigh of relief escaped his cracked lips. “Sorry.” 

“Never can be too careful, can we?” He nodded, a smile not present on his features as a gust of wind picked up the end of his earthy-color coat; The wool shielding him from the night’s cool wind. “You can go home-” 

“No.” Dorian took a deep breath that was strained. 

“You aren’t even supposed to be here. There’s no use killing yourself being here. We can handle this. Go home and rest-” 

“I’ve rested long enough. I’m not going home, Marlene.” He finally looked at her with hardened eyes before he turned away, unable to keep eye contact for very long anymore. He turned away, heading down the hill slowly. Marlene walked after him. 

“Go home, Marlene. Sirius left not too long ago.” He was eager to see her. 

“You can’t use the same line on me, Spinster.” She wasn’t about to leave him alone. They had all been worried about him. He hadn’t let himself fully heal and that could be seen as the limp he walked with now that slowed his step slightly. He had lost weight considerably and it was clear something was wrong but, he didn’t seem exactly keen on letting people in. “Does Remus know you’ve returned?” He stopped in his tracks, his back to her. “To missions I mean.” He didn’t say anything. “Have you even told him what you’re doing?” He clenched his jaw. 

“I am not sitting by while people are dying.” He hissed. Marlene looked at him in disbelief. 

“Mary’s death wasn’t your fault.” Dorian swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Go see Sirius. He has something to ask you.” He stated, turning around to look at her. “What about you?” She asked. 

“Me?” He scoffed. 

“I’ll just finish up rounds here.” She walked towards him, hugging him tightly. 

“Go see the boys, Dorian. They’ve missed you something terrible.” Dorian sighed, slowly wrapping his arms around her lazily. “And stop being a stranger. We all missed you.” She offered him a warm smile. He nodded. 

“Where are you off to?” He questioned. 

“To see the family-” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea considering all things.” He quickly warned with concern. She rolled her eyes as she pulled Sirius' jacket closer around her. 

“Dorian, It’s my sister’s birthday.” He nodded, looking down slightly. “Is that..a smile?” He rolled his eyes. “I like hearing normal things these days.” Marlene laughed. Laughter it was something he had missed terribly. 

“Normal? You? I didn’t think it was possible with a marauder.” She teased and Dorian shook his head. 

“Fourteen isn’t she?” 

“Fifteen. Though she still acts like she’s twelve.” Dorian nodded. 

“Still, it could be dangerous.” She rolled her eyes. “They live in the countryside, Dorian. The attacks are very limited out there. Besides nobody in those parts has been attacked.” He knew it was no use in arguing with her. 

“Well...I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.” Marlene smiled. 

“Tell Sirius for me? I want to get there as soon as I can.” Dorian nodded. 

“Be careful, Marlene.” She quickly hugged him. 

“You too and put some ice on that.” She mentioned to the dark bruising under his eye. He nodded, swatting her hand away. 

“You better get going.” She hurried off with a quick pop before he returned to his work, the smile fading as soon as she was gone. 

“Thanks, Lily.” Dorian sat in their living room as they all talked and tried to go back to old times. He placed the ice pack against his bruise. James checked his watch. 

“Did Peter say he was coming?” James questioned. They all looked at their watches as they finished their drinks. 

“Hard to understand him these days, isn't it? Barely can get a sentence out.” Dorian commented before he set his drink down as Siruis turned on the radio in the corner. 

“Sirius, not now.” Lily sighed. “Please. I’m sure Peter-” A somber mood invaded the warmness as the list of names of those killed. Both muggle and magical families. Most were muggleborns. 

“The Mckinnon Family…” There was a slight pause. “Including-” 

“Please no. N-Not her.” Sirius muttered. 

“Marlene Mckinnon.” 


	17. Chapter 17

“We all gathered here to mourn the passing of a kind and innocent soul. One that was taken far too early…” Dorian was tired of wearing black. He was tired of seeing it in a graveyard on a gloomy day. He was tired of hearing the cries of friends and seeing the old bury the young. Sirius insisted on a funeral. He insisted that she’d at least get the ceremony so many others didn’t get; Like Mary went without. So, Mad Eye posted people to patrol discreetly as a crowd of black umbrella’s gathered. One by one people dropped a white rose onto the wooden coffins. One funeral for a whole family. It was short and people left in a hurry. Dorian approached Sirius who was the last one there, clutching the white rose in his hand as the rain soaked him to the bone. He just stared distraughtly at  _ her  _ coffin. He hadn’t said much since the funeral started. 

“Don’t.” James whispeared, grabbing his shoulder. “He needs time.” Dorian nodded as the two watched from a distance as Lily sat with Peter who was a sniffling mess, his hands shaky. “He blames himself.” James mentioned. 

“He didn’t do anything wrong.” Dorian sighed as the two stood side by side. 

“I’ve tried to tell him.” Their eyes went back to Sirius, who took out a velvet box from his pocket. A ring he had planned to give to her that night after he’d gotten done with drinks and after she’d come home from her parents. Dorian took a deep breath. “Heard from Remus?” James asked, unable to look directly at Sirius. 

“Not for a month.” 

“Didn’t he promise you he wouldn’t be gone this long again?” Dorian had half the mind to laugh at that.  _ Again.  _ It seemed Remus was fond of that word. Always saying it wouldn’t happen  _ again.  _ He wouldn’t be gone for four months  _ again.  _ He wouldn’t leave him alone  _ again.  _ He wouldn’t leave  _ again.  _ Dorian didn’t have it left in him to laugh. He felt cold much like the weather. 

“These days he has the habitat of making empty promises.” James looked at Dorian, who looked forwards, with sorrow and pity. “Has Sirius said much to you?” He didn’t want to think about how his life was falling apart. 

“Er...No.” James thankfully left the subject go. For once. “He doesn’t deal with anything. He just ignores it or denies it.” 

“He’s always done that.” Dorian rubbed his hands together. “Not that it’s healthy.” James nodded. 

“Marlene was the best thing that could have happened to him. They were going stable and he was tied down to something that wasn’t the past or himself.” Dorian scoffed. 

“He is always talking about the good old days.” 

“Can you blame him?” James questioned, his eyes tired. “I’d give anything to go back. I miss normal.” He admitted. 

“What happened to us being legends and all of that?” Dorian asked. James sighed deeply, fog collecting around his breath. 

“Well, legends aren’t much use in a war. To be a legend you have to get yourself killed and then people just..” He seemed sick of it and bored like he was spent as if the war had aged him beyond his years. “..idolize you and remember you as this hero.” 

“At least you aren’t flawed. Not so bad, is it? To be a hero I mean. People just remember the good you did.” Dorian added. James shook his head, crinkling his mouth in disagreement as he cleaned his glasses off. 

“No. It takes the humanity out of you. I want people to see that I did some stupid things but, I want them to know I had good intentions.” 

“You aren’t planning on going in the ground anytime, are you?” 

“Merlin, no. I’ve got a son on the way. I’m not leaving him for anything.” He forced himself to look towards Sirius. “I’m worried about him.” 

“So am I.” 

“He was already upset over Regulus-” 

“Regulus?” Dorian question with too much eagerness. James gave him a look, pushing his glasses back up his nose. 

“He’s gone missing. No one has seen him in three months. Apparently there’s a rumor-”

“What kind?” Again he asked the questioned almost concerned. James raised an eyebrow. 

“A rumor that he tried to leave and you know who killed him for it.” Dorian felt it was too outlandish or perhaps not outlandish enough. He wasn’t sure. “Why do you care?” It came out harsher than he intended. 

“I don’t.” He replied shortly. 

“Really?” 

“I don’t. I-I just was curious is all. We used to be friends.” James watched him carefully. 

“Yeah in third year, right?” Dorian nodded. “Then he went off to join those freaks.” Dorian nodded. 

“I hope the idiot isn’t dead. For Sirius' sake.” Dorian mentioned, looking back towards him. 

“I’m thinking of making him Harry’s godfather..” James more so blurted out. Dorian’s head snapped over to look at him. “Don’t worry you and Remus will get the next one.” He sighed. 

“Next one?” 

“Well, yeah.” James kicked at the dirt. “I grew up being an only child and it can get pretty lonely. I always wanted a big family.” Dorian shook his head. 

“I think you’ll need a bigger house, mate.” Lily walked over slowly, groaning as she placed a hand on the large bump. 

“I can already tell he’s going to be a little trouble maker.” She sighed. 

“My son is going to be so cool.” They should have been smiling but, the current circumstances had stolen that away. Sirius took the ring out of the box, placing it on the coffin.

  
  


“ _ Regulus, please don’t do this! You’re better than this!”  _

_ “You don’t know me!”  _

Dorian walked down the lonely streets, occasionally looking over his shoulder as he stepped through a puddle before he reached the metal stairs of his new apartment. It was small, barely one room and it was on the worse side of town. He unlocked the door before he quickly locked it. He turned one a light before he went through the mail. He had gotten used to receiving not a word from Remus. He stopped as he heard a creak from behind him. He picked his wand up from the table before he whipped around, his wand aimed. Lighting illuminated the room, detailing sharp features and a raging storm behind two grey eyes. 

“ _ I know you better than you know yourself! Then Sirius knows you! I am your friend!”  _

_ “I don’t need you, Dorian!”  _

His eyes widened before they narrowed. “You?” Water dripped from his tangled obisden hair. The suit was messy, ripped in certain areas and hanging off of him as he looked far too skinny to be considered healthy. 

“Pleasure, Dorian.” He nursed his side which looked to be bleeding and his breathing was strained. He didn’t draw his wand. 

“What are you doing here?” He demanded an answer. 

“I won’t draw my wand.” He stated shortly. 

“Why not? Wouldn’t you be rewarded greatly for killing me, Regulus?” Dorian questioned, eyes burning into him. Regulus shook his head, swallowing a pained groan. 

“I wouldn’t kill you. I didn’t want to hurt anybody-” 

“You’re a death eater, aren’t you?” Regulus closed his eyes, his brows furrowing. “Well? Draw your wand!” Dorian watched him carefully, noticing the slumped posture. 

“I told you.” He hissed. “I don’t want to hurt anybody.” He clenched his jaw, forcing his eyes open. “I’ve taken great care to not throw curses near you, my brother, or anybody close to you and him.” Dorian faltered for a moment. 

“And Marlene?” A flash of sorrow passed in his eyes. 

“I wasn’t there if that’s what you mean. I heard my dreadful cousin boasting about the plan but, I was too late.” He sighed, guilt replacing the sorrow. “Something I will regret for the rest of my life.” Dorian searched for any signs of foul play. 

“I heard you were missing.” 

“Titled a deserter by all accounts.” He took out his wand and Dorian was back on guard but Regulus tossed it onto the floor. “I have many regrets..” He closed his eyes once more, breathing out slowly. “I regret nothing more than this cursided mark.” He forced his sleeve up and he ripped the poorly wrapped bandages off. The dark mark was almost unrecognizable as the skin around it had been scarred, the skin bubbled up with red and white coloration that had disfigured it. Dorian cringed at it but, he could tell by the shape of disfiguration that he had done it himself. His eyes fell upon the dried and new blood that covered his hand and the area that cover it on his side. 

“You’re hurt…” Regulus breathed in sharply. 

“Death eaters.” He simply stated with much bitterness and hate that it rivaled Dorian’s own. “Loyal.” He clarified. Dorian slowly lowered his wand before he pulled out a stool. 

“Sit.” Regulus watched him carefully. “Or you can bleed out.” Regulus made his way to the seat, hissing at the pain. Regulus slowly removed his hand and the wound was jagged and it was burned around the edges. Dorian sighed before he began to clean it out causing the younger male to grip the counter. 

“What made you see the light?” He questioned as he pulled out the bits of glass that had stuck into his skin around the wound. Regulus scoffed. 

“That’s a very long story-Ow!” He bit down on his knuckles as Dorian flicked his wand, sutures pulling the parted skin together. Dorian then wiped the blood away. 

“Go on or I could call the order.” Regulus rolled his eyes. 

“I’ve been planning on leaving for some time. I just needed to find something that I may be able to do.” He seemed lost in thought. Nervous even. 

“Do what?” Dorian asked, bandages wrapped around him tightly. “Regulus?” Dorian looked at him concerned. 

“To repent.” Their eyes met and Dorian stopped in a mid shake of the head. 

“I know that look.” Regulus looked back at him. 

“I’ve found something but, I-I was on my way when some death eaters spotted me.” He admitted. 

“Where to?” 

“Here.” Dorian scoffed. “I can’t do this alone. I mean I will if you won’t help me but, I came here to at least ask. You are the only person I trust in this world, Dorian.” The brunette crossed his arms. 

“Ten years, Regulus. Ten fucking years since you turned your back on me. Now, you come back needing to get patched up and needing my help for Merlin knows what.” Regulus nodded. 

“You are my only friend. The only person I can trust with  _ this _ .” Dorian’s eyes furrowed in confusion. 

“I don’t even know what it is! I don’t even know if I can trust-” 

“Why did you help me then? I know you, Dorian. You wouldn’t trust any fool who claimed to have found the light.” Dorian clenched his jaw, shaking his head. 

“What am I doing?” He muttered. 

“What was it-” 

“The burn.” He admitted, eyes closed in shame. “You did it yourself.” The younger man paled slightly. “You disfigured the mark. Only some many who really meant it would do that.” Dorian paced some, pushing his hair back, muttering to himself. Conflict raging in his eyes. 

“You are losing this war. I know how to end this or at least get closer to killing  _ him. _ ” Dorian’s eyes snapped open. “I will do it with or without you. Even if it kills me. I  _ want _ your help. I am in desperate need of you, Dorian. I have been for ten years.” A silent tension filtered through the room. “Will you help me?” 

“I don’t even know what it is.” Dorian still protested it, unsure of what to do and conflicted on what was right. 

“A miracle.” Regulus took out a ripped paper, looking down at it before he looked at him with desperation, a pleading look upon his features. “Have you ever heard of a horcrux?” 


	18. Chapter 18

“What am I doing?” Dorian sat at the table books upon books piled up with newspapers and documents scattered across the table. Dorian had asked himself that after he agreed to help after hearing Regulus’ theory. 

“ _ If it turns out to be nothing and there is no lead. I’ll drop it and be on my way.”  _ He had told him. It was all speculation but, the idea of ending this war was too good to pass up. “ _ If at any time you want to leave. By all means leave.”  _ Dorian appreciated the forewarning. They had been at it for two months and still no word from Remus. 

“He’s not a spy.” Regulus stated out of the blue. Dorian’s head snapped over to him. “Lupin, the werewolf-” 

“You have no right.” Dorian hissed. 

“I mean no ill-will-”

“You imply that I think my own-” Dorian clenched his jaw, looking down back at the books. 

“Lover.” Regulus looked towards him with no sign of the disgust that Dorian had been so accustomed to seeing; Even in some of the order members. Dorian scoffed before he grabbed the pack of cigarettes that the two had shared. “Something funny, Spinster?” He asked, flipping a page over. 

“Hilarious.” Sarcasm dripped from his tongue. Dorian held the cigarette between two fingers as a trail of smoke left his lips. Regulus’ eyes went back to Dorian’s who avoided his gaze. Something that the younger wizard had noticed about his former friend that he hadn’t while at school. 

“Well? Spit it out.” Dorian took a long intake of the nicotine before he leaned forwards. 

“I see more acceptance in a death eater-” 

“Former.” Regulus was quick to correct. Dorian sighed with a slow nod. 

“...in a former death eater than I see in some of the order members.” He admitted and Regulus stopped his writing. “Not that I am going to let you in on that information anytime soon.” Dorian brought the roll of tobacco back to his lips before he went back to scanning the books for anything of importance. Regulus glanced up towards the older wizard with a sort of wandering. 

“Was it the war or him?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“That turned you cold.” Regulus mentioned, taking note of how the former gryffindor clenched his fists. “When we were at school you had this strange light. Despite your mother being-” He stopped himself. “You’ve changed, Dorian.” Spinster pushed his glasses up his nose. “And you don’t talk near as-” 

“Why would you care, Regulus? You did leave for  _ them _ .” He gestured towards his forearm. Regulus reached into his jacket and Dorian stiffened before he noticed it was a folded up photo. He handed it to Dorian and he unfolded it as he looked at the aged photo. It was of Dorian and Regulus both younger in age and they didn’t look near as tired as they did now. The picture held a warmth that he had been avoiding some time. 

“I regret deserting you.” He confessed. “Though you had your little group and my brother to rely on..Always did..” Dorian looked up from the photo. 

“Were you jealous?” He questioned and Regulus looked guilty, taking a deep breath. 

“How could I not? My own brother-” He swallowed the emotion in his voice. “I guess Potter could only handle accepting one member of my family.” Dorian sighed, looking towards him but, still not directly at him. 

“It wasn’t like that.” He sighed in disbelief. “Why didn’t you say something? Why were you so silent about everything?” He questioned. 

“My family was cold and torturous, Dorian. I wasn’t gifted with courage and I certainly didn’t share my brother’s charm but, I wanted to be more like you...I just wasn’t raised that way..” The two shared a look before Dorian’s brow furrowed in thought. 

“The day that group you were in were terrorizing Peter and we got into that fight...Did you stop that curse from hitting me or was that luck?” Regulus slowly nodded in confession. 

“We both know that your luck was never that great.” Dorian shook his head once more in disbelief. “Had I been there when you and Potter were being-” 

“Don’t say it.” 

“Had I been there while you two were captured I would have at least attempted to get you out..The both of you.” Dorian looked bothered by the mere mention of it. 

“Why?” He wasn’t sure how to answer that question. It was almost too simple for him to wrap his brilliant mind around. 

“Because you’re my friend.” Dorian jumped at the sound of an owl and he hurriedly opened the window taking the letter that was poorly folded, creases uneven and some parts just crumbled. 

_ Howls,  _

_ Please don’t be angry with me. I’ll try to make it to you whenever I see you again. I’m afraid I must stay for another month or a few months. He never tells me these days. The last few months have been awful without you or the others...I miss you.  _

_ -Moony- _

His eyes scanned the letter before he stopped, a pained scoff escaping him as he turned the parchment over. Only to find nothing else of the short letter from his lover. 

“Dorian?” Regulus asked, seeing the pain in his eyes. Dorian felt that burning sensation in his heart once more. 

“I-I’ve got to go out…” He clutched the letter. “If you need to leave before I come back just see yourself out.” He rushed off towards Sirius' apartment where he banged on the door loudly until someone answered. 

“Dorian?” Sirius lowered his wand and he noticed the wild look in his eyes full of rage and hurt. “What’s happened?” Dorian grip tightened on the letter. 

“Is he here?” Dorian pushed inside given the lack of response. Sirius closed the door, locking it tight. 

“Is who-” 

“Dumbledore! Is he here or not?!” James came out of the room where the meeting was being held. 

“Dorian, What are you doing here? It’s not an order meeting-” 

“I don’t care, James. Is he here or not?” He questioned. James grabbed his shoulder but he pushed him off. Sirius looked towards James with a worried look. 

“Yeah but-” He pulled Dorian back. “Can’t this wait?” Dorian shoved him back harshly with anger in his eyes. 

“No, James! This can’t wait because Remus is out there risking his goddamn neck for something he isn’t even sure about anymore!” He shouted. James chased after him while Sirius' mind comprehend what he had just said. Dorian stormed into the room, interrupting the no doubt important meeting. “Spinster, this better be important.” Mad eye hissed angrily. 

“I need to speak with dumbledore in private.” Dorian hissed, glaring at the elder man who looked back at him. Mad-eye stood up obviously irritated. 

“I have had it with you, Spinster. The world does not revolve around you-” 

“Alistair, it’s quite alright. We’ll resume this after Mister Spinster has spoken his peace.” His voice was calm unlike Dorian’s or Mad Eye’s. The group got up and eyed Dorian suspiciously. James stood behind him. “James, This is a private matter as Mister Spinster has requested..” James slowly nodded, looking towards Dorian. 

“Well...We’ll be right out here.” James closed the door unsure of everything. The two were finally left alone and Dorian hand trembled slightly. 

“Well, What is it that was so urgent?” The old man remained sitting with his hands folded. Dorian tossed the slightly crushed up letter towards him. 

“Where the hell is Remus?” He questioned, venom in his voice. 

“Now, I’m sure you are interrupting-” 

“Last time he came back he was cut up and scarred more than he’s ever been! He is risking his damn life and for what? To be your pawn like the rest of us?” Dorian questioned, glaring daggers at him. “Now, tell me where he is!” He was demanding and something changed in the headmaster’s face. 

“Are you demanding I tell you?” He questioned and Dorian didn’t falter. 

“Yes! I am tired of being a fucking pawn in your game! I am tired of believing your lies!” Dorian shouted. “I am sick and tired of being away from the person I love, I am sick and tired of not knowing whether he is dead or not, and I am tired of seeing the people I love be buried in the ground on your account!” He slammed his hands on the table, emotion pouring from him. “Now, tell me where he is!” He looked back at him seemingly studying his reactions and Dorian’s heart was pounding against his chest as tears threatened to spill over. “TELL ME!” 

“And why should I, Spinster?” It was becoming aware to the young wizard that he had changed from calling him by his first name as he had done since he had graduated to calling him by his last name. Dorian couldn’t quite describe the tone it carried but it made him feel less than acquaintances, Though, he could care less about why. Dorian went to shout more before he was cut off. “You say you are done believing my lies but, have you found a better truth?” Dorian didn’t understand. 

“What are you implying?” He questioned. 

“You’ve been making excuses for not attending these meetings. In fact, you’ve missed exactly six meetings.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-” He flicked his wand and Dorian was pushed back into a chair harshly and Albus stood slowly, his eyes burning a gaze into Dorian. 

“How is Regulus Black?” Dorian’s eyes widened before he shook his head. 

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He hissed, his heart was pounding at this point. The man walked towards him slowly. 

“He has been visiting you at your home, hasn’t he?” Dorian went to stand up but was pushed down again. “You came here to shout and throw a tantrum like a child-” 

“I came here to know where Remus is. I came here to ensure he is still alive.” He hissed, looking up at him and feeling like a child. 

“I assure you he is alive, Mister Spinster.” 

“Just alive?” 

“He knew what he was volunteering for.” 

“He didn’t volunteer for any of this! None of us did! We were just thrown into this!” Dorian shouted, a twinge of fear hitting him when he saw that look in his eyes. 

“Do not make the mistake of marking me as your enemy.” He warned in a low tone and Dorian’s eyes narrowed at him. 

“Is that a threat?” 

“If you insist on this tantrum.” Dorian looked at him bewildered and his blood boiled. 

“All I wanted was to know where my fucking boyfreind is at.” He hissed, standing up and the chair slid across the floor loudly. “All I want is for you to stop using us all as pawns. All I fucking want,  _ Albus.”  _ His spat venom at him. “Is for you to stop exploiting vulnerable people.” Dorian knew he was out of his element. Without a word or probably with just a snap of his fingers Dumbeldore could end him right there. He didn’t want to think about how almost everyone out there would blindly except he was in the wrong. He had a small inclely of hope that James wasn’t following the order blindly. Something he  _ knew  _ Sirius, Peter, and even Remus had been doing for far too long. “You lure us in with this grand idea of being heroes and legends. You lure us in with this false hope that we are better than the death eaters but, we aren’t. We are killing each other for a power struggle! I will not be another one of your pawns in your great game!” He snatched the letter from him, seeing this going nowhere. The elder wizard was oddly quiet. 

“If you walk away I cannot guarantee you or Remus’ safety...Neither will I protect you from any of your own doing.” He warned once more. A dark look in his eyes. “That is if you leave.” Dorian looked around. 

“I’d rather join the dead.” Dorian stormed out and was met with the suspicious looks of the other order members. He stopped in his tracks, fixing his jacket before he carried onwards as he ignored their calling of names. 

“ _ Coward” _

_ “Traditor.”  _

_ “Queer.”  _

_ “Freak.”  _ It was almost funny how quick they were to turn against him as they all were blind to it all. The war was necessary to a degree. They needed to stand up against Voldemort but Dorian would not see himself be led to his likely death as a pawn. James called after him, concern on his face as Sirius chased after the two with a look of puzzlement. Sirius made no notice of Peter standing in the corner, shaken up by the events as he looked so deprived of sleep. Peter Petiwgrew stood in the corner looking out at the rift that began to crack between the group as he scratched at his forearm. 


	19. Chapter 19

“Dorian, wait!” James and Sirius called after him as Dorina stormed off, anger burning off of him. “Dorian, stop!” The two grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back and nearly knocking him down. Dorian glared at them, fire in his eyes as he jaw remained locked giving his features a far more somber look about him. “What happened-” 

“I know you were listening in.” He hissed. “You know what fucking happened.” 

“We couldn’t hear everything.” James quickly added, looking desperate for some answers. 

“Besides we want your side of it.” Dorian sighed, looking towards the apartment. It was much nicer than his own or should he say his and Remus’. Though it felt more like it was just his; Afterall, Lupin hadn’t even paid the rent in a few months. Needless to say this side of the city was better off. He would even say safer had they not painted targets on their backs. His paranoia spiked as he took notice of how open their position was currently. “Dorian-” 

“What is there to say?” He hissed. “Remus has been gone with no fucking word for four months! I got a letter from him and he’s risking his life every moment now-” 

“We all are.” James recalled, sorrow in his eyes. Dorian glared at him. 

“The difference, James.” He began. “We would be risking it together. At least I would know whether he was hurt or dead. I would know where he fucking is.” He spat. 

“And did he tell you?” Sirius asked. 

“No.” Dorian looked defeated, looking away to scan the skies. “I doubt if the oath even knows-” 

“Dorian, He’s doing his best.” James defended while the cogs in Sirius' head started to turn as if he was connecting the dots. “We just have to keep faith-” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Prongs! Are you ignoring that we are in this war longer than he told us? Do you ignore that he uses us? We are no more than pawns at this point. Pawns he has thrown away to profit himself.” He knew they wouldn’t fully understand. They had always idolized the old man; A legend they called him as boys. 

“What are you saying?” Sirius questioned. “You’d rather us be fighting alongside my cousin?” Dorian’s eyes widened and he was adamant about protesting the mere thought of it. 

“Dorian, I understand you are tired. I am too. I sometimes question him too but, you shouldn’t just walk away.” Truth was he didn’t want to walk away either. He didn’t want to give up and stop fighting; He just didn’t want to fight for Dumbledore and his rambling. 

“I never said I’d stop fighting, prongs.” 

“It sounds that way.” Sirius added in, crossing his arms. 

“I don’t want to support a power struggle! I support us! That is who I fight for. I fight so maybe we have a better chance.” He gestured towards James before continuing. “So, your son may have a better life in this world. I do not and I will not fight for Dumbeldore.” The three exchanged looks before they nodded. 

“The others won’t see it that way.” Sirius sighed. 

“He’s right. They only see two sides in this.” Dorian didn’t need James to tell him this. He saw it from the start that the majority of the order only saw two sides to the war; The order and death eaters. To most if you didn’t sing your support for the order and/or Dumbledore you must be sided with Voldermort. “I thought that way for a while but…” James brows furrowed as he crossed his arms. “I’m not so sure anymore.” 

“It’s like I’ve always told you. Both of you.” Padfoot looked between his two friends. “This world isn’t split into two. It isn’t death eaters versus the rest of the world.” Dorian would have thought it was obvious but it wasn’t. Not to everyone. “Look we’ll have your back no matter what, okay?” Dorian nodded slowly. “Even if we have to leave the order-” 

“No!” They were a little taken back by his response. Dorian closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts. “No, You are benefited by what the order provides.” Dorian looked towards James. “You need it, Prongs. You have a family now and with the prophecy you especially need it.” He looked towards Sirius. “And everyone knows you can’t go five minutes without attracting trouble these days...You need the support that comes with it.” Dorian explained. 

“You need those protections too. You and Remus both-” 

“I can survive on my own.” He quickly corrected. “And I don’t speak for Remus. He’ll no doubt be angry with me.” He admitted, looking down at the ground. James put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. 

“Hopefully when he does returns-” 

“Soon hopefully.” Sirius added. 

“When he returns, talk to him.” Dorian nodded. 

“Thank you.” They waved it off before they dragged him back to spend some time with the gang again. It almost felt normal but Dorian was constantly aware that things were never going to be normal. He couldn’t brush it off as easily as Sirius could. He couldn’t ignore it as easily as Peter could and he didn't have the hopefulness that Lily had. Neither did he have the family that could distract him from it like James. He gladly took the beer that James offered before he handed it off to Sirius as Lily held the small baby who already looked so much like James. She smiled as the baby, only a few months old reached out to Dorian. He accepted him into his arms holding him carefully and Harry cooed happily. They took turns with him and Sirius seemed to have caught baby fever. He kept trying to get Harry to say Padfoot but, to no avail, it was only gibberish. 

“Pads, He’s only three months!” James commented as Lily rolled her eyes. Though when Sirius more so forced the baby into Peter’s hands he immediately started screaming and crying. Dorian felt himself smile again as he saw how great James and Lily worked to ensure their son was happy and soon he was smiling again. Dorian could get use to this as he nudged Peter as the others were busy catching up. He jumped, seemingly deep in thought. He looked sickly and clammy as he stood there occasionally scratching at his arm. 

“You alright, Peter?” Dorian had been concerned for the young man. He missed the wide smile he often wore back at school. 

“Uh? Oh. Yes.” He bit at his fingernail, smoothing his jacket out. “J-Just the war.” He huffed before he looked towards him with a look of guilt and shame that Dorian personally didn’t care for. “I-I just fear this won’t end nicely.” HIs eyes landed on the newest addition to the Potter family. Dorian followed his somber gaze on the boy. “Poor thing..” He thought aloud as Sirius lifted Harry up in his arms before he tossed him as Lily protectively took her son back as James chuckled. 

“Pete?” He questioned, his comment didn’t sit well with him. 

“Uh?” He seemed out of it. 

“You said poor thing…” 

“D-Did I?” 

“You know you did.” Peter looked at eyes wide and Dorian grasped his shoulder softly. “You meant this prophecy, didn’t you?” Peter sighed, closing his eyes as his bottom lip quivered. He nodded, unable to look at him. 

“Peter, you alright?” Dorian gave him a sympathetic look as James approached them, holding Harry in his arms as he crossed the room. Peter looked more like a deer in headlights; Seemingly intimidated by the child. 

“The prophecy, James…” Peter was screaming on the inside. “ _ Help me, please!”  _ He meant to say. James’ jaw clenched. 

“We don’t know it’s him.” Sirius quickly mentioned in his own way of comforting his freighted friend. Peter could barely look at Sirius now at least not directly. “ _ Please, peter. N-Not my family. Please we’re friends!”  _ A constant reminder of Marlene. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “We’ll be alright as long as we stick together.” Peter looked down at the ground. 

“Will that help?” What would they think? He wasn’t a charmer like Sirius was, He wasn’t a born leader like James, and he wasn’t a fighter like Dorian. He didn’t have their courage and he didn’t have the selflessness like Remus. He wasn’t like that and they knew that but, they’d still hate him if they knew. Maybe had he gone to them then Marlene wouldn’t be dead and maybe they wouldn’t have known where Mary and Remus’ mission was taking place. It was too late now. He had blood on his hands. His lip quivered as James called out his name softly. 

“Hey, look at me. We’ve always gotten by with the help of each other-” 

“Please don’t reference the beatles.” Sirius snickered, joining them. 

“Shut up, Howls.” James turned back to Peter. “Whatever is on your mind you can tell us.” Sirius slung his arm over Peter’s shoulders. 

“It’s okay to be scared, mate. I know I am.” They would throw him out and the three of them wouldn’t hesitate to drag him to prison themselves. “ _ I know you, Peter! What would James, Sirius, Remus, or Dorian think if they knew?! What if it was one of them?! Please, I don’t want to die!”  _ They might instead drag him out to the backyard and kill him. Another secret for the marauders to keep. HIs lip quivered and he started to cry. 

“Oh, Peter.” Lily hugged him as the others sighed, always hating when the other was upset. Hot tears streamed down his face. “It’ll be okay. As long as we stick together and stay strong we’ll make it.” Lily's kindness was like daggers, sticking into him. The loyalty and faith his friends showed him as they crowded him twisted the knife. 

“We’ll always have your back.” James reassured. 


End file.
